Got To Give God The Glory

..and I kinda left that out of my other post. Here's the important part:

God has been so gracious and faithful to me this past year. He has provided when I didn't know how He would do it. He has blessed me beyond anything that I could have asked for, and it's still comin'! He has been so gentle and taught me so much. And He's opened doors like I never would have thought possible.

And more than anything over this year, I'm thankful for the Love of God. No matter what else happens or where I find myself or with whom, doing whatever, His love covers me, and that will ALWAYS be good enough. And it always has :)

Thank you, Lord, for making this a spectacular year! :D

<3

Last Day of 2009

So tomorrow begins 2010. Golly. Not that long ago, 2010 seemed like so far away. It still kinda does, you know? I don't even know if I can keep track of this whole last year. Alot of people recap and commemorate at the end of the year, but that's always been a little hard for me. There are just so many directions, you know? Anyway..

What I CAN do is look forward. I've never much been one for New Year's resolutions, just because it seems whenever a New Year's resolution is made, it's already expected to be broken. But here are some goals, if you will. Things that I want to aim towards, directions that I want to move in.

I want to be more organized. Not that I'm disorganized; I keep track of things pretty well, mind you. But I would like to get into the habit of writing things down and checking my organizer regularly. That starts today.

This is sort-of like being more organized. I want to sit down and write out a specific budget for myself each month, and stick to it. I work on a pretty general budget right now that consists mostly of Get bills paid first, and Don't spend money I don't have. While that keeps me from getting in too much trouble, it doesn't do so well for saving money. So yeah. That too :)

I would like to have my car and student loan paid off and be working actively in the theatre field by the end of 2010. It looks like that's going to start with taking a semester off after all, working as much as possible, and just getting business done. (And eating lots of ramen in the meantime.) I also want to make a habit of working freelance modeling and film gigs (as an extra, or whatever). Just to get out there and broaden my scope a bit :)

Along somewhat of the same lines, I would like to have produced at least 3 music videos by the end of the year. Even if they don't end up going any farther than youtube, I need to start making something.

It is also my goal to have made at least one piece of furniture by the end of the year. I want furniture-making to be a long-term hobby of mine, so I've got to get started sometime.

Road Trip!! I WILL take at least one road trip this year. Even if I just drive to Tulsa or something equally as lame (Christmastime is the only time driving to Tulsa is not lame), I WILL go SOMEWHERE with SOMEBODY. Honestly, if you don't live life while you're in college, when are you going to live it?

I want to become actively and regularly involved at Northstar. This isn't something new; I've been wanting to. So far though, my schedule's been a little bossy and just going to church is about all I've managed. I would like for that to change.

I would like to set a 5-year plan for myself. Now, I'm giving myself a whole year to come up with a loose plan for the next 5 years of my life. Or at least establish where I'd like to be in 5 years. I think that's pretty darn lenient, myself. So I better get it done.

Last but not least: (well, maybe least. This one's really not all that important. lol): by the end of 2010, I would like to be able to get a puppy :) I would like for my schedule and budget to be such that I can comfortably have a puppy. Yup :)

So there's my list, for now. I'd be happy to take comments and suggestions,if you have any!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! :D

I need a job that doesn't entail a view of the stars on my way into work :/

For real. More job hunting today... gonna go put apps in at like a dozen different Starbucks in the Plano area. Looking at applying at Northpark and Firewheel malls too. Firewheel's not all that close to my apt or school, true, but I can always crash at Mark's if I need to, and if nothing else I could have a job there while I keep looking for a better one that's actually in Plano. I'm realllly hoping Destani calls me back about a nutrition coach position that I was almost offered but I couldn't start immediately. But now I can start immediately... just hoping it's not too late >_< ..If only I hadn't been under contract for Plaid at the time... but oh well. All things work together for the GOOD of those who love God. It's a good thing I did have that gig, or it would've been alot harder to make ends meet this month. Praise the Lord.
Anyway, be praying for me and my new employment, and soon! AND, I also want to hurry up and get the employment situation resolved so that I can a) start working out again, and b)start working on getting smaller gigs like photoshoots and Movie Extra gigs :)

Lord help me!

so yeah, this is what's been on my mind, mostly. Other than that there's New Year plans, which look like theyre not going to be all THAT exciting. But as long as I get to spend it with Mark I suppose I don't really care what we do. Thursday Jon Christie has a show of some sort that Lindsey wants me to go to. Well, we'll see. Also Uncle Matt and Aunt Jeanne and attached cousins are coming into town for New Years. Why, I have no earthly idea, but cool :) It'll be good to see them... hopefully I'll have the chance to bring Mark around for a dinner or something. I wonder if he gets tired of me dragging him over to my parents' house for such things. lol.
I get paid in two days, and none too soon. This traffic ticket has been at the back of my mind, and it's a tad expensive. Lord help me with that, too, please.

hmmm, what else? I haven't been all that productive lately to tell the truth. Everything else is kind of on the back burner until I find a job. Mark's been writing his book though, and that's exciting. :) It'll be the first one he's completed. And it's sounding really good so far :)

I get to see my roomie tonight! Probably not for very long, granted, 'cause I'll be freakin tired, but whatever. I get to see her and that makes me happy.

Oh, why aren't there 30 hours in a day?

Don't Save It All for Christmas Day

What a lovely holiday :)

true, I didn't get to go caroling, and I'm a tad short on cash, but it was still an absolutely lovely holiday. I got to see friends, and family, and movies. lol. I kindof don't have the energy to go into great detail, although I probably should.

I've got alot to do in recovery though. Tons of laundry, and cleaning up.. I need to get back into shape. I'm still on the hunt for new employment.Once I have that established I can register for classes... I'm really hoping I don't have to take this semester off :/ There's a bit of a time crunch, but with the Lord's help, it can be done! :)

Merry Christmas.. Happy New Year. etc. etc.

What starts with an F and ends with a Y, besides "Fungleberry?"

the answer is FRIDAY!!! And praise the Lord, what a beautiful Friday it is! I think maybe I will spend some time out-of-doors today. It'll do me some good :) If it's sunny that is. I've been wanting to get some sunshine all week.
I also think that I will take a nap today! that sounds abso-friggin-lutely wonderful. And I've got nothing that I "need" to get done, other than laundry and wrapping presents :)

I'm excited for the weekend. I've got so much to look forward to, so much is happening and it's all funnn! ^_^ Of course it'll be busy too, but not overwhelming. And Mark is going to church with me on Sunday for our FIRST Sunday in our NEW BUILDING!! :D

I finished the first Harry Potter book. It was quite good, truth be told. And now that I've finished it, I really want to read the second one. Like, now that I'm one book in, I feel like I'm genuinely at a loss for not knowing the rest of the series. But not to worry.. that will shortly be remedied. ^_^

what is it about this week that has taken so darn long? every day felt stretched, and by the time we got to Wednesday it felt like it should really be at least Friday. seriously. This week has just been unruly slow. It's all good though. It makes Friday that much sweeter :) (though I will say, I'm ready to go home any time. work is pretty slow today too.)

Pictures tomorrow! yayy. I hope I have my coat back by then.. >_>

Come on, weekend!

And... Action!

So I mentioned that I had an audition for a tv pilot..
it went well, I suppose. I don't know if I was really intense enough for them... it's a giving-birth scene. I've never given birth >_>
But anyway, here's hopin' still... They'll let me know this weekend-ish.

So camera acting is way different from stage acting. Harder, for me. Here's why: it's alot more cold work. You have to be able to just pick up wherever and make it the same as if you'd already been in the scene 5 minutes. That's harder for me because I'm an interpersonal actor-- I play off of the other people in the scene. In fact, most of my acting is REacting. It's all in the relationship and interaction between characters. In camera acting.. you don't get the whole play to build up character relationships and motivations.. It just kindof has to be there, whether you or the other person is feeling it or not. So it's.. different. But I think with a little practice I could get good at it :)

There's so much more going on, but I gotta do some work now... so you'll just have to do without :p

Happy Wednesday! :D

<3

So I called in to work on friday. Took a personal day. And it was sooo nice. I needed it. I went back to bed, which I've always wanted to do when I don't feel like going to work. lol. I slept in, and then went and had lunch with Mark at his work. Which entailed being stared at by a bunch of little kids and being asked, "Are you Coach Mark's girlfriend??" with really big eyes and lots of giggles whenever I answer that or any other question, like how old am I? lol. It was alot of fun. I can see why he adores those kids so much, really. And as far as I can tell they all liked me as much as I liked them.. bar one. There's one little girl, Sierra. She's one of Mark's favorites, and she has a HUGE crush on him. So, being that I'm his girlfriend, she was NOT happy to see me. Not at all. XD. I probably shouldn't have enjoyed it so much, but I'll admit I was a little smug, in a that's-right-girlfriend-he's-alllll-mine-and-you-know-it kind of way. I know it's silly but especially since she's one of Mark's favorites, I'd rather she knew her place. Which is NOT his girlfriend. :) Anyway.
After that, went shopping, got some errands done, and did a show that night. After the show we had a movie night at Mark's house and I got to hang out with GREY who I love and miss terribly ^_^.

Did I mention the shopping part? Did I also mention that I bought new jeans... in a size 2?? I was (am) pretty darn happy about this, since I haven't worn size 2 since my sophomore year in high school. Almost 5 years ago. I feel good ^_^

The rest of the weekend was quite pleasant... errands and family time and shows and hanging out and shows... lovely :) I'm looking forward to having a little more downtime soon hopefully... But even still. Lovely :)

And I have an audition today for a tv pilot... we'll see how that goes >_>

<3

Blizzard Would Be Great..

