Long Overdue

alright
so.. i should have blogged about recent happenings long before now. i just haven't found the opportunity, lol.

so let's see. when last you heard from me, i was single, still in finals, stressed about school and work (i didn't talk about that much), planning a roadtrip for january, and not nearly close to being finished with my Christmas shopping. let me set you straight.
first of all, i'm not single anymore ^_^. The most wonderful man in the world, who by God's grace has somehow fallen in love with me, my best friend, Collin Bragdon, is no longer just my best friend. Call him what you want, my boyfriend, my honey, my beau, my beloved, my man ^_^ ... the key word there is my. as some of you may or may not know,we've known eachother for about 2 and a half years, give or take alittle. and we've been "talking"... getting to know eachother, spending time together, and most importantly praying about eachother for about a year and a half. about a year ago, i knew for sure that i was his girl and that only God could possibly make this relationship happen. lol. and about six months ago we talked about it, confirmed that we were both on the same page and had heard the same things from God, but it wasn't the right time yet for us to move forward with the relationship. and THEN, sunday night... change of story.

so it's Collin's first week back in town for the holidays, right. naturally, sunday night we went to The Deep 20's ministries. after the deep, it's generally the practice to go out to eat somewhere all together. Collin very early suggested ihop, which i thought nothing of. it didnt matter because in the end he was overruled in favor of going to buffalo wild wings to watch the cowboys game. we ate... and by we i mean eveyone but collin and joel. everytime i offered collin food he declined. said he felt like he might throw up. this i also thought nothing of, other than concern. a few times while we were there he got up to go talk to someone from the staff... this i found EXTREMELY suspiscious. especially since he gestured toward our table while talking. so i knew he was scheming. i thought he was going to tell them it was my birthday and have them do their make-a-really-big-deal-about-it thing. i was mistaken.
so the game ended, people started leaving, things quieted a little. i didnt notice joel slipping outside to retrieve something from his car :/
next thing i know, collin's asking for everyone's attention to say, "Excuse me everyone. as some of you may or may not know, this lady and myself have been in a relationship for some time now. But now the time has come to take our relationship to the next level. Rebekah Michaele Melillo, will you enter into a courtship with me that will last until our marriage?" and he hands me a rose.
At this point i'm not sure whether i was laughing or crying from embarrassment. i am very sure that my face was the same color as the rose, and all i could say was "yes." followed by applause and "awww"s from around the table. turns out he had had breakfast with my dad that morning, my dad gladly gave his consent (and why wouldnt he?) and they had a nice long chat about everything but the weather. (i dont actually know if they tlaked about the weather.)

and so begin's Collin and mine's courtship. we get to learn to share our lives with eachother, to do life together. I'm so excited!!!
we also had our first date last night, but i don't have the stamina to tell about that today... another time.

in other news, i survived my finals, and my lighting project, and got my grades back for the semester. turns out i made 2 B's. one in govt and one in Lighting. the govt i can understand. i only gave about 90% in that class, and i missed some online work. totally my fault. but Lighting?? i'm very upset about that. i worked my tail off in that class to learn what mt prof was supposed to be teaching me. and i got a B. VERY uncool.
so i was disappointed. i mean, this is the first time i've gotten a B since at least middle school. but i'll get over it. my life is far from ruined :D

i was also stressed about work, because i was getting miniscule hours. i'm full time now though, and making happy money :)

finished my Christmas shopping yesterday... but i have to go back because the last thing that i bought (incidentally, collin's present ^_^ i'd tell you what it is because i'm so excited but he tends to read this blog often, so i wont. you'll find out after Christmas.. Eve.) i brought home only to find that it has a broken part. argh. so i have to take it back to whence it came from and have it fixed asap.

and yes, I was planning a roadtrip in january, to alabama to visit some old friends and check out Legacy Church (potential career-starting job op). Collin and I have been wanting to go, and the details worked out so nicely in January, except that no one else could go, and Collin and I can't go by ourselves, for accountability and appearance purposes. yarr. so it's been postponed. i feel bad for flaking on Pastor Chris, but there's not really anything i can do. *shrug*

*sigh*
God is so stinkin awesome. everytime i turn around He's blessing my socks off and i'm just totally overwhelmed (in a good way.) Thank You, Lord!
What has He done for you today?

<3

almost... done...

one final down, 3-and-a-half to go! i say three and a half because the fourth one is actually a final project that i am SO CLOSE to being finished with. i really should have finished it last night, but apparently i lack the ability to diligently work on schoolwork at home. it's so much easier to watch House :p
so i'm going to enjoy my cup of powder-mix chai, finish this blog, then i'm going to go spend some time with the Lord and we're gonna jam to some michael w. smith and talk about some stuff, and then i'm gonna go over my government stuff for my exam today at 4, finish my research paper final draft (mostly i'm reprinting the rough draft... go me) and my other little english "lab" assignments (i've got like 6 to go..) and look over the prompt for the final exam tonight at 7. i ought to do some studying for the physics exam tomorrow too, but only if there's extra time leftover. i still have to print some stuff out, select color samples, and draw up a magic sheet for my stage lighting project, also due tomorrow. so as you can see, i'm pretty much booked for the day. but after tomorrow, i'm home free!!

*sigh*
alright, the Michael W. Smith Christmas concert. it was awesome. i love Christmas music, i love MWS' work, so i knew going in it was a good review waiting to happen. i'd never seen him live before this... just heard his music and loved it, especially the compositions. you know what's wayy better than his compositions? his heart for worship. seriously, his heart and his realness are what impressed me the most. he plays in "professional" venues like the Meyerson, but no matter where he is or who his audience is, he's not ashamed and he doesnt hold back on the gospel of Christ. i want to be like that. i left that concert not wanting it to end because it was so much fun, but also sortof wishing that i could just jump on the bus and go with them. i would so love to be doing that.. traveling, sharing the gospel, acting out my passions for the glory of Christ like they are... but for the time being i'm stuck here, working toward that true enough, but so often it feels like i'm not moving at all. just wasting precious time. anyway. we were driving away and i said to my mom "i really want to go hang out with michael w smith now" in an effort to express what i was feeling, and she says, "you and a thousand other people" .. that made me feel kinda small. but i know what she meant.
i was a little saddened that i couldnt meet him after the show or get him to sign my purse, but thats how things work in a more "sophisticated" venue like the meyerson. i'll just have to go to another show ;)

alright alright.. i gave the promised mws details... now i have to get to work. yarr.

<3

taking a break

yeah... its been awhile. holidays, parties, and finals. what do you want from me? i'm taking a break from school work for a bit though... so i thought i'd better post before i just get so ridiculously behind that i can't even manage to get it all into a blog post. lol.

ok, so i totally spaced on the thanksgiving post. i think i'm gonna do it sometime that's not thanksgiving... it's healthier when it's not contrived.
it's officially Christmas season now, and i'm totally excited!! but before i get too carried away with that, i think i better tell you about my ridiculous weekend.

alright, let's start with wednesday, the official beginning of my thanksgiving weekend. i helped clean the house a bit, did absolutely no schoolwork, and then went to work. i worked for awhile, nothing really entertaining happened. UNTIL i was pleasantly surprised when none other than my superman (ok.. he doesnt exactly belong to me. i suppose as long as that's the case i'd better use his first name, huh?) so collin shows up unexpectedly, and we end up joining the old "gang" from paradigm for some good ol' timin' applebees. twas good times. it was really good to see everybody. then we stopped by andi's to hang out with my other "gang" from high school... more good times and memories were shared. once again, good to see everyone. i freaking love/miss/love andrea sanders. yeah. pretty much.
thursday was thanksgiving... mom cooked, cass and billy came over, we cleaned, sean and april (bro and sis-in-law)n and april's sister amber came down from tulsa, and much food and a good time was had by all. yay ^_^
i went to bed early that night, as i had to get up at THREE AM the next morning to be at work at 4 to open the coffee shop at 4:30 for Black Friday. which was, after all of that hullabaloo, a flop. nobody came. not one customer claimed their free shots. lol. so i left work early to come home and crash for an hour, then commence with "decorating" (we didnt really get much decorating done friday) tiffanie and collin came over and hung out, watched a movie, etc. etc. had some good time with the fam. i love my family.
saturday the real party preparations began... and let me tell you, by the time we were done with it the house looked great, inside and out. we almost exhausted ourselves (especially mom. that woman is a machine) by the time the party even started. so 7:00 rolls around and the early partiers start showing up.. mom and i go primp ourselves, and before you know it the house is crowded and the party is in motion. lol. most everybody said they liked the party.. in my opinion if you didnt have fun it's probably because you were too boring to go strike up a conversation with one of the 50 thousand people there (ok, there werent that many). lots of food was also available for stuffing one's face. thanks so much to everyone who came and those of you who didnt get to (you were missed!)
sunday we were all too pooped to do anything. cass and billy and sean and april and amber went home, and the rest of us were left as witnesses to the aftermath of the weekend. lol. needless to say, no cleaning was done. actually, not much of anything was really done.
monday was back to school and back to work, and just about time for stress over my stage lighting projectto kick in. i got a good portion of that done today though and at least know what i'm doing and am confident that i'll pass with a decent grade, so i'm feeling much better :) seriously though.. stressing out is exhausting and detrimental to the body. i most certainly do not recommend it.
the rest of the week passed in much the same fashion.. today was the last day of class for the semester and i have finals monady, tuesday and wednesday of next week. pray for me!

oh! and wednesday i took my mom to that concert for her birthday. it was a great show, but it deserves more detail than i can really go into right now, so i'll save that for another post.
...whew! goodnight!

