Stifling

Lately I find my job stifling. Obviously the time constraints of my current employment have always been somewhat restrictive... but even more than that, you know?
Nobody talks about anything much, it seems like. I'm isolated alot of the time. Not only are we in our only silly little cubicles (for volume purposes, I understand) but we're also spread out, so that for most of the day I'm faced into a corner with no one within comfortable talking distance. Perhaps this is to maximize productivity. Well, we see here on my blog that I'm updating on the clock how well that is working :p.

Anyway. I think this job is just taxing for someone of my nature. I understand that the work we do every day makes a difference as a part of a very great cause... but it's still computer work. You know? Idk. Boo desk jobs. They're fine for people who somehow like the idea of sitting in the same place for hours at a time and staring at the inside of a building. I want windows. I want fresh air, and sunlight. Exercise would be nice too.

So Jacob applied for a youth pastor position at a church in CO. He and Grace seem really excited. I'm hoping that works out for them :) Seems like a really good fit for them, and no doubt they'd be happier there than they have been in TX. I would mostly hate working here if Jacob moved though. boo again. lol

So I read an article today about Sensory Perception Sensitivity. Studies suggest that this is a personality trait that a minority of people have. Basically, it means you process the world around you differently. Alot of times it displays itself in the form of shyness or introvertedness, or even eccentricity and sometimes social inhibitions and neuroticism. According to this article, that is. But I have to say, it makes alot of sense. Basically you're just super-sensitive to sensory input. SPS people tend to pay higher attention to detail, take in their surrounding, and be more greatly affected by their surroundings. They tend to be deep thinkers, deliberaters, take longer to finalize decisions, hold back in social settings and observe before "warming up", take a greater amount of time to themselves to process thoughts/events. They may be more conscientious, easily bored with frivolities like small talk, and [relatively]dramatically affected by things like crowds, noise, caffeine, and pain. Here's the link to the article if you'd like to read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36201866/ns/health-behavior/ns/health-behavior/

I'm pretty sure I'm SPS. Which might actually also have something to do with obsessive compulsive tendencies, maybe? Idk. The human mind is a wild and complex place.

Draw Your Own Conclusions

So I just got off the phone with a man who wanted to know whether or not a person can lose their salvation. Is it once saved, always saved, or can you become un-saved?

We don't actually carry any products that answer that question specifically. We have plenty of products on salvation, what it means, what it entails, how do you get it, what do you do with it, why do you need it... But a doctrinal question like that, not really our focus. And this guy was so focused on getting an answer from Kenneth Copeland about whether or not a person can lose their salvation and why, he was so convinced that surely we would have a teaching over such a profound question.

I tried to explain to him that we're not going to be able to give him a yes or no answer.. that's not what we're about. You're bordering on philosophy there, and we don't get into philosophy, or debates. Our purpose as a teaching ministry is not to debate. It's to bring Christians from milk to meat, to teach believers to grow and mature in the Word. And if you're focused on whether or not you can lose your salvation, you're not focused on maturing in the Word. You know? So I explained this to him and said, I don't think you're going to be able to get a yes or no answer from Kenneth Copeland. And he said Kenneth already answered the question, he'd already said it, I just want to know why, how does he know, or something like that.

There's no pleasing that sort of person. They already have their answer but they want more of an answer. He wanted to know where in the Bible it talks about it, etc etc. Well, then the proper course of action if he cared so much about this one theological question would be to take all of this time and effort he's putting into finding out what one man thinks about it, and put that time and energy into looking into the Word himself and finding out for himself what it says about it. You know? Some people just want you to answer all their questions for them. And I mean, it's wise to learn what you can from other people. sure. But not to depend on someone else's knowledge for your own learning and/or satisfaction.

You have all the same resources we do. It's just easier for you if we use them for you.

From Glory to Glory

Have I used that title before? I bet I have... You know, I lose track.

What do you call the transition between a transition and a transition? Sounds like my life, I think. Always looking forward, always heading for something new.

Well, summer's coming up, and with it changed, no doubt. And choices already. I've been offered the job to Stage Manage for Dallas Young Artists again. And I'd really love to do it, but at the same time, earning money might need to be my priority this summer. I'm not sure I'll be able to pay things, you know, on the amount that they're offering. Well, anyway. If I can't do it, I suppose it's not the end of the world. So many options, and possibilities that I've been looking at lately. What am I going to do when I finish my Associates at Collin? Well there are a few things that I would like to do. I've been looking at a few degrees at FullSail University. Online Degrees, as it were... Ones that I think would fit and aid very nicely in these plans I have in this abstract head of mine. But i haven't looked into it and organized my thoughts enough just yet to really expound upon all that. Needless to say, there will definitely be some more looking in happening. :p

I wanna be done transitioning to transitioning. In fact I wanna be done transitioning, and just live somewhere for awhile. It's nice to be somewhere instead of in-between somewhere for a change.

must do somethinggg

I'm feeling all unproductive at the moment. But it's because all of my deskwork is done and I won't be given anything more to do until 9:30... and I have all this energy and things racing around my mind that need to be taken care of but can't be right at this second.