I have officially been at work for over a half hour and done nothing more than attempt to not snooze... somewhat unsuccessfully.

Dear Texas,
I would love you forever if you would burst into sudden blizzard, so the roads would freeze and no one would come to work and I could go home and go to sleep. That would be lovely.

I would love to tell something... But I don't actually have anything to say. Seems to be my situation as of late :/ Oh, well. I'll come back when there's something to tell.

<3

I've decided to donate the proceeds from my caroling adventures to St Jude's. And, possibly, to people who are on my heart. I happen to know, for example, of a couple of families whose sole providers are currently out of work. I would love to be able to bless them with something that will help them out, you know? :)

Speaking of blessings, we got our Christmas bonuses yesterday ^_^ I've never got a Christmas bonus before... probably because I've never had a "business job" before. One of the pluses to working a desk job I suppose. But anyway, I'm very much grateful :) Thank you Jesus!

So I'm working a couple of extra shows, this Sunday night and next Sunday night. Betty Buckley is going to be at Water Tower doing a holiday show. I'm missing an Underoath concert to see Betty Buckley -.- ...but I'm getting paid for it, so it's all good, right? lol. :p

Can't wait to finally get this silly British Lit final exam over and done with already. Ugh. The longer I go the more I basically just don't care anymore. As long as I pass the class and never have to deal with it again... I don't care. Bah Humbug.

:D

Jacob's back from his honeymoon. yay :) work is always more exciting when he's here.

Happy news: I do get to see The Boxer after all! They have a Saturday matinee this week and I don't, so you better believe I am THERE!! :D And I'm kinda excited.

Can I just say, I am a huge fan of Christmas music. Especially the kind that involves full choirs and/or violins and/or woodwinds of any kind. Yes. Win. I want to go caroling. I wish I were in a choir so that I could go caroling with a full choir lol. Actually, you know what I really want to do? I want to get a group together who can harmonize, like four or five people who can pull of carols well... maybe not professionals or anything, but well enough to sound nice and pretty... and go door-to-door caroling and raising money for a charity. That is what I really want to do. What better way to spread the spirit of the season? If only I could find the time and people and place to go... and if I could find a charity to do it for..... I think I'm gonna try :) And if I do it, I'd love to do it in costume ^_^ And if I can pull it off.. or maybe even if I can't pull it off this year... I'd like to make it an annual thing. :)

My laundry is in a rather desperate condition. Lol. I'm to the point where I'm rewearing my clothes :/
Guess I know what I'll be doing on my study breaks tonight :p

Speaking of study breaks, I now have two days left to somehow prepare myself for this British Lit final :/
I think I've pretty much given up on doing a research paper for extra credit and settled on writing poems or illustrations instead. The only good way I can think to do illustrations, though, is with paint... and I don't really have the supplies to do that. I suppose I could make a costume... Idk if Rasnic would accept that, though. For all his big talk about creativity and whatnot, he's kindof a square :/

Mmmm, coffee :)
Let's make my next job one that does not start before 7 am, eh? Unless it's Starbucks, in which case I will keep my insanity and still get up early. If I must. :p

Have I mentioned that I am SO ready to be done with my classes for this semester? I am SOOO ready. Then I can REALLY jump headlong into the holidays :D

Plaid Boxer Briefs

Well.. not a whole lot going on in this neck of the woods. I've been at work for half an hour and taken all of one phone call.

Plaid Tidings opened last night, and so did The Boxer. Plaid went fine, and Mark wasn't quite raving, but Boxer did well too :) So afterwards we went to IHOP to celebrate. It was alright.. IHOP was about as it usually is... lol.
I'm really proud of Mark :) This was his first college show... the second one that he auditioned for, and he got cast without a second thought.

I wonder when the next time I'll have the chance will audition will be?
I did really want to audition for Little Women... but I don't know if I'll have the time to do shows while working next semester. Most likely I'll need to work nights, so it will be hard to do any shows, really. I guess I can put up with that... It'll give me the chance to get a bunch of classes knocked out, and that I am excited about.
Lord, help me.. I need Your help with this whole business. There's no way I can figure out how to make this all work together in a 168-hr week, let alone pull it off by myself. But I trust You to show me how to do it, and to help me with it. It's gonna be an adventure...

So I want to talk about something that's on my mind a little bit... I don't generally talk about super personal stuff on my blog, but it's my blog so I will if I want.
I get this feeling, that my family doesn't like Mark very much. And you honestly, that's not even it. I think they like him fine (because there isn't a reason not to like him :)... but they judge him. I don't even think they realize that they do.. and I don't really know why they judge him, other than that he doesn't speak in tongues... and he's not Collin. The reasons, for current intents and purposes, are immaterial. The real thing that bothers me is, I've felt like my family and I have been increasingly distant in recent months, and I can't help but think that maybe this has something to do with it. Yes, I have spent alot of time with Mark. And that's not going to change. We're in a relationship. We're an item, a package deal. We're together. I'm not saying I never do anything without him or visa versa, not at all. But the point is, I'm with Mark. You don't get me without him. Even if you are my family. Even if my family disapproved of Mark (which there isn't a reason to, to be quite honest) it's really not their choice to make. They ought to accept him, for my sake. Or if they can't do that, they ought to at least show love to him, for Christ's sake. If Mark were to judge all "Spirit-filled Christians" based on how he's been treated by my family thus far, he would say that they're really no different from any other people who have their own lives and plenty of reservations about new people. Courteous and aloof, they're fine people, but honestly, nothing life-changing. And that kinda makes me sad. But what can you do?

Alrighty well... now I've been here about an hour, and I'm getting another call. Jusst can't stop the excitement! :p
<3

So. Tired.
SOOOOO so so so so so so sleepy.

It was a struggle this morning to not roll over and go back to sleep. I won said struggle of course, and made it to work before my eyes followed through on their threat to be closed periodically :/

Preview night for Plaid was last night... opening night tonight :) nap before British lit today instead of studying for quiz? I think so. Yes, I think so.

My hair is grungy today. Can't decide if I like it or not.

gotta.. stop.. dosing... zzzZZZZZzZ

It's SNOWING!!!

That calls for excessive punctuation!!!!! Yayyy!!!!! ^_^ :D XD :))) ^_^ !!!!!

and, while the ground is still mostly slush, it's sticking enough to make things white and pretty. and the flake and decent sized and fluffy, and flurrying in the wind... just perfect for catching with your tongue! I hope this keeps up all day so I can make a snow angel at lunch ^_^
Except the snow is still really wet so then my backside will be wet all day :/ ...probably not worth it.
OH, I'm so excited! I'm like a little kid all over again when there's snow.

I can't even think of anything else to blog about because it's SNOWING outside. How on earth am I supposed to get work done INSIDE? That's just ridiculous. Why ever would anyone want to be inside at a time like this?? I think I will take my lunch break OUTSIDE ^_^
Oh goodness I'm so excited!!!

Across the Embers

so the other day I had a freakout. Partly it's from being tired and stressed a bit, and having a lot on my mind, getting antsy about life and its decisions and what I'm doing, and things being all hit-and-miss with the family... All this contributes... not that it's an excuse.
Basically this stupid freakout consisted of me feeling a bit neglected and under-appreciated when my plans went all whatever on me because nobody was doing what I thought they were doing. So I got all emo about it and when Mark asked me what was wrong, because he cares, I totally threw a fit and made it seem like it was all his fault that I was unhappy. Why I did that.. I don't even know. But it will NEVER happen again. Anyway, so that was a nasty exchange, and then Mark was out so he wasn't on his phone for awhile so I spent that while freaking out thinking that I had messed things up bad. Turns out he just wasn't on his phone, and we talked when he got back and everything was fine. I really can't tell you how thankful I am that he puts up with me. Really.


Well alright, back to work. I really meant to write some more meaningful, this-is-how-i-feel-about-life-right-now stuff, but it's early yet, and I ought to be making some sort of progress on my assignments at work.

9 days left until I'm free of freaking British Literature.(!!!)

Plaid Tidings!

It's the Christmas season! yay! Finally!!

and let me tell you, I am loving it! ^_^

I got a gig running spotlight at Watertower Theatre for a show called Plaid Tidings. It's just a little thing, don't do much and don't get paid all that much, but it's something :) and I'm happy to not be totally inactive. The major downside here (besides lack of sleep and time crunch with finals) is that I won't get to see The Boxer. I'm so bummed... I can't even tell you about it. I was so looking forward to seeing Mark onstage. And I mean, from what I've heard it's going to be hilarious. I really was so pysched about it and now I don't get to go at all :(
well... oh well. C'este la vie, I suppose.

Decided I'm going to look for an evening job closer to home as soon as I finish up with finals. this is a good decision :)

Going to see New Moon tonight

I hope it's decent... don't really expect it to be though.

I cheated on my dietary regimen yesterday. Can't turn down free pizza when I'm hungry. Ssshhhhh don't tell Susan! :p

<3

Like a One-Person Chat Room

Note to self: eating whatever I want for a weekend makes it hard to eat only meat and veggies again. Man, just when I totally had it down...

So much has been going on.. emotionally, and mentally, and socially. Not so much substantially. As far as physical substantiality goes anything. Meaning I can't see anything productive getting done... my progress as far as DOING things, is minimal here lately. And we all know how I'm a big fan of that... -.-

Mostly it's just frustrating when I don't know exactly what it is I would like to be seeing. If I knew what I wanted, then I could figure out how to get it. And I know some things that I want I suppose... I guess the best thing to do would be to work on those until I have something more central to work towards? Idk. I asked Mark yesterday... he wasn't in the very best of moods and I asked him "What do you want? How do you want things to be?" and he said "idk.. better." I guess that's how I feel a little at the moment. But that doesn't really help at all. If I know what I want then I can figure out how to make it happen.