<3

watching the world wake up

i'm blogging from work.. a first for me.
i work in a coffee shop, for those of you who don't know. we open at 5:30, which means i get here at 5:00 am. and on days like today, when i open after closing the night before and leaving at 11 p.m., it can get a little hard to be interested in coffee. lol. it's kinda neat though, to watch the world wake up through my store windows.
first it's dark, the torches are on outside with their solitary flames.. a car drives by now and again... even the cars look sleepy.then after a little while, a little pink starts to touch the sky, making it a dull pastel purple-grey. more cars start coming out, things seem to be moving a little faster... it's like the town's wakeup stretch. the pink starts to brighten and outline the clouds, the sky turns a brighter blue, and before you know it it's full morning. makes me want to yawn

i remind me of You've Got Mail.. lol.

aaand i gotta go turn off the torches now. g'day :)

<3

p.s.
this is my 50th post! party!

*so excited* ^_^

alright guys. i'm rediculously excited. for many reasons... i'll tell you one or two ;)

so for my mom's birthday/Christmas (this merits TWO holidays, cuz it cost a pretty penny.. and it's just that awesome) i got her tickets to see Michael W. Smith's Christmas concert, accompanied by the Dallas Symphony Orchestra at the Meyerson. best composer, best Christmas music, best concert hall... can't really beat that, now can you? and our seats have a great view of the piano, which he plays on his best songs. i'm soooooooo excited, she's gonna love it!!! and if you tell her, i'll cut your tongue out >:(

in other news, i saw Twilight. went to the midnight release, in fact. coulda been soooooo much better. all of the actors did a good job except for kristen stewart and robert pattinson... the two leads. seriously. hers was the worst acting job i've seen thus far.. in my lifetime. well, in a movie anyway. no wonder stephanie meyers doesnt want to be associated with the film. the screenplay and script were mediocre at best. the videography was awful. Fandango's review said "you can't keep your eyes off of kristen stewart and robert pattinson"... what it doesnt say is that that's because half of the movie is close-ups. the other half is mostly circle pans and random nature shots. i know, you're thinking "what the gay? why would they do that" ...that's what i thought too.
however, despite almost total lack of character development in the script, the other actors did really well. Charlie swan gets the best-played character award. i think they did pretty well with jacob black too. and the CULLENS... ^_^... carlisle is beautiful. and jasper is rather exquisite too. ^_^
overall, here's my advice for the producers of Twilight: fire the videographer. blacklist the casting director. you're pretty much stuck with stewart and pattinson, so invest in some acting classes. and catherine hardwicke is an idiot of a director. unless you have a contract, boot her too. and a new makeup artist might be called for too. last but not least, read the books. and make the rest of your staff and cast read them too.

<3

its that time of year
when the world falls in love, every song you hear
seems to say
Merry Christmas!
may your new year's dreams come true
and this song of mine
in three-quarter time
wishes you and yours the same thing too

i'm so excited ^_^

i love this time of year when the world falls in love

(no, i'm not skipping thanksgiving, i'm just doing things ever so slightly out of order this year :p but i promise promise to do a thanksgiving post.)

p.s. i turned 18. i'm legally an adult now. yay me.

<3

feel so small

so today in my government class we had a guest speaker, a "child survivor" from the holocaust. she was a toddler in occupied france in the 1940's... her entire village basically hid her family from the nazis, a sort of silent resistance

man.
the whole story is amazing, all of the little things along the way that saved her and her family's lives. every time i hear or learn about the holocaust, especially meeting an actual survivor of the holocaust (i'd never met one before), i feel so small. like, this was such a huge monstrosity basically, it's overwhelming to think about, and i cant even fully grasp it. i can't imagine so much hatred and cruelty. it's so far away, so very removed from myself... it makes my life look like 100% sunshine and rainbows. and in comparison, it is. people like those villagers that saved this family's lives.. they were faced in life with a crossroads, and they didnt have a choice but to make a difference one way or another. they could preserve themselves and cooperate with the nazis and hope for favor, or they could do the right thing and save a life, and countless other lives by posterity, and pray for grace. how many of us sheltered americans have nothing to face but the decision of what we want? granted, if you're serving God and you're in His will then you know that you have a purpose, and that's the only thing that keeps me from feeling like my life as it is is pointless.
anyway... i wont go on and on about it.. it never fails to get me thinking, though. the real heroes of the holocaust, who saved lives and risked their own resisting the nazis, they didnt think they were heroes. they didnt think they were being valiant or praiseworthy.. they did what was right. they did what any decent person should. and they were scared just like anybody else...
i hope that if the opportunity were ever to present itself in my life, i could so easily set myself aside and do the right and decent thing. in fact, i hope i do every day of my life.

<3

what to post, what to say?

*sigh*

so i'm sitting in my english class waiting for the rest of the class to finish the assignment that we had as HOMEWORK. i'd already done it, of course, being that having it done when you arrive in class is sortof the nature of homework... but my prof is a bit of a pushover so why bother? anyway, all of this to explain why i'm sitting here wasting time at school.. during class. eh. whatever

hahaha, funny moment. so i was in my physics lab yesterday, and we were talking about bouyancy, specifically in relation to density. so my prof was talking about the Great Salt Lake, the Dead Sea, etc. and he says, "if you've ever been to the Great Salt Lake, when you get out, it feels like you're just coated in salt.."

and this guy in my lab interjects, "..you ARE coated in salt"

lol

good times good times. i felt a little disrespectful for laughing, but seriously. it was funny.

so i really dont know what to write blog about... i've got plenty on my mind, sure, but how much of it can i formulate into sentences? and how much would i actually want to put into a hard copy? idk...
i had a dream last night that my party was a total disaster. it was rather unpleasant. i mena, i know it wont really be, but still. i was a little unhappy when i woke up. which is of course why i went back to sleep :p

i feel so impatient lately. like imagine you live in rockwall (suburb of dallas) and you're expecting a package to be delivered by ups. and you sorta thought it'd be there already, but i mean you didnt want to get bent out of shape over it or anything so you just kep on waiting, cuz you know there might have been benign complications. so after a little while you call UPS to see where it is (you know they do that tracking thing) and they say that it's in dallas.. good, right? so it should be here pretty soon, no? ok... keep imagining, now it's a week later, and the package was 30 miles away a week ago, but it's not there yet. that's about how i feel. yeah. about.

my gov prof made an allusion to A Beautiful Mind in class today, and now i really want to watch that movie. maybe i'll rent it tonight. [hrmm]
and, speaking of movies and such, my sister got the first two seasons of House on dvd. yeah. so we can all guess how Bekah's free time will be spent in the immediate future, right? hehehe

rawr. i could go on spewing about trivial things for awhile i suppose, but this post is substantial enough and i don't feel like being pointless. so yeah. i'm gonna go call somebody special :)

<3

judgement

i started writing today, and kept writing for some time...

passion unbridled is a downfall untold
though gravity seems weaker when you stop climbing
the fight can't be won when you stop fighting
if you don't play your hand,
like it or not you fold.