Have faith in God. That's the bottom line, huh.

WELL it's the Thanksgiving season, and I've been going on so much about I want I want I want I feel I feel I think I hope I wish I think I feel I want. How silly. What I SHOULD be taking about is how I'm really enjoying this cold weather, and i have a whole collection of nice new hats and scarves and gloves and sweaters to enjoy it in, which I got from my loving and most-always pleasant family, whom I love and am very much thankful for. And I get to spend time with them, and with good friends and coworkers, and I get to spend a good amount of time (sometimes i think not enough.. and then sometimes too much!) with a wonderful man who loves me, who i know at the bottom of everything else will at least be willing to figure things out with me. And if I ask nicely, he'll give me a hug. And if I smile, he'll give me a kiss. A hug and a kiss? What more can a girl ask for? :) Praise the Lord.

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To.

Man.
What a bipolar weekend. lol.
it started out.. amazingly. Friday I went to a magic show in Garland with Chelsea and Aaron (Mark had gotten the tickets, but then he had rehearsal.) Anyway it turned out to be like a kid's pro-recycling sort of thing, with a couple of magic tricks mixed in to make it seem cooler. But we had fun with it I suppose :p Afterward Aaron and I went to Plano for cigars and coffee. Mark stopped by but didn't stay long. Later I went back to Mark's house to hang out.. we were watching White Collar. Then at one point he was like, "I left my bag in my car... you should come with me to get it, we'll take a walk around the block or something" but then when we got out there he had left his keys so he went back inside. As soon as he went back inside, Traci, Zack, Scott, and Blake came charging down the street, grabbed me, and threw me into the car with them. Long story short, they "kidnapped" me, then Mark rescued me and asked me to be his girlfriend :)
It was pretty much wonderful (overall.)
Then Saturday Mark took me to La Madeline for brunch, and we spent the afternoon drawing masterpieces with sidewalk chalk. lol. Then to my parents' house for dinner, and this is where the weekend starts to turn awry.
There was a little bit of personal drama saturday night... nothing too life-altering I suppose, I just got my feelings hurt a little bit. My family is... not as accepting as I would like them to be. I don't know why they feel they have to have a judgement on everything, but it seems they do. And it seems me being so excited about Mark and everything isn't enough for them to be. Apparently my family hasn't gotten over comparing everything to Collin, as if he were still a part of my life. That does hurt. But it's whatever. Eventually they'll open their mind enough to actually take a look at Mark, and as soon as that happens, they'll love him :)
So there was that, but other than that Saturday night was nice. Spent the night at the parents', and most of the day Sunday, just chillin and hangin and sleepin. lol. It was nice. Then last night I went over to Mark's house, we were gonna watch one of the movies I borrowed from Sarah after he finished his essay for English.. but somewhere between finishing the essay and starting the movie there was more drama, but with his parents and some disagreement between them.. anyway we ended up not watching the movie. sigh. Not to worry, we'll watch it another time :)

So... despite it's ups and downs... I call it a good weekend. Things are going to work out quite nicely. :)
AND, TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! :D

Day three-- was mostly a success. I say mostly because I bought pomegranate lemonade and drank some before I remembered to make sure it was 100% juice. It wasn't. I drank very sugary concentrate. rats. I also went grocery shopping, bought an unreasonable amount of veggies and fruit and tuna. And forgot to get eggs, which my roomie requested, so I'll probably be stopping by target today. And Hobby Lobby, if I can help it. I have some crafts in mind that I really want to try that I need to get the supplies for. I'd tell you, but it'd ruin my element of surprise for Christmas presents!

So yesterday I was driving toward Lewisville from work, and there's this guy on a motorcycle driving in the lane next to me. Only he was the obnoxious, impatient, I'm going to zigzag behind you impatiently even though we're ALL stuck in traffic kind of motorist. Then he got behind me and I found it annoying that he would zigzag all the way up to my bumper as if that would somehow cause me to move faster, when had nowhere to go. But that's beside the point. lol. Later, when traffic let up, I have ended up a few car lengths in front of him, and I was starting to pick up speed again when here come this motorcycle flying by. Only it looks funny. The head and arms and legs were not where they should be. The guy had his feet up on the back of the seat, laying on his stomach with his head forward, and one arm on the handlebar and the other down, like where his leg would normally go. As cool as this is in a parking lot, I sincerely wish he'd not have tried on the highway. I hope he didn't get hurt...

Ok I'm not being vain, but this whole physical overhaul I've been doing (I really should give it a cool name, like Project Reset or something :p) seems to be working. I mean there's the cleanse, which helps to give my digestive system and organs and whatnot a chance to flush themselves out (I really need to be drinking more water for that though :/), and I'm whitening my teeth (Crest Whitening Strips) Lightening my hair (just a little, naturally with hydrogen peroxide), working out (obviously, P90X), taking better care of my skin, staying better hydrated, and I have a dermatologist appointment next week. I've only been doing all this for a few weeks really, but I'm starting to see results and it's encouraging :) I'm pretty sure by Christmas I'm going to feel like a new person. (Physically, that is. lol)
Anyway. good times. :)

Don't picka prickly pear with a bare bear paw

When you picka prickly pear, just use the claw!

So day 3 of the cleanse. Yesterday was a little tough to not snack, last night. I'm used to munching on something carb-y and tasty in the evenings, you know. BUT I didn't. I had cashews and a few pieces of celery for breakfast, attempted to have a can of asparagus for lunch (it was disgusting. never again will I believe that canned vegetables taste anything like the real thing. blech) and when that didn't work out bought myself a grilled chicken breast at Cattleman's. 'Twas tasty. Then for dinner had a baked chicken breast off the bone. Not bad I suppose.

I'm still tired. I'm hoping my body adjusts soon and the energy picks up. I woke up this morning feeling like I'd slept all of 10 min :/

Can I just say, I love fun old people ^_^ When I get old.. I'm gonna be a blast :D

I guess there's not a whole lot else to update today. I've got to go shopping today if nothing else, though I was hoping to also do some laundry. That may not happen until tomorrow though; I desperately want to go to bed early tonight. Like, 7:30 early. That tends to change when I actually get there and get to thinking about things I could be doing, etc etc... So if I don't, I'll do a load of laundry and read some Harry Potter :p

<3

One day down...

First day of the cleanse was a success. Second is off to a good start :)

I can't remember if I've mentioned the cleanse in my blog yet or not. Anyway, Susan and I are doing it, until New Years. But we have holidays off. Which means (chronologically) my birthday (on which Jacob is making us gumbo!)Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. I suppose this really isn't the ideal time of year to do a cleanse, but too late! We've already started. lol. Besides, there's no time like the present, right? Ok so what it entails is meat, vegetables, modest amounts of fruit, and nuts and beans. Also, herbs are acceptable, and vinegar and olive oil. And as far as liquids, water, juice, and tea. And nothing else. No carbs, no starches, no dairy, no fats, no sugar. (Other than the natural fats and sugars in meat and fruit) Especially no artificial sugars, fried food, or processed food. (I used that term lightly, since it's exceptionally difficult to find non-processed meats. and the amount we're working out, we need that protein and calories)

Oh man. This change in dietary intake, paired with the incredibly HARD workout we did yesterday (Plyometrics. sound tough? it is.)has left me many kinds of tired last night and this morning. I'm sure it will pass in a few days as my body adjusts, but thus far... I feel exhausted. good thing I just basically have to sit all day right...

ADDENDUM
In the interest of this cleanse, I'm going to briefly share what I eat each day. Not that that's interesting at all, but it might help me :)
So yesterday I ate nothing for breakfast but had a cup of hot tea (:/) and then an apple and two hard-boiled eggs for lunch, and then peanuts and a can of green beans for dinner. (I know canned vegetables are not as good, but i had already bought them!)
Today so far I've had cashews for breakfast, and I drank acai berry juice with my vitamins this morning. And having a cup of tea now. yay :)

I want to HIT something!@#^&!!!

Ok. So here's what happened. Yesterday, a bunch of us were supposed to meet up and play football. I was pretty excited about this, since I'd been itching to do something active outdoors all weekend. So we get there, and we're waiting for about half of our group to show up, and there's these other guys there that look real athletic and competitive. So Mark and a couple of guys that were there start a 4-on-4 game with these guys that we don't know. Obviously, I'm not stupid enough to want to play football with a bunch of big competitive guys that I don't know. So, basically, that leaves me standing on the sidelines watching these boys take themselves too seriously for the next hour and a half. I was not happy. And, to Mark's credit, he did come over and ask if we wanted to leave and do something else... I said no, I just didn't want to play with a bunch of guys I don't know. He came over again and asked if we were having fun. I said no -.- (I was pretty darn annoyed by this time) But what was I supposed to do? Insist that he quit his game which it looked like he was enjoying because I was upset that he wasn't playing with me? I didn't want to be that girl. So basically, I just brooded. (I know, much better, right? I wasn't doing a very good job of "being patient with each other, and being joyful always") I was irritated because I wanted to play, I was part of the original plan, and Mark was playing without me. And also because, he knew I was upset, and not having a good time. I left it his choice if he wanted to stay but I mean, I don't want to have to ask to leave. I don't want to be the one to ruin someone else's fun. Besides, I didn't want to leave. I wanted those other guys to leave -.-

Anyway. Eventually they did leave, and the rest of us finally got to play. Only by that time half the boys were tired and whatnot from playing competitively... and even if they weren't it was dumb because they "wouldn't tackle a girl"
honestly then, what's the point? I don't have any interest in playing gentle football. Especially when I'm mad. So that game didn't last very long, and we went home.

...Of course when we got home there was that fun conversation for me and Mark to have. He felt bad because supposedly he ruined all my fun, and he offered to do something else and I didn't say that I wanted to do something else. And I felt bad because it really wasn't his fault, but I'm not going to insist on having my way when I'm upset. I will be honest, and tell you I'm not having fun (like I did) and hope that you'll do something about it.. But I'm not going to ask you to stop what you're doing if you're enjoying yourself (which I thought he was) just because I'm not. So I didn't know what else to do. And, neither did he. He knew that I was upset, but I guess neither of us knew what to do about it. I don't think either of us do still. I still feel just as incapable of plainly stating what I want, and I don't think he understands that asking me to say what I want doesn't make it any easier to say what I want if I feel like it's something selfish. If he were to say that HE would like to do something else that I can play too or start another game of football, rather than ask if I wanted to because I wasn't having fun, it would have been different. Does that even make any sense at all?

So we talked about all this, and it was all rather miserable until he simply said "You're more important than some stupid game, and I care about you way more than I care about those guys.If I ask you if you want to do something, it's because I either want to, or don't care either way. I'm not going to ask you just because I feel bad. Next time, can you please just tell me the truth?" (that's a paraphrase, not that it much matters. This response I approved of very much. As far as next time.. we'll see how that goes :/) And then he stood up and threw the football to me. I, somewhat confused, threw it back. He threw it to me again and when I went to throw it back he said, "What are you doing? Try to run it in."
We then proceeded to play 1-on-1 football (an interesting cross between football and basketball) across his front yard for the next half hour or so :D. I lost, despite my ferocious efforts :p but I've got bruises all over and various stiff muscles and aching limbs as a reward. lol. I know, I found a good one, right? I mean.. I think so.... :)

It's the Thought That Counts

Can I just say, getting a comment from Kelsey made my day :)

Okay so, a few days ago I was thinking and I decided, I want to do something special for Mark. You know, surprise him. I asked around for some original ideas but didn't come up with a whole lot. Everyone asked, "What's the occasion?" The occasion? Life, my friend. It's worth celebrating any old Tuesday. Also, love my friend. I disapprove of confining the opportunity of showing someone how much you care about them to holidays and/or "special occasions." So I wanted to do something special, that he wouldn't expect, just because. Because he's wonderful. ^_^

The idea I ended up with is half-recycled, half original, and half stolen. I got a bunch of balloons and some little knick-knacks and his favorite candy (Sweettarts. I know, I don't get it either :/) and a whole bunch of little notes. On each notes is something little that I love about him ^_^. Then each note and little knick-knack went inside of a balloon. For example, one said "There's nothing in this world that you can't be" and I put that inside of a balloon with a Wolverine figurine. There's about fifty of these, and I filled up his car with them as a surprise ^_^. ...At least I was going to. But it turns out his car is having issues and he's driving his mom's and I didn't want to do it to his mom's, so I snuck into his room instead and piled them all on his bed. Not quite as clever or impressive, but hey. It's the thought that counts, right? And anyway, it made him smile and that was the point. And apparently he went to work with a sugar rush this morning, and that makes me happy :p

So despite the rather large amount of crunching to pull this off spur-of-the-moment and too many minutes spent blowing up balloons in Walmart's parking lot and the rather imperfect presentation... I call this adventure a success. :)

<3

A Tour Guide Named Stress

SO, the best that I can say for this past week is that if I so choose, I can come away having learned a couple somethings.

At surface level, Last. Week. Sucked. Like a giant emotional stressful exhausting defecating traumatic Black Hole. basically. It was a guided tour of a series of unfortunate events with a tour guide named Stress. There was the whole Boxer shenanigans, and questioning my performance abilities, and whether or not I'll ever actually accomplish my dreams, and feelings of inadequacy and inferiority and all that nonsense. Well that wasn't fun. But I came out of it bolstered and determined, and all sorts of ready for Dream Auditions. Now, Dream-- that's a show I can do. besides the fact that elements of the characters were based on me, I'm simply in my element with that sort of a script and style of show. I was ready. And PERFECT for the show. I could have done any of those parts. the girl parts, that is. Though, give me a chance and I'd have done the male parts, too. Not that the director would. Give me a chance? In hindsight, I don't think he ever meant to. He told me to take a look at Ashley. So I did. not my first choice, but if you see me as an Ashley, then sure. I'll give it a shot. I see me as Cheyenne. Apparently he sees Cheyenne a bit taller. That's fine. Stupid, but fine. you do what you want. At least he still let em read for Cheyenne. Now Allison, the beatnik.. I can do that. I can do that so hardcore, you don't even know. You don't have the slightest comprehension of what I can do. But "you don't see it"-- so you won't let me try. You won't even try to stretch your imagination. Not that I was asking that much. I simply hoped you might drop your preconceived notions of me, be professional, and give me a chance. But that's fine. Hey, it's your show. You can do what you want with it. If you want me to read for Ashley, I'll read for Ashley. You won't consider me for anything but what you can picture me already in your own small mind? Alright whatever. You're gonna pass me over for that part too, in favor of your new love interest? NOT alright whatever. It's not okay. To be perfectly honest, that hurt. Alot. She might be good, and I don't begrudge her the chance... but you and I both know there was no one there better for this show than me. If you'd give me a chance. If only.

This is what I'm wrestling with. I feel like I failed again.. I did my best at an audition, and didn't get cast. In fact, I didn't even get the second chance I was hoping for to prove to Jon that I could do more than just Ashley because he canceled callbacks. didn't see the point, since he already had his cast picked. Let me clue you in Jon: the purpose of callbacks is to gain perspective on the spectrum of talent that you have to work with, and to see what an actor looks like on more than just one occasion. But whatever. It only hurts so much because this time, I KNOW that I'm good enough. I would have blown them away if Jon would have just opened his eyes to see anything more than the picture of me he's already had in his head. It's said that my respect for him as a director was finished before it began. I find it more sad that yet again my hopes of getting back onstage, proving to myself that I can, in fact, act, have been dashed-- not because of how I did, but because of who I am. Basically? not fair. It hurts.

So that's my pain. the rest of the weekend, I mean stuff happened and all... it was all pretty much tainted though. Thank God for good friends who kept me sane through all of this. And thank God for His mercy, which I now have the.. opportunity.. to extend to someone else. God help me to forgive and let go. I've dealt with it now and admitted that I was hurt and acknowledged that it doesn't matter if I'm right or anyone else for that matter, my only course of action at this point is to pray, give it over to God, forgive Jon, bless him and his production (that part was hard. I always hear about that being hard and I'm like "it's not that hard, just do it" because its really never been hard for me before, but this was hard. I really wanted nothing more than to say "every one of those girl actors better be nothing short of phenomenal. or I'm gonna be PISSED. and at the same time, I hope they're not so Jon can spend the next month of his life lamenting the fact that he didn't cast me!!" but I didn't. promise.) and praise God. This is me, moving' on. And I've found that when I get bogged down again and it starts to hurt again and I want to be mad again.. the best way to get past that and let it go and get over it and keep moving n and not lose my progress, is to praise God. so I mean... I'm getting somewhere. I'm making progress. We're doing this. Phew.

It's a new week. It's a new month. It's a new day. And I got to watch the sunrise this morning :)

<3

Aftermath (comes Algebra)

Well. I didn't make Boxer callbacks. I didn't even do well in Boxer auditions. I find this upsetting. Actually it triggered a bit of a meltdown yesterday. It was.. unpleasant. But, I suppose, beneficial. After all, metal is stronger once it's been smelted, right? Anyway. I hate being inferior. But it gives me... quite a bit to work on. Not so much the how-to... but anyway. that wasn't my point. My point was that God and I had a nice long chat about the whole fiasco. Basically, I tend to be naturally good at things. Or if I'm not, I'm pretty quick to pick it up. I've never come across something I couldn't do. There's never been something I couldn't make better if I tried hard enough. I've never just been not good enough. But this came terribly close. And I didn't like it, not one bit. Theatre is the one thing in the world I'm most passionate about next to God and people, and it's the one thing in the world that doesn't come easily to me. And so I'm ranting all this at God, all the while freaking out, melting down, and God's just basically like. "well, duh. You can't do it without Me."

so that's basically where I'm at with all that. We worked it out, we made a plan, we made an agreement on how we're going to do this. I've got work to do :) and it started today. Today's been lovely. I haven't been able to fully become non-disappointed about The Boxer, and I'm struggling to muster some excitement for Dream auditions tomorrow... But it'll get better. I'm pushing forward.

<3

What do you want to DO with your life?

what a loaded question. I mean, it's pretty straight forward, but I've never found it easy to answer. Sometimes because, there's just so much that I don't really know... and sometimes because, even though I know exactly what I want to do, I don't know if I can articulate it with words, or even if i can, it's just hard to spit it out and just have it right out there in front of the world to pick at or whatever. So my answers tend to be broad and nonspecific rather than the alternative.
Anywaym someone asked me last night, What do you want to do with your life? *sigh* well... there's the somewhat arbitrary things; theatre, art, music, performance, speaking, teaching, learning, traveling, writing, creating, discovering, revolutionizing. I know most of those, while vague, don't sound arbitrary to most people. But they are. They could be anything. I say arbitrary because none of these are really what I want to do; they're just the means that I see myself using to do what is really at the core of all of these desires. And what is that? two things. #1-- to Love, and to be Loved. and #2-- to know the Truth, and to share it. These are the two things that I will spend the rest of my life pursuing, and the more I obtain them, the more I will have to obtain.
I mean, on the one hand it's a noble destiny, and inspiring, and self-perpetuating, and never lacking direction if nothing else. On the other hand, though theyre certainly not unattainable, they will always be more obtainable. Does that make any sense? you don't arrive with these goals. You continue in them. So sometimes, when it's not as clear to see the progress we've already made, all we can see is the infinite distance yet to go. And then when someone asks you like it's as simple as "what do you want to be when you grow up, Tommy?" ..it can be frustrating. It can be difficult. And it's stirring. To be sure, it's good to be stirred. The Word even tells us to stir ourselves up. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between "stirred up" and restless. And sometimes they're both there at the same time. I think I could use a little more stirring and a little less restless.
Let's get to work on that, shall we?