I'd rather have real problems
than ones of my own making
I'd rather be a martyr
than a masochist
still, with all that God has given me
I fabricate a mess to make
and shamefully i try to clean it up

somewhere deep inside my spirit sees
the prince of lies, he laughs at me
in hindsight i'm sure I saw it all
I let him set me up to fall
he came to take and instead I freely gave

Now all too late my blind eyes see
the prince of thieves, he laughs at me
how easy it is to let my guard down.
when all this time instead of sleep
behind my eyes was forming schemes
and nothing I would ever want to have found

easy come, easy go
perfection is a lofty goal
and worse when you give up on reaching for it
'cause easy come and easy go
is like the tide pull to and fro
it's worse when you've no anchor against the current

endless are these lamentations
guilt and regret, they scream damnations
unworthy now of everything I love
yet somewhere still a quiet voice
tells me gently through the noise
worthy is something that I never was

not when God made me in His own image
nor when Christ died to spare my life
and set me free from all damnation
and gave me too a purpose to live
in every little thing I've been given,
where was the time that I ever deserved?

but still my broken heart needs help
I threw it against the wall myself
and hurt thereby much more than only me.
I want to make this up to you
to somehow my devotion prove
to somewhere in me some redemption see

But how can I, when just this day
I've thrown another chance away
I threw it with my heart against the wall
they broke, and though I knew full well
I somehow couldn't stop myself
I let the beast out of it's fragile cage.

My God, my God, what's there to say?
cannot You take this pain away?
what's there or me but to abase myself at Your feet?
for though that seems so hard to bear
it's worse for me to linger here
every thing's wrong when I'm not by Your side.

there are things that I can do without
hopes and dreams, and rights and fears and doubts
take away my freedom, and my life.
when all is said and done, the truth
is all I really need is You
as long as we're together, everything else will be okay.
it'll be okay.

After all this time
You've never given up on me
and I've come to realize You never will
in my heart love whispers,
neither will he,
imperfections be as they will
life goes on, and God is God still.

<3

from years ago...

my mom found this school worksheet i did when i was six or seven and showed it to me... its pretty funny. It's one of those "about me" things that little kids do in elementary school. so i have couple pictures on there of me when i was like five or six or seven, and a family portrait from when i was three. the pictures are adorable. ok so here's what i wrote on the worksheet (caps are printed on the worksheet, quotations are what i wrote)

I AM SPECIAL
HI! MY NAME IS "Rebekah Michaele Melillo"
I LIKE ME BECAUSE "I'm tuff. and most people like me a lot."
MY FAVORITE...
BOOK "precious moments"
MOVIE "Aladin and the king of theves"
TV SHOW "super book"
FOOD "sweet potato"
COLOR "purple"
SEASON "Fall"

HOW I WOULD MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE:
( i drew a recycling sign) "recycle and feed the poor."
MY HOBBIES
(i drew a picture of a bicycle) "jumproping"
ONE WISH
"to have a Dudley dog." (dudley was thedog we had when i was like 2)

wild, huh? i was a clever 6-year-old :p

think twice.

so today is the Pro-LIFE day of Silent Solidarity. meaning basically, a bunch of people across the country are "giving up their voice for a day for those who don't have one," in an anti-abortion stand.
I'm silent today. and usually, i would take that as far as to not communicate at all to the greatest possible extent (meaning no blogging) but i was thinking about it and decided to blog while my mind is on the subject.
so since i have no red duct tape on which to write LIFE and place over my mouth for the day, i settled for making a shirt to showing what i'm silent for. On the front it says "As a former fetus, I oppose abortion." and on the back it says, "..because a person's a person, no matter how small. Pro-LIFE day of Silent Solidarity 2008." it's handy for explaining to people without talking why i'm not talking.

so, anyway, as i was in the bathroom earlier today, consciously not talking or singing (which is excessively uncommon for me), i started thinking. Not having a voice means so much more than not being able to communicate. Even on an interpersonal level, it means never being able to bless someone with your words or with a song. It means never being able to speak for yourself, and you're that much more easily ignored. Proverbially, it's being unable to make a difference; it's crippling. but even so much more than that... on a personal level. You can't sing along to your favorite song. you can't pray aloud, or voice your thoughts to God. Honestly i think not being able to sing is the biggest thing, way bigger than not being able to talk to anyone. that's relatively easy, unless you're focused on something else and let a word slip without thinking (i've done that a couple of times today). but having a song in your head that you want to just sing, but you can't because you're silent. and i'm choosing to be silent. what about the millions of babies that have been aborted, and no one on this earth will ever hear their song? that's huge.

yeah, maybe what i'm doing is "cute". maybe my t-shirt is witty. maybe some jokes using "pro-choice" advocates as the punch line are funny, but the issue is not. it's not cute, it's not funny, it's not passive, and it's not minor. I've heard people criticized because they base their voting solely on the issue of abortion... because it's "just one issue". well so is tax rates, and business reform. but it's not ridiculous to base your voting on one issue when the issue's your money, is it? no, it's only ridiculous when the issue is someone else's life.

so i guess to me even more than the concept of giving up my voice for the innocent children who dont get one, the lesson in this is think before you speak. think twice.

<3

The Black-and-White Ball

Planning is now underway! I'm so excited.... it'll be my first big birthday party really, since I didn't have a sweet sixteen.... and fitting too, I think, since I'll be turning 18 this year. I'm so excited!!!

ok, so here's the invitation. bring a friend!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Summer Song

beautiful.


Spread the blanket on top, and I’ll turn off the lights
And we’ll gaze at the stars
With you by my side, the moon set to the right
It’s incomparable so far

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Two years ago, I had no idea that you were so perfect
As we wait so long, until we join hands
You make the wait worth it

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Now years down the road
Still hasn’t gotten old to sit and laugh the day away
There’s one thing you should know
My love for you grows even more every day

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling in love

And the day that I finally can take you home
There’s no way that I’m ever, ever letting go
We’ll be ok, though miles may separate
There’s no space between our hearts
And this day, I choose to keep loving you
As if it were a choice, I can’t stop falling…

I haven’t stopped falling in love

Spread the blanket on top, and I’ll turn off the lights..

(Summer Song, by Wavorly)



perfect.

So this is the story...

i'm driving to school, right
i'm actually a tad ahead of schedule for once, and i'm pretty psyched about actually getting to my 10 am class on time for a change. so i'm cruising along, thinking about important things, like God, and my favorite people, nd my less favorite people, and my plans to move out next year, and work today, and my plans for the weekend....
so theres nobody in the lane ahead of me and everyone in the lane to the right of me is going about 5 mph slower than me.... odd... i realize only too late that on the other side of that lane is a cop standing around havin' a gay ol' time pulling people over. and of course he points at me and motions for me to pull over. great
so i pull over and he takes his happy time following me over to where i pulled over. liscense and insurance... blah dee blah dee blah.
do you know what the speed limit is?
- i think its 45
its 40. do you know how fast you were going?
- probably closer to 55
exactly 55. do you have an emergency?
- no, just school
are you late for class?
- not as of right now... at least i WASN'T...
please remain in the vehicle, i'll be right back
...
.....
.......
at this point i'm still holding out some remote hope for a warning, but not too much. i was after all doing 55 in a 40. so yeah, i got a ticket. not the end of the world, right? so i kinda decided to keep that frame of mind and be optimistic about it... no super-big deal, i'll survive, there's a first (and a last) time for everything... etc.
but then i told my mom, and she got scared, and said, "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!" I begged and pleaded with her day after day. But she packed my suite case and send me on my way. She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'. First class, yo this is bad Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright. But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think sow I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air.`Well, the plane landed and when I came out`There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out`I ain't trying to get arrested`I just got here I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared. I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'.. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later', I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

michael w smith

so, i'm not sure if i've ever mentioned this before, but..
i freaking love michael w smith's music
his lyrics are amazing. and i could do without the 90's synthesizer thing he's got going on in alot of his stuff, but his compositions are brilliant. beautiful

so i put michael w smith on my list of top 5 artists of all time.

where did this come from, you ask? well, actually, i've just spent at least 30 minutes looking through an archive of his lyrics for a song that has the line "there's a saying, your home is where your heart is. my heart believes it's true."
....didnt find it. i coulda sworn that was michael w smith though. :/
hrmm. well if anybody has any ideas about that one, be sure to let me know!

hopefully i'll be learning some mws pieces on guitar in the near future. i'm sure i'll report on that if/when that happens :D

g'night all

<3

oh hey, p.s.
this is michael w smith's newest music video.... its pretty darn good... i cried >.<

briefly

i'm uber tired so this probably wont be a long post. i wanted to post SOMETHING though, jsut because i havent in awhile

i've been busy... work, school, homework, God, family, collin, life.... not necessarily in that order.
i decided i'm tired of school. or at least collin county. its a little bit lame. and by lame i mean boring. and lame. yeah. almost half-way through the semester...... oi.