Is it blissful kissful? Is it rapturous delight?

well, maybe not all that, but this weekend was quite wonderful :)
Friday night was Bus Stop (which went well, of course) and afterward we went out to Cheddars. Tiffanie and Sam and Whitney came, and a good time was had by all (despite some little bit of drama with the roommate... she got over it. ):) I love my friends. After Cheddars, went and hung out at Mark's for awhile. Saturday am watched the first part of the UT-OU game at Mark's shindig... Texas had a rough start but they won in the end, which I guess is cool. Can't say that I would have been any more or less satisfied if it had gone the other way.. *shrug*
Saturday matinee went fine, super small crowd though. went home and cleaned and chilled a bit between performances, then back for the night show which my parents saw and enjoyed :D afterwards me, lindsey, jon, aaron, kelsey, and lexi went bowling. SOOO much fun ^_^ we all did quite terribly as far as scoring goes, but it was fun. Sunday morning Mark went to Northstar with me (I can't really give a whole lot of specifics about why, but suffice it to say, this is kindof a big deal). Service was super-good. It's good to be back, after a month and a half of crazy rehearsal schedules that included Sunday mornings. :D sunday matinee show was good, theres was a good note of finality at the end, and I got pictures with all the cast which will soon be on my facebook ^_^ After that I went to mom and dad's for dinner with the family, and a good time was had by all. By that time, though, I was pretty tired so I ended up skipping the cast party. Aaron is pretty disappointed that I didn't bring him his cigar, but he'll get over it :p

And now it's Monday. Nothing to really worry about this week but schoolwork, prepping for The Boxer auditions, and relaxing :D

God has been very good to us...

<3

I don't feel like blogging

But i don't like not having updates.
I want to rename my blog. need suggestions.

so, there's a few people coming to the show tonight... I'm super excited ^_^ more about post-show activities than about the show itself, but the show will be fun too. most likely i'll spend the whole time making myself cute. but i pretty much already look cute so that might get redundant/restless, a bit. lol, who knows?

1.5 hours till the weekenddddd. it's gonna be such a good weekend! show and party tonight, football thing at marks in the morning, then Bus Stop matinee, hang out with the cast, Bus Stop evening performance. Sunday church, then Matinee, then dinner with the folks, then cast party. Maybe I'll take a nap or two... but probably not. I will be sleeping in though, so that's something :D

alrighty. i'm done. gonna go check my bank account and answer phone calls... one hour to the weekend.... !!!

<3

Centennial Celebration!

ok, so technically I can't really say centennial, because that implies 100 YEARS... but this is my 100th post! exciting, right? it's been like a year and a half, so I guess that tells you how often I update... :p

so what to discuss in my 100th post? politics? religion? super hero comics? web comics? film reviews? Show experiences? friends and family? love and romance? so many possibilities... but I think the most fitting thing will be simply to say how wonderful and extraordinary God has been in my life. Just looking back, He's grown me and changed me in so many ways.. in a lot of ways I feel like I've gone in circles, but at the same time, there's a measurable distance between where I was then and where I am now-- a significant distance. God is good. He's brought me to exactly the place where I need to be, and sometimes I knew what was going on and sometimes I didnt. I'm so blessed to be at CTC, working and learning, and at the time I fought the CCCC option tooth and nail. I had my life tied in a bow, so I thought, and God had other plans. And I couldn't be more grateful :) I wouldn't trade this past year and a half for the world. And honestly, at this point, I couldn't tell you what's coming. ANYTHING might happen. I might get "discovered" and run off to New York (not likely).. I might be in Dallas for a few more years.. I might go to UNT and get a bachelor's after all.. I might move to Chicago and be a vagabond. I might marry a youth pastor and go into full-time ministry. I might join a ministry troupe and travel for awhile. I might START a ministry troupe and travel for awhile. I might learn some more and get involved with KCM's television/film dept. I might elope and move to London. I might join a band and go on tour. The rapture might happen tomorrow. I might take a bullet for someone today. Time travel technology might develop, enabling me to go back in time to 1950 and woo Elvis Presley. Probably not... but you never know. Anything could happen :)

one thing for sure, I want to serve God and live life. I want to learn, and grow, and do, and be. I want to experience. I want to create. I want to believe, and see. I want to speak and be heard. I want to change.

So I guess if 100 posts is like a landmark, or a mile marker of sorts, then here I am. But what's ahead is more exciting than what's behind :D

More of the same(ish)

ok, so goals for the weekend were sleeping, laundry, shopping and studying, right? and a good show, of course. Well the show went really well. Sleep? check. slept until noon on saturday and 10:00 on sunday. Laundry? check. seven loads of it. still got a couple that need to be folded though... >_> shopping? almost check. got everything but the couple of presents that i was gonna pick up.. I'll do that this weekend :)
ok and studying. no check :( I still feel utterly unprepared for my British Lit midterm. It's going to be multiple choice, which is a definite plus... still though. this prof is tough, and at the moment I just don't know my stuff. Which means, any downtime I have between now and tomorrow evening will be spent reading, reviewing, spark-noting :p

I want my hair to be lighter/brighter. What do you think, lemon juice or peroxide?

well, today and tomorrow off, then shows on wed-sun. Mark and Traci and I are supposed to go to the fair today... provided it stops raining. Let's hope! and then, I had bought a ticket to see Life Stories on Wednesday, but then discovered that I have a show on Wednesday so I guess I need to call the box office and see if I can get that switched to Tuesday (tomorrow). [note to self.. call saturn dealership about plates and dentist's office to make an appointment]. After British Lit exam tomorrow I jump straight into writing my Speech term paper, which I believe I have about a week to finish, or something like that. No matter, a day or two is more than enough for this paper. My prof doesn't particularly care for me and my opinions, but she's a sucker for my writing ^_^... which is nice; it means I always have a B.S. fallback if I run out of time on her assigments. :D

So looks like it's gonna be a decently busy week. I'm gonna do my best to sneak a few z's in where I can. I feel quite well-rested now though, and I'll be able to go to bed early tonight if I play my cards right, and I can always nap during the show if I really need to ^_^

life is good. I am so blessed.... Thanks, God. ^_^

<3

Close Call

I missed my exit this morning. I was too busy trying to keep my eyes open to see that the exit i was passing was the one I needed to be on. ironically, the instant i realized that it was, I was wide awake. Joy. at that point, though, I had to keep driving until I could turn around... which ended up being in Rhome, TX. Needless to say, I sped like nobody's business to then make it to work on time. It was the grace of God (and perhaps the happenstance of the rain) that I didn't get pulled over, and a double portion of grace that I managed to not clock in late. I parked my car, didn't bother to lock it as i ran up the walkway (in heels. Praise the Lord that i happen to be wearing my easiest-to-run-in heels) and clocked in at exactly 6:00 a.m. with probably a whole 10 seconds to spare ;)
that's right, I live life on the edge! :p

Opening night last night went wonderfully. And for my part, I had everyone dressed, prepped, powdered and sprayed before the call for places and with time to spare! and they all looked good, of course ^_^
Every person has such a different face... i guess it's more obvious when you spend your time putting makeup on different faces. But honestly, everyone's faces is so different from anyone else's.. unique, i suppose. and working with other faces has also pointed out that i have [comparatively] a very high capability for wrinkles. Some people have very firm faces and virtually no wrinkles at all, even when they squish their face up. Aaron, for example, i have to create wrinkles on because his face has no lines! well, my face has an abundance of lines. ere go, I should probably take better care of my skin lest these wrinkles decide they might make themselves more visible in years to come. :p

British Lit midterm on Tuesday... guess we know how I'll be spending my weekend! doing laundry and studying when not at the show, and more studying in-between intermissions during the show. yup.

Going to the fair on monday!!! I'm so excited... totally worth skipping Speech class for. totally. :D

have a good weekend :) hopefully by monday I'll have accomplished much sleeping, shopping, and studying. we'll see ;)

<3

The prince has read Utopia...?

The Bible can touch our hearts, order our minds, and refresh our souls. - Ronald Reagan (40th President of the United States of America)

I really enjoyed this quote. It's from a promotional synopsis of The American Patriot's Bible. I think we (myself included here) don't pay enough attention to how we should be seeking the Lord to change our country. Yesterday in devotionals Jacob talked about how it is our duty to pray for our country and our government and its leaders. Actually, he used the word duty three times, which I found amusing in a very juvenile sort of way ^_^. But immature puns aside, it really is our duty to be praying for these things, and to speak the Word of God over our country and its leaders. I'm going to endeavor to be better about that... I'll add it to the list >_>

Someone told me I was tiny yesterday ^_^. She said she didn't realize how skinny I was. In all honesty, I'm not very skinny at all, but I have a pretty petite form so when I'm in shape I look pretty small. And guess what... I'm getting there! I'm starting to be able to see my arms and legs tone up. My midsection (abs/back/torso) is always the first thing to slim down/tone up when I work out or lose any weight at all. So it feels good to see the workout affecting the rest of my body too and not just that "extra skin" that always goes away fairly easily. But anyway. Somebody noticed that I look thin and I was flattered ^_^.

So we're reading Utopia in British Lit. Man... I rather dislike the fact that I have to stumble and rush through it just so I'll know enough in time to pass the quiz and therefore the class. And this isn't the first book I've felt this way about in this class. Felt the same way about Chaucer, and The Green Knight, and all the histories of British Literature that I've had to skim more than read... blech. and the thing is they're all in a fine-print text book with very thin pages which, i don't know if you know, but that is just freaking obnoxious to read! This is good literature, and I'd like to be able to really read it, and enjoy it. And I'd like to read it out of a real book on real paper I think. It'd just be easier. Anyway. All of that was basically to say I enjoy classic British Literature (and I use that word classic pretty loosely here I suppose) and I hope that I find the time after this class is over to go back and read this stuff for real.

Oh yeah, Tom Elliott finally posted those photos from the shoot we did last spring for his photography class. The project was Fear/Nightmare, so some of the pictures are pretty weird, lol. Some of them are kinda pretty though, in an almost-goth kind of way. Anywho. They'll be up on my facebook soon. I'll post a link when they're up :)

Tuesday. Dress rehearsal tonight. Full hair and makeup (oi vey) Nap between intermissions? One entire book of Thomas More's Utopia (just pretend that that's underlined) to read before 5:30 today. 1 paper to write before 4:30 tomorrow. 4.5 hours of sleep last night... skipped the shower (our little secret). I'm keeping up :) And God is good, and I'm gonna make some extra Word time tonight I think. I could sure use it.

<3

Stormy with a chance of gumdrops

Today is October the 5th. When did that happen??

seriously, like, I just started school... didn't I? and now Bus Stop is opening this week? I mean, on the one hand it feels like we've been working on it forever... but on the other hand, it's like what on earth we have to perform this for real? already??

So it was an exciting weekend i suppose. I was gonna go to the fair but ended up not since it was raining on-and-off. I'd rather go on a day when I don't have to worry about rides shutting down and whatnot. SO instead I hung out at traci's for a bit with mark and traci and whitney (andrew was sick :/) and we went to Brooklyn's and then saw Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs in 3D. I have to admit, 3D is pretty whatever with me. wearing glasses through a whole movie isn't all that comfortable, and once you get used to it the 3D doesn't really add all that much to the experience. my personal opinion. But in any case, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was SO good! I honestly did not expect to be impressed, but there you have it. Best animated film I've seen in quite some time.

Dress rehearsals all this week for Bus Stop, and we open on Thursday. Tonight I figure out the hair and makeup situation with everybody, and who needs help and who doesn't. Shouldn't be too bad :) and then I need to start working on my audition for The Boxer ^_^ I'm really excited... Like, I'm really interested in The Boxer... really like the script and I think I'd do really well in it. We'll see what the director is really looking for at auditions I suppose, but I have a good feeling about it, and I have experience with choreography, so that's in my favor :)
Even if I don't get cast or called back, though, auditions for Dream are that same week and I think I'm equally excited about that. Jon Christie is directing it, and I think it's really gonna be a good show. The characters and the synopsis are pretty interesting, plus it's an ALT Lab show, and those are always interesting :p

Well anyway, that's what's going on with me. I better get back to work now... >_> lol

<3

Stepping into Character

I was reading in Hebrews 11-12 yesterday, and got a little nugget from the Lord :)
Anyway, Hebrews 12 starts out talking about how we should throw off everything that hinders and the sin that weighs us down, etc etc. and how instead of considering our sturggle, we should consider the struggle that Christ endured for us and take that as encouragement...
So I'm meditating on this, and thinking of a few other instances in the bible that talk about putting off the old man and putting on the new. And that, directly applied to some things in my own life, I saw in a new light. To me that had always seemed sort of like putting down something that i had before and picking up something that i was supposed to have. Or purposefully stopping doing something and starting doing something else. I mean, I guess that's not totally inaccurate, but i just saw it in a different way... and I like this way better. It's not about refraining from saying mean things when you're mad or whining about it when you're hurt so that you're walking out the motions of walking in love-- it's about ceasing to be that person who reacts to a situation or event out of selfish concern (hurt or anger or pleasure or what have you) and stepping into the love of God, seeing through His eyes, and through that reacting out of love. Not forcing yourself to love, but reacting out of love.

Ok I'm gonna make another acting methods connection here. One method of characterization that I've been exposed to is to literally visual the character, standing in front of you-- their looks, their attitudes, mannerisms, strengths, insecurities, beliefs, desires, motivations, etc. Build all of that into this visualization in front of you. It can be alive, or as a shell, with all of these things sort of dormant, waiting to come to life. When it's complete, you step into it. So that, in a sense, you're wearing this character-- you put it on, you become this person as you designed him/her. Whether they look like you or not. It could be a tree, or a bunny rabbit, or a fairy queen, or the girl who looks remarkably like you. Doesn't matter. You put it on, step into it, and you become that.

Well, I think that walking in righteousness (walking in holiness, walking in love, running the race, putting on the Armor of God, putting on the new man, living as a new creation... however you want to think of it) is quite similar. Take the armor of God for example-- you've got the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of [the readiness that comes from] the gospel of peace, the helmet of salvation, and the shield of faith. All of these you put on, except the shield of faith, you kinda would pick that up i think. anyway. same concept. Meditate on these, and how the Word says to apply these, and simply step into that. When you think about it that way, you're actually experiencing the world around you through these things-- like a filter, of sorts. But the point is, just like with this characterization exercise in acting you're becoming that character that you created in your mind rather than trying to immitate what it would look like, you're not trying to immitate what it looks like to have a breastplate of righteousness on; you're actually wearing a breasplate of righteousness. the difference of course being that you didn't create the breastplate of righteousness in your mind, it's an actual tangible tool given to you in the Spirit.

But all of that more or less just presented itself a moment ago. The way I experienced it yesterday is that, when you shed your own self, your selfish concerns-- rather than suppress them or ignore them-- and consciously step into the love of God and the way that He sees the people around you... suddenly you're not trying to walk in love. Because you're actually in love. And when you're in love-- in the midst of it, not just experiencing it from one side-- then it becomes the filter that you experience the rest of the world through. Your input AND your output come and go through love.

Pshew. I'd love to be able to articulate this better than that^ but it's hard to articulate things that you didn't learn in words. (interlude: Spirit Thing, by the Newsboys. oldschool) I'll chew on it a bit more. okay.

<3

Montana's not such a bad place..

I've been going through some of my old posts today... its always so interesting to read one's own thoughts from times past. Some of the stuff i wrote i really like upon rereading it.. lyrics and whatnot. i kinda wonder why its been so long since i've written anything. maybe i just don't have enough down time.

you know what? I miss my Friths. yeah. just thought I might let you know that... :/

you know what else? I'm ready to not be having rehearsals every Sunday. It's really hard to go to a church whose earliest service is 10 am when you have to be at rehearsal at 11:30. blech.

hahaha
so guess who slept through her alarm and was an hour and a half late for work this morning? yeah, me. I mean, it could just as easily have been Susan, but it was me. We got out of rehearsal exceptionally late last night and my body has been wanting for rest lately too, especially with this silly cold/thing my immune system is taking care of. So i guess my body just threw a fit and decided not to listen when my alarm went off this morning. I didn't wake up until Tiffanie woke up and was like "..Bekah? What are you doing here?" and I was like "OH, CRAP!!"
lol. so I'm working an extra hour and a half after my usual shift to make up. I'm here until 3:30. it's really weird not leaving at 2:00... I feel like I'm in detention or something, like i have to stay and talk to the teacher after all the other kids leave class :/ lol. I am grateful that they're letting me make up the time though, for sure. this is NOT to happen again.

emotions are confusing. Maybe that's why i try to just ignore them most of the time. "Emotions are footprints in the rain" ..interesting statement there. Good song though. Trainwreck by A Rotterdam November.
anyhow. yeah. confusing. Who needs 'em. and I don't wanta go up to some God-forsaken ranch in Montana.

Slow again

It's been really busy at work the last several days.. last week was crazy busy, with Sister Gloria on the Broadcast everyone wants to call in! When the youngsters are on their doesn't seem to be quite as much of a craze. No reflection on them of course.

*cough**cough*cough* ... *sneeze* *sneeze* ... *nose blow*
gross, right? that's been the last three days. today's infinitely better though. The last couple of days i basically kept coughing and sniffling and throat-clearing and nose-blowing and coughing and sneezing and coughing and everything just stayed the same. today I feel like my chest and throat and nose are actually clearing, quite a bit. I'm also drinking hot mint tea and that helps immensely. dumb sinuses... -.-

had a couple talks yesterday. cleared up some drama. no specifics. but it was beneficial :)

It is unreasonable that today is only Tuesday. I'm just saying. It ought to be at least Thursday. Seriously.

I was supposed to start my financial breakthrough kit yesterday. I didn't. I'm honestly making every effort not to procrastinate. I honestly am. sometimes things still have to be pushed back :/

I also watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog yesterday. (no, not wasting time. don't judge me on the order of my paragraphs) It was... interesting..

I wish more of my friends were bloggers. I'm not saying I want to go back to Xanga or anything... but it'd be nice to hear more people's thoughts from day to day. At least I think so.

<3

p.s.
almost to the 100th post. won't that be an occasion :p

All You Need is Love

Actually, all you need is FAITH and love. A little faith, and Love... and you're set. But good luck with the Love part without faith. ...just sayin'
(Hebrews 11:6)

Will you pray for me?

I don't really feel like blogging, lol. But I guess I oughta post something, for the sake of having some semblance of consistency.