lots of frustration about stuff lately. cant really expound cuz it would take me awhile to get those thoughts in order and i really am intending to be in bed within the next five minutes. the point pretty much being, God and i have some straightening out to do.

work is fun. i love my job. :D

pizza hut's stuffed crust pizza is good. the patriots are not having a good season. the cowboys played awfully and barely beat cincinatti today.
i learned a couple of new songs on beth. "Strong Enough" by stacie orrico and "Take My Life" by third day among them. i freakin love that song. its alot easier than i thought it might be too

and now i'm tired. i havent really been getting adequate sleep lately, and partially due to that my immune system has been struggling a bit today. so it's early unconsciousness for me

i promise to write something more relevant next time

<3

the first of the coffeehouse wisdom

so i've anted to have awesome barista stories to tell, or at least you know, coffeehouse inspiriations. and now i do ^_^
lol tammy (boss) says that she feels like being a barista is like being a bartender... people just talk to you, cuz you're there and theyre there and you just talk. you know how it is. bartenders here everyone's stories... well barsitas do too. lol

anyway, so here's a lttle something about michelle, my other boss. actually she's the owners wife. super sweet lady. i love the poo out of her. anyway. so she has this thing, where she loves to make people who are like "i just drink coffee" try new things... especially lattes. and so far 99% of them have absolutely loved whatever creation she made them try. its so crazy... the thing that i've spent hours thinking about how to solve and she just does it because its who she is. (stick with me here, we're gonna get a little broad-spectrum). so these people have been doing the same thing, the same way, at the same time, drinking the same coffee all their lives. and they never think to try anything new because things are the way they are and they always have been. and alot of times they totally freak out at the thought of trying something new. some of these men it's like pulling teeth to get them to try a latte instead of just loading up their coffee with cream and sugar. but omg, gotta love michelle, she's totally inescapable when she decides she wants to make you a new drink. and if you dont like it, fine, but she'll go a mile out of her way to make you this free drink so you'll try it even when you dont want to because theres a chance you'll end up loving it. and a pretty good chance at that. this realization stuck me rather profoundly this morning and i promptly elevated michelle to superhero status.

the other thing some may agree with and obviously some may not. i'll delve anyway. so a pastor from michelles church came in today and bought a latte and paid with credit. idk if he was liek THE pastor, or worship pastor, or youth pastor, or whatever whatever. i think youth pastor. anyway. so he was saying we needed more bills in the tip jar to encourage people to tip, and he made a comment to the point that he would drop one in but all he had on him was his card, and michelle goes "no no, you're a pastor! you need to conserve." and proceeded to make reference to where in the Bible it says that we should serve those who serve God or whatever. i dont remember wording. i do remember thinking "what the crap? since when does that mean that pastors shouldnt be generous?? they're supposed to be examples right?? and doesnt the bible also say that when you give it will be given unto you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men pour unto your bossom? and that with the same measure you give you will receive? so why shouldnt he be sowing seed and blessing people?" i mean its not about my tips its about this totally unfounded idea that pastors should be frugal. it doesnt make any sense. so people, stop encouraging your pastors to consider themselves poor. and stop making your own judgements aout a pastor's budget. and for God's sake get rid of the idea that God's servants are poor. that's never been the case and never will be. and yes we should serve them and we should bless them at every opportunity. but we should not EVER presume to take that opportunity away from them as well. *definitive nod*

<3

boy oh boy!

hmm, lots to report since last i blogged...

ok school:
is boring. had my first midterms in Logic and Physics... pretty sure did well on both... also pretty sure i botched my explanation of Pythagorus' tuning theories... oh well. Lighting is not nearly as exciting as i'd hoped it would be. the teacher has very little enthusiasm when she teaches so everything just kindof comes out flat... no biggie i guess i mean i've survived worse teachers. it's hard to learn anything though because half the people in the class already know everything we're supposed to be learning so the prof just kindof goes off of what they know and uses terms that we havent covered and tends to assume that she doesnt need to go over some stuff because they, being theatre people (even if they are tech) seem to have this inherent compulsion to show off and one-up any person they see. anyway. it's obnoxious. i need to find a way to actually learn stuff in that class or else...

work:
i got a job! i now work at Roots Coffee Co. which just opened in RC. it's a cute little shop. the owners are great they pretty much treat everybody like family. lol. so yeah. love being a barista, pays decently, love the people i work with... and i get free coffee. who can complain? thanks to everyone who's been praying for me and my employment status. God has definitely come through in His usual manner of blowing my socks off ^_^

family:
welllll my parents just got back from colorado. i kindof liked having the house to myself (well, me and sarah) for a week, but i like having them around, too. they're good company. sarah turned 19 on sunday, and we went out to carinos for dinner and then took her shopping. i got her disney radio cds and a new notebook. lol. i'm not sure her disney channel fetish is entirely healthy for a 19-year-old, but hey, whateva. sean (my bro) turns 26 on the 26th, the same day that he's getting MARRIED. so yeah, i'll be going to tulsa for that event this weekend. yay. i dont have a clue what to wear to the wedding though.... and my grandparents are going to arrive today, they'll be staying with us until sometime next week... so woo.

guitar:
i got a guitar!!! i may have mentioned before that metzler had an old guitar that he was gonna give me... so he had his mom ship it down from michigan and then yesterday he brought it up to the coffee shop... :D
i named it Beth. :D
i pretty much love it. it's a yamaha, not persay the highest quality guitar one could find, but not the worst either :) it will do quite nicely for my first guitar.

funny story:
ok, so last weekend we had plans for me to go down to new braunfels with collin and his parents. they have a timeshare down there and collin had tickets to schlitterbahn. welllll, due to hurricane ike, the san antonio area was gonna be packed with evacuees, high gas prices, and bad weather, and schlitterbahn was gonna be closed anyway. so we didn't go. but they still wanted to do something special in the way of salvaging our weekend, so we went out to dinner friday night. we were gonna go fondue, but ended up at Shogun's. it was good . so apart from me leaving my purse at coldstone in denton, the exciting part is yet to come. so we're on our way back to garland, from thence i was to travel home, yes? we had stopped by collin's dorm and got his stuff for the weekend cuz he was gonna spend the night at home. aaanyway. so we're in the car, talking about i dont remember what and his mom said "well you're welcome to stay the night bekah.. i mean you would have stayed with us if we'd gone to the timeshare so i mean we can still make a weekend thing out of it if you want to stay..." .....
....
...
....
wtc? umm ok? maybe it's just me, but arent guy-girl sleepovers kindof taboo in the pro-chastity circle? i mean.... i've always gotten that impression. i mean its not like we'd do anything naughty or anything but still... that totally caught me by surprise. so i was... ok.... umm, thats a little weird... i'll think about it..... ??
so anyway cass was coming to our house that night to ride out the storm (which turned out to be lame) so she was texting me to see when i'd be home and i texted back i might be staying at the bragdon's tonight. and she didnt say anyhting! she was just like, "well i-30's shut down at bass pro" ..... WEIRD. so THEN my dad had called to answer my question on when they were getting in from colorado, and i told him theyd invited me to stay the night and his concern was that he wanted me to be home when the hurricane hit but i told him it wasnt supposed to hit until the next night so he was like "ok, well i guess thatll be okay. have fun"
WHAT?? at this point collin and i decided that either the whole world had gone insane or we'd just crossed over into a parallel universe or something. definitely making a bigger deal than it was, but put yourself in my shoes. thats the last thing i ever expected! so i stayed in his sisters room and wore his sisters clothes and his parents came in at like 11 and were like "were going to bed... do whatever you want... you can play the drums if you want to" (the drums are a big no-no late at night at the bragdon house) ...more weird. so we sat in his living room all night and talked about all sorts of random things. he was like "this is weird. its 4 oclock and you're still here." and i was like "yeah... its liek a sleepover... but with collin" lol. so he asked what sorts of things we do at girl sleepovers and we proceeded to do said things, excluding nail-painting. anyway. yeah. i dont know why all of the sudden the world doesnt think it's a big deal to stay the night at your significant other's house at the request of their [and your] parents for no real reason... idk. nobody tell pastor chris though he might freak out :p

ok i'm done now
enjoy, leave me comments, etc. etc.