Yesterday at prayer an interesting thought occurred to me. I'm super blessed to be at KCM, and witnessing the power of prayer and faith in action pretty much daily. Prayer works, and I see it all the time. God does move in peoples lives and answer the prayers of His saints, and it's so obvious to me who gets to be an active part of a huge network of faith-filled believers daily. So anyway, I got to thinking about all of those people who don't really have much faith in prayer.. they don't really believe, it seems, that God legitimately moves today the same way He did 2000 years ago. But the thing is, these same people who don't really pray, don't really believe that prayers will make a difference, even maybe scoff at those who do... these are many of the same people that say things like "could you be praying for me" or "keep such-and-such in your prayers.." or "I'm just a-hopin' and prayin'".... now, to me, that's just silly. Why say you're gonna pray if you're not? and if you are, why pray if it's not gonna do anything? I feel like your time would be better spent reading a book (or whatever). How silly though, to act like prayer and petition are the most normal things (or at least the most normal things to say) and then in the next breath act like believing that your prayers have real and effective power is just plumb crazy. I say THAT's just plumb crazy. and hypocritical too, a bit.
So really I guess my argument here is, I'm not weird for taking God at His word and treating Him like a real person who cares about me and is an active part in my life and praying like my prayers will make a difference... You're stupid for acting like you believe God when you don't, treating God like He's some ineffectual idea, and praying (or saying you're going to, or asking someone else to) empty words that you don't even believe will be heard. What kind of sense does that make??

In other news, I still haven't got the character sketches for Bus Stop done. I'm going to knock out as many as possibly tonight.

Also, I went on a date the other night. It was fun :) Mark made us dinner and we watched a movie and ate by candle light and such clicheness. lol. Tiffanie pokes fun, but I think it was romantic. So yeah, good times :)

The day after an unpleasant one

Staff chapel this morning.. was really good. Pastor George talked about healthy relationships, especially families and marriages. Really good stuff. I heart Pastor George ^_^

...I want to get married... *sigh*

So rehearsal tonight... 7-10 pm. First normal rehearsal we've had so far, as far as length at least. We're doing alot of understudy work tonight, so I hope I'm ready for that :/ It's one thing to read lines with someone else on book, but it's another to try to remember them while doing blocking that I've only really half-learned so far... ugh. But I'm excited to finally be up on stage and working with people. We're also running alot of the Act III scenes between Bo and Cherie.. which means me and Jon... but we're both professionals. so no worries. yeah.

I need decorations for my desk at work. It looks pretty bland for the most part. Any suggestions?

Days of Refreshing

6:21. am. Tuesday.
I think I only got a few hours of sleep last night... well oh well. I'll be responsible tonight, how about that?

Started P90X yesterday.. first workout was Core Synergistics.
...
It. Kicked. My. Butt.
and I didn't realise it until i got up this morning, but my back is really sore. Oh boy.

So this week is the Days of Refreshing at EMIC... I got to go the the service yesterday morning.. omg. SO good ^_^ Keith Moore spoke on not letting your heart become hard. God's awesome of course and saved me a seat on the second row.. and I loved every minute of it. And I'm gonna listen to it again today. Keith Moore is such a good guy :) I really like him. As a teacher, he tends to be very straight-forward, and some people think that he can be very blunt and almost harsh sounding... and I mean yeah he's blunt alot of times, he doesn't sugar-coat, but he's gentle. He gave a slightly sobering call-you-out-on-the-carpet kind of message yesterday, and it probably made some people a little uncomfortable I guess.. but I thought he was very gentle with it. Very this-is-the-deal, now-heres-what-we-need-to-do. you know? that doesn't seem harsh to me...

I've had some melancholy moods lately.. because of the rain and some other things. I've tried to even write some prose or poetry a couple times, but the artsiness that usually comes with such melancholy seems to be in short supply. well, whatevs. :)

Disease (the Amplified version)

The subject came up in my mind this morning, through a series of thoughts that would be complicated to relate in text, of Ease. Gail, the Director of Bus Stop and teacher of my Acting class last semester talks about ease quite a bit. It's one of Michael Chekhov's "Four Brothers In Art," or BEEF: Beauty, Ease, Entirety, and Form. But she comments a lot and encourages her students and actors to be Easy, to move with ease, and not with a sense of disease. It makes sense, and I've seen the difference onstage. Lately though, God's been showing me more and more than every good and perfect thing comes from above-- which means basically that we have God to thank for any and every good thing, yes, but in apply-this-to-more-than-just-church terms to me means, every bit of "worldly" goodness, every solid practice and truthful principal, whoever says it and wherever it's found, leads back to a Biblical principal, and to God Himself.

I was thinking yesterday about a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson's School of Divinity Address: "If a man is at heart just, then in so far is he God; the safety of God, the immortality of God, the majesty of God do enter into that man with justice." I think that Mr. Emerson was a wonderful essayist and philosopher, and in this particular quote he puts forward [in a different sense] exactly the principle I'm observing. If there is good, then there is God. Jesus said no one is good but God... now I'm not trying to make the argument that therefore God is in everyone and so everyone is saved. I'm not talking salvation here. I'm saying that anywhere you see goodness, you're seeing the character of God. And I'm saying that everyone, and everything, be it religious, secular, outside the church or not, are illustrations of "Biblical" principles-- which are, in fact, the principles of nature, the principles of creation.

Take the concept of "Ease," for example. If you do things with a sense of ease rather than a struggling dis-ease, if you will, you will find that you perform better, that you feel better, that your body responds better. You are livelier, natural, believable. Disease, on the other hand is forced, a struggle, unnatural, uncomfortable, incredible, and generally unpleasant. This we can pretty basically observe. But why is that?

In the Bible, and the New Testament especially, we see a lot of references to "peace" and "rest" always as something to obtained, maintained, received. It's a goal to be reached, more or less; it's what we want. Ps 37:37 says "Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright; for the end of that man is peace." On the flip-side, we have words from Jesus like, "Don't worry about tomorrow", "blessed are the peace-makers" and Paul saying "Cast your burdens on the Lord".. etc. basically, peace = good. Worry/burden/antipeace = bad. I'm seeing a connection here with the whole ease = good, disease = bad concept. So I did a word study on "disease."

Here's a few synonyms for Disease:
distress, or uneasiness of mind-- caused by fear of danger or misfortune.
anxiety
Travail (painfully difficult or burdensome work; toil)
grief
calamity
Psalms' use of "Disease" is confusing, but it's along these same lines..
debility, enervation (to deprive of force or strength; destroy the vigor of; weaken)
enfeeble
ailment (physical or mental disorder)

...how interesting that even though many times it is a physical sickness or disorder (out of order), it just as often (or more) is more mental, and spiritual. And several times in the Bible, wherever the word "disease" is used, it's preceded by the word "evil." (evil disease)
so I think we can all agree that disease = bad, and much more than just physical sickness. It encompasses striving, toiling, sadness, misfortune, pain (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), disability, weakness, dis-order...

Now here's the fun part. In Matt 4 & 9 (among others) it says that Jesus healed ALL manner of disease (i.e., restoring ease.) Hey, buddy! Let's go through that one more time.. that means He put a stop to striving and toiling (vain effort for something that God's already done), restored JOY instead of sadness, fixed calamities and misfortunes (unfortunate events causing discomfort), relieved pain (physical, mental, emotional AND spiritual), created ability where there was disability, supplied strength where there was weakness, restored order where things had gotten out-of-order. I mean, if that doesn't just make you wanna sing... then read one more chapter. Because in Matt 10 He gave the disciples (and.. I'M a disciple) "power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and ALL manner of Disease."
Heyyy... you know what that means?

That means I don't just move with ease on stage... I don't just abide in peace, and in God's rest..
I create ease. I get rid of ALL manner of dis-ease, everywhere I go. 'Cause I'm with Jesus. Whew! Gail didn't know she was preaching a sermon when she said to move with ease....

C.M. Dill

Cass wrote a crazy-awesome note on facebook. You should check it out if you haven't already.

I haven't learned my lines yet for Bus Stop :/
And basically, I have until Friday to be off-book. Good times.

worked out lightly yesterday... enough that i felt fatigue when I was done but I wasn't exhausted. And enough that I can feel a little soreness in certain places now, but I'm still able to walk :)

My coffee this morning is extra-sweet. But I'm okay with that.

You know, I realized the other day that.. I miss my friends. I don't see most of them very much anymore. I see the people I work with, and the people I'm in a show with... and I mean I see Mark and Traci and some DYA kids quite a bit... and I live with Tiffanie but I don't really see her all that much lol. I haven't hung out with Sam or Whitney or Autumn or Daniel or Joel or Ariel or Heather or Hucks or Quinton or Sarah or.................
I mean alot of times it's because of location and distance, and I suppose that can't be helped or held against me. (And I didn't even mention my west tx and out-of-state friends..) But most of it's just due to scheduling. I mean, I do what I gotta do and I'm more or less resigned to the fact that there's no way around that affecting my social life... but still. I miss my friends. Somebody want to hang out this weekend? I can put my homework off for a few hours... :)

couple quotes from cass's recent work to end this post..

"Love is absolute, all-consuming, all-encompassing. It is wilder than a violent cylcone, gentler than an evening breeze. Love is louder than a volcanic eruption and as silent as the depths of space." -C.M. Dill

"This is our essence: mine and Yours. You are a supernova of passion, and when You found me I was redefined." -C.M. Dill

Ariele Beriyah

Hah. So that to-do list, from my last post? yeah, didn't exactly work out as planned. I got a minimal amount of reading done for class.. I still have the rental.. I didn't get home until everybody was leaving the apartment already.. the double date was fun, albeit shorter than I had anticipated. lol. Script? yeah.... not so much. We'll get some work done on that tonight.

But all in all, twas a good day. I got to sleep late, relax around the house for a bit, chill with the sistas...
My nephew is really smart. Did you know that? Like, as smart as I was at his age... though with ever so slightly less reserved behavior. (I feel like that was an awkward phrase, but I'm not going to change it.)

So I still want to get a motorcycle. I feel that would be perfectly reasonable-- smart, even. idk. I want one. It's that feeling when you thought something was going to happen a certain way or you were going to do something and it didn't happen that way but then you're still like, "well.. i still think its going to happen that way" and then laterit does. yeah. something like that.

Speaking of vehicles, I've named the saturn. Ariele Beriyah. Both are Hebrew... Ariele I find fitting to the look and feel of the car, based mostly on the sound of the name. It means lion of God, and is synonymous with Jerusalem in the old testament. I changed the spelling of course... Ariele looks more graceful than Ariel. Beriyah (Bri for short) mean "new thing". It's a good name for her :)

so today I have work until 2, work out after work (aiming to be done by 2:30, or at least out of the parking lot by 2:45) thus day one of my embarkment toward impeccable health and fitness. After that, head home & finish any reading for class tonight that I havent by that point, and Mark's gonna meet me at my apartment and follow me over to the car rental place in my car so I can finally get rid of that silly lily rental and be driving my own car :D

Alright. no exceptionally interesting thoughts today... but there's an update. enjoy :)

Labor Day :D

so, today is Labor Day. Praise the Lord! I can use it, for sure.
SO rehearsals this weekend went very well... I'm actually behaving like an understudy now (meaning most of what I do is watch and take notes, lol) so the rehearsals are not as active for me as when we were doing character work. But I'm still learning quite a bit and have just as much outside-rehearsal work to do. At times I feel like I could be dramaturging this play. lol.

so today, I am
Taking the rental up to DFW and dropping it off (because all of the local branches are closed today)
Naming my new car
Getting caught up on reading and assignments for this week
Going over script and doing yet more research for Bus Stop (of course)
Hanging out at the apartment with some friendsss
Double date tonight lol

yay Labor Day ^_^

We Got This Crate of Soaps In...

So it's just occurred to me—
I’m reading brother Kenneth’s prophecy from oct. 2008, on our "Marching orders".. basically like 4 simple points to staying in the Blessing. Good stuff. If you haven't read or heard it, you can view it at http://www.kcm.org/sites/kcm.org/files/cck/prophecy/field_prophecy_attachment/Kenneth_Copeland_Prophecy_pay_attention_0.pdf Anyway, it occurred to me that a lot of my friends would probably place under the category of crazy the notion of not paying any attention based on political and economical action, as the government’s concerned. But I mean, that’s exactly what we’re supposed to do. I mean, as applies to our own business, basically there’s no reason to much acknowledge what the government does and doesn’t do. Makes perfect sense from a faith standpoint. Like a jigsaw puzzle with four fun pieces! :p And then it just kindof works out, what we see of it.
Idk, I just thought of it in that light I suppose because yesterday Mark and I were talking about politics.. and it’s interesting how we can have essentially the same sensibilities and objectives, and yet such fundamentally different viewpoints. Mainly we were discussing the issue of socialized healthcare. But anyway, so I suppose my mind was on politics a bit, and there are a lot of people I know who think it doesn’t make sense to depend on God for economic stability and support. Like, I guess it just doesn’t occur to them. So it’s interesting (and, in a way, a little thrilling) to be able to say to them, “well, I know it doesn’t make sense to you rationally, but just listen to what I say, disagree if you want, but watch what I do and see how it plays out.” I mean, like the car thing. It’s one thing for me to tell God, between Him and me, “ok God. Now, You said You’d supply all of my needs.. and this is definitely a need.. so I trust You to do that.” And a little bit more of a thing to say before other people, “I have this need, and God said He’d take care of it, so He’s gonna. Watch and see.” It’s scary if you think that whatever happens is going to be a reflection on you. But how many times in the Bible did God say he would do something (esp for the Israelites) for His own namesake, as a testament to Him as God, not them as the people. How many times did Moses call God out and say, “Listen, You said You’d [do this] so it’s your own reputation on the line, whether we deserve it or not.” So I mean, I feel like I’m within my respectful rights to hold that up and be like, “You said You’d do this. So I’m gonna let You do it. It’s on You, and if You do it, then it’s on You and I’ll tell people. And if You don’t do it, then its on You and I’ll tell people.” Honestly, I didn’t say that second part. But I did say basically, I’m doing what You told me to do, so if I’m doing anything wrong then You better let me know and I’ll fix it because otherwise You get all the credit either way. I mean, my initial reaction is to kindof recoil and be like, “I don’t know if I can hold God to the line like that..” but then, why not? It’s nothing more than taking Him at His Word.. which is faith.
So… I’m kindof excited. Because I know a lot of people who understand with a visual example what they don’t understand without. You know? It’s exciting to realize that you are proof that when you act on what you believe (when what you believe is the Word of God), you’re taken care of. And those things that you said that might not make sense to someone who’s not seeing the whole picture play out right in front of them (and you). And the you can be like “see, even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it works. So maybe you should pay attention ;)”

Alright.. I probably should return that box of soap… :/

Afterword from Cass: "A definitely agree. God never tells us to do anything He isn’t also willing to do. He says we are accountable for the words of our mouths. Therefore, so is HE!! He goes to and fro throughout the world looking for someone who is willing to put pressure on His Word. Some one He can show Himself faithful to. That’s the Glorious Church we keep hearing about. One who is willing to stake everything on God’s word and let Him show off to the world on their behalf. Very, Very exciting."

Can It Be Saturday Now?

It's Friday. yay. that means the weekend is tomorrow, for most people. for me it means the weekend is 17 hrs away yet. And counting.

rehearsal tonight... I'm really not prepared. Hopefully by then I will be but... well we'll see. It's been a bit of a rough week, and I really did not get to do as much work during the week as I would have liked. So today I guess I get to play catch-up. yay. Or maybe I'll spend most of the rehearsal writing down blocking. That'd be ok with me too.

4 o'clock seemed to come unreasonably early this morning. I mean really. I woke up and all I could think was "nooooo.. more sleeeeep. pleeeeassse." yes, I'm very whiney when I'm tired. Nonetheless, here I is at Kenneth Copeland Ministries, alert and ready to be dishin' out some Word.Honestly, though, I'm predicting a highly caffeinated day. and like twelve hours of sleep tomorrow. yeah.

Update on the car situation: God is good, and I love my daddy, and I'm provided for :) ..at considerably less than I was anticipating, too. Did I mention that God is good? I mean, it's no motorcycle... but never fear. that possibility is still there ;)

RIP Sylvia

so Colorado was wonderful. Lots of hiking, and relaxing, and nature, and a little bit of shopping... it was nice :) honestly though, by the end of the week I was ready to get back to the real world!

Collin theatre held the first auditions of the season for Bus Stop and Life Stories: A Musical Revue. I auditioned for Bus Stop, and got cast as an understudy. I really didn't expect to get called back, to be perfectly honest. I completely blanked in my prelim audition... yikes. But I got called back, and I didn't make the original cast, but I'm understudying for Cherie. Which I'm happy with. :)

Life has been hectic the last couple of weeks. Between work, class, rehearsal, outside character work and this ridiculous reading schedule my british lit prof is imposing, I'm having to work hard not to let my Word time and my sleep time go by the wayside. Weekends help alot with the sleeping part. Work helps with the Word part, though I do try not to let it depend on having time at work. Honestly though, sometimes at work is the only time that I get to my Bible in a day. It happens.

So Sylvia (my car) has been decommissioned. Her life was cut short :(
what happened was, Sunday night there was a police chase and the guy running from the cops hit my car, which was parked outside of my apartment. It was a shock to my system, but I made arrangements to get it taken care of and everything (with help). Yesterday the insurance people told us that it's been totalled. So basically... I'm out of a car for the moment. I have a rental until Monday, and I have two AMAZING friends who have already offered to let me borrow their car until I can get one of my own. I'm not worrying. I mean, yesterday, I definitely had a bit of a meltdown. The mourning for my car mixed with the "what am I going to do?" sentiment mixed with the "I was already trying to keep up this is not a good time for a change in plans" mixed with Lord even knows what else all kindof melded into a *fun* little crying spree. Naturally I had no desire to drive to school and flunk a British Lit quiz in that condition, so basically I skipped class and went to Mark's house and blubbered for awhile. Then I did my homework and sat down and wrote out all of what I have to work with, and we finished Defensive Driving (finally), and the world seemed a little lighter. Praise the Lord for good friends.

The bottom line is really, my hands have been emptier than this before; God took care of me then, and He'll do it again. Besides, He said He would provide all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus-- so now He gets to follow through on that. I mean I'm not being cocky and I'm not saying, "God, you better do this for me!" I'm just saying.. He said He would. So now He has to. It's His name that's on the line, really. So I can't wait to see what He gives me ^_^

Leaving for CO tonight...

I'll be there for a week. plus this weekend and next weekend

oh boy. went to the Dallas Museum of Art last night with a bunch of friends... I'll come back later today probably and make an edit to tell all about those shenanigans... long story short, got home at 12:30 last night, slept throught my alarm and woke up to my second alarms set for 5 min before my goal departure time. funnn. it's one of those give-me-espresso-and-don't-ask-questions mornings. hah. currently I'm walking in place/doing a little dancin at my desk to Canton Jones. come on, blood flow! ok. more later. ok. :D