<3

my other grandpappies

so i'm just chillin at school in-between classes... i'll be doing homework in a bit, but to prolong my procrastination i thought i'd do a little blogging

i would love to share the aforementioned (in the previous post) set of lyrics i'm working on... i rather like them... but as of yet i've only got a first verse and prechorus. soooo i'm gonna use a verse of the day that's not from me. two actually, from two of my favorite people :)
i guess most people don't listen to/watch teachings in their free time, but that's their loss i guess. i like to, to strengthen my beliefs, open my eyes to things that i didn't see myself, and they always send me back to the Word, a) to see for myself, test and approve God's good and perfect will, and b) to dig in deeper myself on a given subject. it's awesome to be able to learn from other people's expreience and relationship with God and use that to my advantage and build on it in my own life, rather than reinvent the wheel, so to speak. that's how we get a growing generation :D
ANYWAY. that was an unintended tangent. on to a couple of quotes from two of my favorite teacher/preachers. these men are like my spiritual grandfathers that i've never met. lol. jon laughed at me when i told him that but they really are. i've learned so much from them and have developed a trust in the things that they speak (that is not to say that i don't always test their word against the bible anyway) that they've become like spiritual mentors.. grandfathers.. to me. a little blurb about my spiritual mentors.. there's cassie, my spiritual and biological big sister. there's pastor chris and lisa... pastor chris is really more like the big brother who's like a father than an actual father but just the same i tend to acknowledge him as my spiritual father, and lisa likewise only on the female side. lol. and then theres kenneth and gloria copeland, my oblivious grandparents, and jesse duplantis my hilarious and wise at the same time good time of an other oblivious granddaddy.
ok. heres the quotes [finally]

"Christianity is not a religion. There's been all kinds of religions made from it, but Christianity is God and His family. It is reality." -Kenneth Copeland

i've heard it said so many times, "Christianity is not a religion, blah blah blah.." which i do agree with. this is the best way i've heard it put into words. he was saying something about religion just before he said this that contrasted with God and Christianity, which brought on the revelation that this quote explains. it's not something you do, it's the way things are. something you belong to. you don't have to be your father's son; you are father and son. you are family. ya know?

"I know God's got my back, and I've got His." -Jesse Duplantis

maybe this doesn't mean as much out of context. i just thought it was a good illustration of the two-way relationship that jesse has with God. they're tight, and it's not a one-way thing like so many Christians make it out to be, including myself sometimes. i treat God like He's so far away and doesn't need me for anything. which is true in a sense but i'm not interested in getting into semantics here.. the point is that i've got a part to play too. it's not a two-may mirror where God can see both sides and i can only see me.. it's supposed to be more like a window. ...maybe i just used that analogy because i watched a movie this afternoon and one of the scenes involved a two-way mirror in a dance studio... idk. it was a really cool scene. but the point remains. I trust God to take care of me, and He trusts me to be His ambassador. i wouldnt just stand by and laugh if someone talked crap about my best friend, and the same thing goes for my God. yeah.

class time...

<3

mini-post

i'm posting in this few spare minutes mostly just to remind myself that i still have a blog that i'm supposed to make some semblance of updating regularly.

i finished the twilight series since i last posted. it's actually quite goo, truth be told. i'm definitely not one of those squealing, die-hard, i-love-edward-cullen, obsessed teenage girl fans or anything, but it's a good series. and i do like edward. (yes i'm team edward. if anyone actually has a good argument for team jacob i'd like to hear it. lol)

in other news, i'm getting a guitar in the near future. a super-amazing friend of mine had an "extra" one that he never plays hangin around his parents house in michigan so he asked her to send it down and he's gonna give it to me!! awesome, no? (i <3 metzler) so yeah i'll get to be actually practicing and hopefully working a little more seriously on guitar. who knows, maybe i'll even learn to put some music to my lyrics :D

speaking of lyrics, i'm working on a new set right now, inspired by my logic/philosophy professor. my respect for philosophers diminishes with time... i do like aristotle though. he's the best so far.

thats all i have time for! i have to meet my physics "group" to do some hw before my next class....

still looking for a job, btw. please pray for the right job in the right place at the right time for me :D

<3

i really oughtta

so right now what i really should be doing is driving around rockwall submitting various job applications. or filling them out, at the very least. i know it's no excuse, but.. i just really dont feel like jumping on that right at this very moment. so i'll waste a little time on my blog, and then i'll go do it anyway -_-

school is meh. it's more tiring than i remember it being. i think maybe the whole commuting situation contributes to that. i have however decided that maybe one or two of my professors might obtain my good opinion... the rest of them really arent showing much promise. the philosopher thinks he's amazing and spouts nonsense constantly. the Indian speaks decent english but doesnt always know what she's talking about in the physics department. my lab teacher is cool. total nerd. the lighting designer has alot on her plate, so i'm reserving judgement. i'm inclined to like her though :)
mr government tries to be controversial and bland all at the same time.. and somehow he almost succeeds :/ and last but not least, the editor.. my english teacher... miss happy-go-lucky i have nothing valuable to say that you havent heard before the 10th grade.
bleh. i'll be thankful when my basics are done.
and with that, i promise not to complain about school anymore. i might rant about something stupid mr philosopher said but i'll not complain about school anymore. it's lame. but i already typed it all out so i'm not gonna erase it this time :p

on a more serious and less disappointing note, here's some new lyrics. they go with an amazing piece of music and they make alot more sense sung than written, but here they are anyway. they might make an interesting piece of prose.

The Resurrection

It is finished
the last drop of blood hits the bleeding ground
My God, My God
this world of stain has spent all my heart

the battle is born
conviction still is strong
but evil fights hard
and they need you now

Lightning splits the darkened sky
my body is torn, like the shroud of old
this world I love has hope, and I
I am broken

earthquakes and thunder rolls
power untold
hold onto what you know
I will live

the rising sun
the stoneless grave
see the light
hear the angels say
Jesus our Lord,
He is risen!

Dearest faithless, I am faithful
breathe my breath, touch my scars
love has beaten fear now powerless
the curse is gone; New life starts



and after all
all He wanted was you
the promise holds
God didn't leave you alone.

<3

the weekend

i love this weather
its cool (finally), and windy... it rains now and then....
it feels like fall. i love it :D

so last weekend was labor day weekend, which meant no school monday, which is always good.
cass and billy came into town for the weekend, so we hung out with them... my cousin josh, who is a stage manager also was in town with a friend of his, so they came over on saturday for the afternoon... good times. oh, and just for all of you who think that being an artist dooms you to forever be poor, josh just bought a 2008 saturn sky not long ago. (poor people don't buy those)
collin was in town for the weekend too, so we got to hang out quite a bit. it's always good to see him :D
sunday i went to the deep, finally.. its been several weeks since i've been able to go, due to various reasons, but this sunday i went with cass and collin, and tim meister spoke, and it was good. yup.

theres more interesting stuff for me to tell you but i dont feel like writing anymore so.... more later. yeah.

<3

needs a bit more editing?

i think i might trim/rearrange/tweek these lyrics a bit more before i'm finished with them, but let me know what you think
i was listening to a song on the radio the other day, and the words were quite brilliant... the music was good too, but there was a lack of conviction in the performance that bothered me. like it was something that was huge to the guy at one point in time, but it had gotten dull, or maybe just lost some of the fervor, or the impact that it had when he wrote it out of that revelation. and i can't tell you how many times that happens with a song you sing over and over, or how hard it is to remember the hundredth time what it meant the first time. so i wrote a song about it. the jury's still out on this one though, so let me know what you think.

It was one of those times when I
was feeling so inspired
One of those times when I
was falling in love
One of those times when I
was lost in your eyes
and I swore
that I'd never let it go
Tell me when did my promise
become a memory
And why does my song feel like
just words I have to sing
when once upon a time
this dance was more than steps for my feet...

It was one of those times when
the world was on fire
and cities blazed to celebrate life
but somewhere in between
the passion and the recreation
I thought it was somehow about me
and i stopped hearing the dream
So tell me when did this moment
become just a minute
and when did these hearts become
a crowd for me to please
when once upon a time,
your voice and mine was all I'd ever need
(until I stopped hearing the dream)

I never want to stop feeling
Never want to stop meaning
Going through the motions
was never enough for me
I never want to act like I believe
(repeat)

I don't want to talk about you
forget about talking to you
I don't want to pretend to be real
I won't talk of when you found me
and forget about when I found you
I won't let go of what you do

yeah..... actually, i'm a little unsure about the melody on this one. i really like the way i hear it in my head, but at the same time, ihave to admit i had "This Is Me" from Disney's Camp Rock in my head a good portion of the time i was writing it sooooo... idk. i'm not sure i trust that :p

but yeah
i would love feedback, if you would deign to give it

<3

a bit overdue

ok
so it's halfway through the first week of classes, and i havent written anything about it yet. i guess i oughta... lol

so i'm taking intro to logic... which is basically philosophy. ugh. i wish it were straight logic but you dont get straight anything with philosophers. they think they're God's replacement. ...nuff said about that one.. i don't want to get started
next up: Physics. algebra-based, which is def good for me. i dont do that calculous nonsense. my physics prof is indian, and she's got a pretty thick accent. ironically enough though, she put us in groups of 4. two of the people in my group are brother and sister, and theyre half indian half british. the other guy is full indian but also hold dual citizenship in england. what are the odds? theyr'e really cool though, they make the class bearable.
Physics lab is nothing to write home about. hopefully the last lab i have to endure though. i'm in the same group for the lab.. good times
then i have into to lighting. definitely the class i'm most interested in this semester, and i think it might also prove to be the hardest. lol. well we'll see. theatre (more irony) doesn't come as easily to me as everything else. but i can't wait. gonna learn how to make magic ;)
the other classes are government and english. well, composition actually. bleh. nothing to write home about there. my govt prof is probably just as opinionated as the afore-mentioned philosopher. i'll survive.

welllll...
i had in mind to write more, but i'm kindof tired now... i think i'm gonna go finish up some lyrics. goodnight all

p.s.
i can't wait until i have a mac and can start making music videos. i wrote another one today ^_^

and the search continues

*sigh*
so we (my parents and i) have been looking for a car for me most of the weekend. We've come across a few prospective possibilities but nothing that really hits the spot. please be praying that we find the right one soon! the sooner i have a means of transportation of my own, the easier life will be for everyone :)
i already have a name for it and everything.... just gotta find the car.

in other news, i put my posters and such up on the walls in my room today. i had kept them in a box in the attic all summer because i expected to be moving out again this month. but since i'm gonna be here for a little while now i might as well decorate. so i've got a few posters... one with all the names of Christ, a Disciple poster, one from a play i did awhile back, poster of capt. jack sparrow... a few elvis pictures, some pics of me and my friends/family, pages from this prayer manual that i had when i was leading the prayer ministry at paradigm.. a few happy bunny posters, and of course my dry-erase board and my elvis calendar ^_^
i feel a little more at home now :p

i didn't go to the night of worship at lakeshore tonight.... now i kindof wish i had. man, i'm hungry for some serious worshipping. i've got alot weighing on my mind and beneath it all, all i really want to do is have some good time with the Lord. not that i can't do that in my own bedroom with just me and Jesus.... in fact i think that's what i'm about to go do. still, i think perhaps i ought to have gone tonight. hummm :/

well. school starts tomorrow. i'm totally caught off-guard this time, lol. it doesnt feel like i should be going back to school just now and i pretty much dont feel ready for it. been awhile since i had these particular feelings.. :p
goodnight all (all being like probably two that actually read this. lol) no verse today.. go read the Word and get one for yourself. have a brilliant night!

<3

patient heartbreak

wrote this song a couple months ago now. cant wait to record it ^_^

it's called Patient Heartbreak:

Chin up little girl
let those tears fall proudly
testify against those lies
you won't let yourself believe
dont take it personal
he never says what he means
hold onto the love underlying
we'll all get over it soon

just one more little outburst
one more piece of anger taken out on you
just one more broken teardrop
shattered consolation says there's nothing new

chin up little girl
dont let them make you feel small
you dont have to stand up and man up
just to meet their unspoken challenge
we wont take it personal
we know they don't say what they mean
so we hold onto love undying
close our eyes and forget the world

just one more little outburst
one more piece of anger taken out on you
just one more broken teardrop
shattered consolation says theres nothing new

fold your hands and wait
a better day, a better life is just moments away
hold your breath and wait
healing for a broken heart is just a prayer away

one more little outburst
one cry to reach heavenly ears
one more broken teardrop
caught by a love that softens and heals
(heals my heart)

fold your hands and wait
a better day, a better life is just moments away
hold your breath and wait
healing for a broken heart is just a prayer away

...
so the concept is a little barlow girl-esque... idk. it came from something that's been really big in my life though, so maybe that why i like this one so much. that and the awesome music it goes with that collin wrote :p
so yeah. hopefully many more completed works to come



<3

Another Lesson from the Father

(this pic of pc and me was taken over a year ago, just after i graduated high school)
So i went to paradigm last night, to hear pastor chris speak. man....
worship was so amazing.. it was so sweet and the presence of God was all over...
ever since the SW believers convention, it's like i've been at least 5x more sensitive to the spirit of God. i hear His voice more clearly, i follow His leading more easily, and i've felt His presence more literally than ever. like a thickness in the air, or just.. idk i cant think of any better word than just presence, all over me. i love it. it's a closeness and a fellowship that i've never had before... and it's also been so challenging and so so humbling.
now, i mention the sw believers convention.. i'm not trying to pump up the conference or anything like that. it was definitely a powerful experience and God moved and worked big time at this conference, but it wasnt about the conference itself. it could have been any other gathering of strong believers annointed to teach and receive and willing to be obedient to the Lord. no, it wasnt the convention itself, and i definitely want to reiterate that. there will be no idolizing of people or events. but that was the time and the place where God did a huge work in me, and empowered me, and basically changed my life forever. wooo!

so last night, pastor chris was talking about submiting, about saying yes to God. i think his message was more broadly aimed at those who werent submiting to God's call on their life, or werent doing what they knew they should be doing. Praise the Lord i've made the commitment to follow God with everything i've got and ill never look back so i'm not really in either of those categories. as he was giving the alter call though, i was praying God, if there's anything in my life that i havent submitted to you, please show me. and you know what He showed me? the several times in the past several days that He's nudged me to go spend some extra time in the Word. and most of these times i shrugged it off like a chore that i didnt want to do with a "i'll get to it later" because i didnt feel like it just at that moment (even though truthfully, i had nothing better to do). and so i recognized that that was not submitting, so i repented. as soon as i repented, God said "you know, i don't ask you to do things just to assign you extra chores. I want you in the Word so the I can speak to you." i was like, "oh. ok... that makes sense." lol
i kinda felt a bit like a little kid.. but hey isn't that the point? lol.

today's verse is actually a quote

"Never get too used to God. When we get used to God we start to put Him in a box"
-Pastor Chris Frith
(i hope that's a direct quote... if it's not it's at least the right idea. yeah)

<3

Superchick

If I Get Up

i'm not afraid to fall
it means i climbed up high
to fall is not to fail you fail when you don't try
i'm not afraid to fall
i might just learn to flyand i will spread these wings of mine

if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up come on
if i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up come on
if i get up i might fall back down again
and i might fall back down again
and we'll just jump and see
even if its the 20th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

i'm not afraid to fall and here i told you so
don't want to rock the boat
but i just had to know
just a greener side
or can i touch the sky
but either way i will try

if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up come on
if i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up come on
if i get up i might fall back down again
and i might fall back down

i'm not afraid to fall
i've fallen many times
they laughed when i fell down
but i have dared to climb
i'm not afraid to fall
i know i'll fall againbut i can win this in the end

and we'll just jump and see
even if its the 40th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

<3

Say the Words

by DC Talk:

Solomon once wrote:
Better is open rebuke, than hidden love
So say the words...

Silence is golden but these are the words
That the world needs to hear
[brothers and sisters]
Terms of compassion will cause a reaction
As love drives them near
But still we choose to hide behind the face of pride
Pretending we are blind to the calling
This is my point and case, if hate can be erased
With such a simple phrase, why are we stalling?

(chorus)
Say the words, say the words, say I love you
Say the words I long to hear
Say the words, say the words, say I love you
Say the words I long to hear

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it, say it
Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it

Some just assume we already know
Of the love that they feel
[brothers and sisters]
Some have a heartfelt emotion
But never the words to reveal
I think we all relate, so why are we afraid
To let our hearts convey what were feeling?
There is a world in need with hungry souls to feed
And love can intercede if were willing, so...

(repeat chorus)

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it, say it
Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it

[check this out]
The word love, well it was once overused
Back in the 70s the word was abused
But I refuse to let love be diluted
We cant allow physical lust to intrude it
Or pollute it cause there aint no excuse
For the greatest gift of all to be abused
So choose to lose the pride that may tug at you
Dont be afraid of the words I love you

<3

2 Corinthians 5

You make all things good
God of Wonder,
You turn my weakness into masterpiece
And I wonder
At the greatness of Your love for me
God of Wonder, what do You see in me?

I am Your delight
And You are my King
God of Wonder You make everything new
You make everything new
I lay myself down,
Knowing that I am Yours,
Dying to live every day just for You
You make everything new.

yours truly,

<3

jesse duplantis

omgoodness
he's one of my favorites ^_^

so i was just watching him for a couple of hours... so i have all of these lovely quotes i feel compelled to share... some are funny, some profound, some compelling.. some maybe more than one of those things. so yeah. woo.

"I can sound smart, but I prefer to sound Cajun" - JD

"Some people call me the apostle of joy... well I tried sad, I didn't like it" - JD

"Beware of people that love preeminence" - JD

"It's not what you eat [of the Word] that counts, it's what you digest." - JD

"If you don't see the end of it, don't start it" - JD

"Miracles, God works for you. Blessing, God works with you. ... He didn't give Adam a miracle, He gave him a blessing. ... If you're living in the Blessing, then you can make miracles for other people" - JD

"Without seed, you don't have a future. Your security is your seed." - JD

"Don't tell God what you have. He already knows what you have. Tell Him what you want." - JD

"You must be superior to power, not driven by it" - JD

"Believe the unbelievable, and receive the impossible." - JD


och, good stuff. theres so much more that i couldn't just put on my blog because theres context that has to go with it and by the time i try to explain it all you'd be better off just buying the cd. fo sho. West Coast Believers Convention 2008. do it.

and, since those are quotations and not strictly "verse", in keeping with my verse of the day thingy, i'll leave you with some actual verse.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.
Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Sonnet 116, Shakespeare
this sonnet deserves its own post i suppose.. and more than likely sometime it will get its own post. maybe even tomorrow. lol. and maybe it kindof clashes with this post... but oh well. it's my verse for today.

<3

stale

ugh
i need something to do
i've been in this house for far too long
i need to get out, go somewhere, do something, ...SOMETHING. ya know?
i feel like i'm waiting for my life to start again, like i'm in limbo or something. bleh. who ever said summer was fun anyway?
ok, maybe that's a bit much. summer is fun i guess. but it would be more fun if i had something to DO

but hey on the positive, i'm doing some work for my dad tomorrow and doing some work in FW next week. yay.

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food for thought

one of the most brilliant writer/orators since Paul said this:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

..that's C.S. Lewis, by the way.

<3

verse of the day comes from the movie August Rush. Good movie, despite what the critics say. anyway. i dont know the title of the song actually, but in the movie its where the main character goes into a church and sees/hears the church choir rehearsing. btw, that little girl is mad crazy!

gonna break down these walls, gonna give my all, yeah

(hang in there with me)
sometimes it take a different kind of love to raise a child
(so dont give up) so dont give up
(when pressures come down)
sometimes it takes a different kind of dream to make you smile
(so raise it up) raise it up
(hang in there with me)
sometimes it takes another's helping hand to show you the way
(so dont give up, when pressures comes down)
sometimes it seems impossible, that's why we pray
(so raise it up)

<3

the call

yarr
today was quite awesome.
yay for family, and loved ones, and the like. super yay for a God who takes care of me way beyond what i could ever ask for. =D

today's verse is from The Call, by Regina Spektor. it's on the Narnia Prince Caspian soundtrack.

just because everything's changing
doesnt mean it's never been this way before

beautiful song. that line catches my attention

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establishment

sooo
i hink i'm gonna start doing this thing
it's definitely been done before
not exactly an original idea, BUT
i still think its worth doing ^_^

so every time i make an entry, i'll try to include a verse of the day. verse being a scripture verse, or song lyrics, or a good quote, or some brilliant piece of shakespeare, or whatever i decide warrants being the verse of the day ^_^

in other news, i think i decided that i would like to sing for a band and call it Lullaby. mmhmm.

so today's verse belongs to one C. G. Bragdon. no title as of yet

Youre so good
You brought me from my worthless flesh
Showed me to hold onto nothing less
Than all you can imagine

What I'd give to show them
What their eyes let pass before them
How your heart can change theirs
And show them what they will not realize

Your passion's holding, never
Letting go what I give to you
My worth is shown through how you
Bring out in my what's worth seeing

No appeasing truths, tell me
What keeps my heart pounding
And why your truth is so appealing
And why I cant seem to express to you

<3

peculiar people

"you were born to privelege, and with that comes specific obligation" -Danielle Debabarack (something like that. whatever, shes a fictional character. hence, not going to get mad about me misspelling the last name)

so true, though.
let me back up..
so today i'm studying and notice on my notes on the previous page that i had made a note to look up the word "peculiar" because jonathon had used it in his message last week and that particular word had struck a chord with me. (not just because its a dc talk song either).
so the word peculiar in hebrew is actually the word cegullah.. seg-ool-law. it comes from a word meaning shut up, or closely protected. the word itself means jewel; peculiar, as in a treasure; proper good; special.

in the new testament, peculiar is translated in two instances from two similar greek words. periousios (per-ee-oo-see-os) means being beyond the usual; special; one's own.
peripoiesis (per-ee-poy-ay-sis) means acquisition; preservation.

i'd always heard the phrase "peculiar people" and taken it to mean different, or weird, or strange. like you know, aliens..in the world not of it.. that sort of thing. which has a measure of truth in it. but to be called a peculiar people is alot more than that...
not until after i looked these up did i realize that every instance in the old testament when God calls His people a peculiar people, He's making reference to them being above every other people, being a treasure to Him, valued above the rest of the earth.
Titus 2:14 says that Christ gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
---this peculiar people is one that has nothing wrong with it, one that has been perfected to be God's own, valuable, fiercely protected, and designed to be passionate after God's work.
1 Peter 2:9 says the we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people (NIV says a people belonging to God, that [we] may declare the praises of him who called [us] out of darkness into his wonderful light).
--- Read the chapter before this. 1 Peter chapter 1, after a greeting and encouragement to the believers, is a charge to be ready for action. to live holy as God is holy, because He is holy. It's a wakeup call, a reminder that as born-again Christians, we're part of a bigger picture now, and we can't go on living like we did when we were bling to the vision. We have the gospel of the Holy Spirit now (something that all creation is jealous of!); we have been made a peculiar- and so we need to live and adjust our lives accordingly, ready to play an active part.

To me, it's both humbling and emboldening. We are the treasure of God.. a singular people created and maintained singularly for Him. And with that honor, we have the responsibility to live up to that. dude..... dude.

<3

hot-air balloon

i would really really love to ride in a hot-air balloon. i mean.. i dont really have anything better to do with my afternoon, do i? yeah. i think that sounds like a good plan.

so today's brilliant lyrics belong to flyleaf.
from the song "Cassie (acoustic)"

...
perfect love kills all fear, rejoice in this deliverance!
They didn't love their life so much
as to shrink from death
inspired in their footsteps,
we will march ahead
Don't be shocked that people die;
be surprised you're still alive

<3

message in a bottle

hey you
you know, you do have a choice
i mean, i'm not saying you should or you shouldnt... in fact, i wont venture to make any suggestion either way. its not my place and i dont trust myself to make that call. cuz i mean, one way you look at it i could just be saying that out of selfishness. but then, if i took the other side, i could be just saying that because its the non-selfish thing to say. i dont know whats best for you, so i wont venture to think that i can take a step back and offer a rational answer. eh?
still though, you seem to be going to such lengths to find a reason NOT to take it.
you do have a choice. if its what you need to do then i support you friend. take it! its really up to you to weigh the one against the option... just dont choose one because you feel like you have to. i dont want you to be miserable, ya know? sometimes you gotta grow up and do the responsible thing, and sometimes you dont stand to gain all that much for the sake of being grown-up.
i guess all i'm saying.. what i think you need to hear.. is that either way is ok, and you needn't feel bad or look for justification either way. you're not going to make a bad call.

<3

p.s.
i may or may not still have my fingers crossed

What's next, God?

so i'm back in my parents house for the time being. i need to be working and making as much money as possible this summer, but finding a job is proving to be slightly more difficult here then in west texas.
I know why i came here.... i followed my heart, just like i've been doing... its time to prepare for the next chapter of my life, making decisions for the better in my life-- some things that feel like sacrifice now for the sake of the bigger picture, so to speak. And now, just like before, i know that God has led me here, and He has yet to leave me hanging so i'm certainly not worried. This job hunting business is getting a little annoying though, truth be told.

another thing that's kindof been in development... even though i came home 100% out of obedience and really for my sake, it was also partially for someone else. i mean this wasnt the reason for me coming home at this time or even a deciding factor, but at the same time i knew that part of me moving ahead with my future and preparing for the next part of my life would include moving ahead with and developing a specific relationship that's a really big part of my life. ok, i know how that sounds. in all honesty and non-mushiness though, it's not just some guy... it's the guy. it's kindof hard to explain or talk about without it sounding like a cliche "i think he's the one" some silly high school couple that follows eachother to a college only one of them really likes or somthing like that. trust me, its nothing like that. certainly there are feelings involved. but, from the rational side, it makes sense that God would include in His timing a time to move forward in relationships as well as professional pursuits. i guess i am kindof using the term "moving forward" loosely though. not a whole lot of outward movement has been made... more like just revelation about the relationship and the future as we both seek God. which is exactly the way it shuold be. this past year has been really trying in regards to this relationship, and i thank God constantly that He is so faithful and has helped us to be faithful. it's a good feeling to know you're exactly where you need to be, headed exactly where you need to be going, and having at least a broad view of where you'll end up, or who you'll end up being there with. i'm just ridiculously thankful that i get to share it with my bff. ok. enough of that. returning from bunny trail...

so with all this time i've had lately in-between job applications and whatnot, i guess i've had alot of time to think. that is, when i haven't been hanging out with friends or studying or being lazy etc. etc. the question i've bumped into a few times is, what's up next, God? i know alot of what to expect in the fall, next year, even some options after i graduate. but what about right now? what am i supposed to be doing right now? right now all i have to be doing is kindof biding my time... resting, relaxing a little, studying and building myself up spiritually, and God willing soon i'll be working a job, saving up monye. i guess i can survive doing just that for a couple of months. its only a couple of months, right?
sigh. how many times will i have to learn patience before i actually understand it? one HUGE thing that i've learned over the past year is that God's timing is perfect, and trying to rush or put things off inevitably turns out completely futile. so... yeah. things'll happen when they happen. in the meantime i'll try not to get restless or impatient...but if i do, don't be too terribly surprised. :p

<3

dont say goodbye

i never say goodbye... at least i try not to. as a Christian, i should never have to. as one of my mentors has always said, "it's not goodbye, its just see you later."
even so, i hate farewells. theyre hard. for me anyway.....

so i had thought to be leaving west texas in july... but God had other plans. long story short, it's time to move forward, and the decision had to be made quickly, so i didnt really get to give anybody sufficient notice. in other words, three days ago i told pastor j and deanna that i'd be leaving and today i'm at my parents' house. i'm definitely happy and excited to be moving forward and everything, but like i said, farewells are hard. i'm emotionally drained, and i didnt get to say things like i wanted to. oh well... i'll write a facebook/myspace blog i'm sure

but i'm in the dallas area now, and not quite entirely sure how to go about this next short time in my life. i'll be at UNT in the fall (finished my first year of college with a 4.0! wooo!) with some people that i love dearly, and with the i will be at EMIC. i consider this next season of my life to be training and ministry. i'm going to soak up and learn and dive in all i can at EMIC, and we are going to take UNT by storm. what happens when a college campus encounters passionate followers of Christ, servants of the Living God?? well we'll see. :D
so for the summer... at least for now, i'm getting a little R&R... and a job... making money... seeking the Lord and getting ready for that full-fledged awesomeness. chyeah.
i'll write my facebook/myspace blogs tomorrow i think.

<3

i should have something incredible to write

but all i have is silly dissatisfaction and petty distractions.
i talk such big talk about changing the world, and sometimes i feel like i have nothing to show for it. i have such huge ideas... i'm a dreamer, and proudly so, but then, on nights like tonight, i pray for something more palpable. or maybe i'm just disappointed in myself for not having anything more palpable than i do.
true, in the grand scheme i'm not exactly sitting on my duff. i'm well on my way to my future... but today? what did i accomplish today? little enough, if you ask me. and tomorrow i lock myself in my dorm to finish a paper to please a professor to make the grade to look good on a transcript to please more professors with rubbish i can scarcely bring myself to care about. another day wasted for nonsense.
i spend so much time doing the necessary that its hard to find time for the important.

God, mess up my plans. i make flexibility such a huge principle that even that's structured. it's like trying to plan for the unexpected. que??

*sigh*
what am i supposed to say? i mean, does this even have any merit or is it just writer's melancholy that won't make any difference in truth. truth.... there's another tangent.
but really. am i legitimately frustrated, or do i just need another slap on the hand for the same sidestep i've made too many times? don't read too far into that... i'm pretty sure only God and i actually know whats behind it.

distracted...
someone very close to me asked me not so long ago, "are you distracted or devoted?"
devoted...
good question.
in the Bible, that word devoted denotes a giving or committing that cannot be undone. Charam. there's no questioning or altering, and there's certainly no going back.

so where does that leave me?
there's certainly no going back. i've committed my life to Christ, and i have no intentions of turning to either side.
what then?
i've committed my life, but have i committed my days? why do i sometimes feel like i'm just wasting time on this path until i come to some significant milestone? i have no intentions of turning to either side, so why does it still seem difficult not to look to the left or the right? am i only rambling nonsense? am i asking too many rhetorical questions?

honestly though, is this restlessness entirely me? some people have said that it's because i'm young and haven't settled down... i pray that isn't true. if i have to settle for this to go away then maybe i'll just live with it. but i don't think that's it. there's got to be something stirring, other than me. maybe i only still question because i haven't thrown myself completely into the fray. i admit, i've seemed to sortof keep one foot on the ground. maybe that's what i hate so much. i'd so much rather be all or nothing. i'll never go to zero-- never. but this 99% is killing me.
can somebody give me a swift kick in the rear or something? just push me head-first. just pull me in against my will. i'll thank you for it later.

<3

i know we've come so far

but baby, baby, we've got so far to go!

so, it totally smells like something died outside of my dorm. not cool.

so lately i've been revisiting the Mercy Seat, so to speak. relearning the meaning of repenting, and humbling, and love... dude i could devote every day of my life to learning love and never fully understand. my God is just that amazing!!

so here's a passage that i've been chewing on a bit.. you might enjoy a bit of chewing yourself ;)

Proverbs 4:23-27
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the left or to the right; keep your foot from evil.

<3

useless sleep

have you ever had one of those nights where you feel like you close your eyes and then the next thing you know your alarm is going off?
good morning america, i know how you feel!
that happened to me this morning. my alarm went off and i had had dream after dream back-to-back about apparently nothing worth remembering and then i woke up thinking "7:00 already?? what the crap, did i even sleep??"

yeah. i'm foreseeing a nap in the near future. yeah.

alright. i guess i ought to leave you with at least a little bit of a deeper thought for the day. so i found the most beautiful name and fully intend to use it, maybe when i have a daughter? well.... idk. i used to say i'm never having kids but have since come to admit that i'm obviously having kids eventually.. so i was like ... ok, ONE kid. but now, i think i have to have at least 2 because i have names for 2 girls! and i'd like to have a boy too.... oh goodness ok before i get carried away..

so the name for my first girl i want to be Bryna Jedidah. both are hebrew... Bryna means strength and Jedidah means beloved. but the other day, i latched onto the most gorgeous name for a girl! it's Charis.
Charis is the greek word for grace, but really it means so much more than that. i had looked it up in my study time while studying a passage dealing with God's grace, and the translation of the word is:

• graciousness of manner
• divine influence upon the heart & its reflection upon the life
• acceptable, benefit, favor, gift, grace, joy, liberality (liberation), thanks, or thanks-worthy.

seriously... amazing much? i'm in love with this name. i think the "a" is supposed to be more of a soft "o" sound, like in "drama" ... but i like it better long, like in Karen. so the name will be "Kar-riss". Charis.

<3

Impatience

Hope and loss blossom together within me
the heat of the tears on my cheeks
reflects that of my burning core

what is to be gained, and what is to be lost
no one can tell
Like the screenplay of a plot only the director knows

who can tell?
who can see what is given, what is born?
what is borne?

you cannot know how your words
cut straight to the heart
sever the fine line between my hope and my reality

so carelessly named, my right against my request
surely you know
surely he must know

How can something so relevant be so distant?
Lord, please don't dismiss me
don't let abandon become something i dread

surely You didn't create a fit You mean to leave empty
surely You wouldn't leave Your promise for so long
it must be soon...
perhaps it must not be soon

forgive my errors
correct my impatience
life is for You alone to fill
and deepesr heartache You alone have known

selfishness consumes - time is lost
and my consciousness is overrun
more than mere feelings,
this soul needs must be tamed

keep my heart pure Lord
let me not lack discipline

I am Yours
my life is for You
my heart is Your right
my days are in Your hands
and Your time will be my time

Only speak to me,
and soothe this heart
Father and Lover, i need you now.

<3