My new phone is on it's way. But I need to call AT&T asap and make sure they're not going to bill me because there's a spot on my screen that's not a crack and they made it sound like it's not physical damage but I'm not sure I'm feeling all iffy about it and if it is then theyre going to charge me $200 for returning a non-warrantied phone, when if they'd been straight and told me no you need to make an insurance claim I'd only be paying $50. So I'd rather just pay the $50 if need be and not have to worry about them being all "no! you returned a smashed up phone!!" but of course if it is covered by warranty, I'd just as soon get a free new phone. So I need to call and make sure. Asap.
The other thing that I want to have out of the way but can't do anything about yet is my tax return... it's still not in yet, but they said it looks like it should still be coming in their system, so if i don't have it by tomorrow to call back and ask again. I'm a little upset about this... see previous references to our government and it's efficiency (or lack thereof). All I'm saying is, I wish that I was in the position to stop them from taking any more pockets of the economy, just for the sake of anything at all ever getting done. *sigh*

On a happier note, Mark and I rented Adventureland last night. Definitely not the best movie in the world, but hanging out was way fun. I don't remember the last time we had that good a time just watching a movie together. This makes me happy :)

<3

side note

i've had this blog for two years this month.
to be perfectly honest, I don't think I ever really intended for it to last that long. I don't think I ever even thought that far into the future.

also, it's time to get into shape, for reals. I'm tired of fluctuating, it makes me feel flabby and insecure. Not to mention it's not useful to not be able to run long when yo're trying to keep up with the boys in sports. So starting today I'm doing like an hour of cardio every day. Get it!!

Spring Fever

So that last post was a bit of a downer. An optimistic downer maybe, but still prety low. lol. Today's going to look up a bit.

My tax return is due today. It hasn't shown up yet, but I'm not going to freak about it unless it's still not here by tomorrow. That would be pretty not okay.

I still feel a bit of anxiety over money and debt issues. and by a bit, I mean.. sometimes it's really alot. I'm not much closer to paying off my car than I was before I took that awful crappy job at Pizza Hut. But I'm hanging in there, and mustering my faith for it. I don't really know how to use my faith for finances, but I suppose I'm in as good a time and place to learn as anyone could ask for,huh? May as well get started... Lord, help me...

so all this restlessness I've been feeling lately, that's been causing all this trouble, I realized this morning bears all the telltale characteristics of Spring Fever. It's a new season, everything's blossoming, and I feel like I'm not. I feel like things should be changing so it drives me crazy when they just stay the SAME. also, it's twitterpation season. As my old english prof used to say, "it's that season when you all break up with your boyfriends" lol. Except, despite occasional frustrations, I just like Mark more :) but even that has a little flavor of spring fever. Everything's blossoming, and i get all crazy and want to be together all the time, which can have kindof a smothering effect. Hey don't judge me this is my blog! I'm just being honest, embarrassing though it is...

I'm ready for summer though. I'm ready to do things. I'm ready for experiences like DYA to be here for my to give my attentions to. I'm ready to not be in lewisville, or freaking fort worth. I'm ready to have a life where I don't have to plan hours ahead just to see anybody. I'm ready to be living my own life, doing things that make sense, not spending 90% doing things and going places that I don't have any interest in just because I'm stuck doing it!! please can I fast forward just three months? please??

you see what things are like inside my head right now? raging mad. Well you know what spring? you can take your feverish restlessness, and you can suck it. That's right. SUCK IT.

Happy Easter

All of the holidays seem to have been strange this year. Different, you know? Not all festive and effortless the way I tend to remember them. Not much happening... Not much sense of what anything is about. I don't think I like it.

This past weekend was in the same current. A large part of it was being preoccupied with relationship things. Mark and I seem to be having to work quite a bit to be on the same page lately. Every relationship has that, I suppose. Sometimes communication is better than others, sometimes things are easier than they will be other times. A hundred different factors are part of why things have been a bit of a struggle. There's alot of things to work on. But I suppose there always are.
The one thing that makes me feel more peaceful about it though, even when things are hard, is knowing that neither of us are just going to give up. Over the past 9 months, there have been a few opportunities for both of us to just walk away, cut our losses or whatever you want to call it. Say enough is enough and that we don't want to try anymore. Saturday was one of those chances. Either of us could have walked away and said that making things work is just hard and I don't want to try anymore. But I know that I'll never make that choice. When you love someone, it's worth working through the tough parts to make your life together better. When you love someone, it's worth sticking with them just to be with them. And to be completely honest.. when you love someone.. there's not much of a choice sometimes. You're going to love them, whether it's hard or not.

That's about where I'm at, I guess.

<3

Aprils foolishness

I missed the read-through for Angels, Inc. I really wanted to go, but it was on Sunday night, and it didn't start until 11 pm. It's hard enough to be at work at 6 on Monday morning without being up until 2 am the night before. So I skipped. Sad day. Rehearsals start next weekend though, and that I am excited about.

Last day at Pizza Hut was a doosey. I have freedom now, and it's lovely :) Tuesday I hung out with Matt after work, and Wednesday I was completely lazy and took a nap. Glorious.

As of this coming Tuesday, when I get my tax return, my credit card will be completely paid off (Praise the Lord!!) and my new, strict, savings-oriented budget will officially kick in. It's not that I didn't give myself much money to spend, it's just that I'm strictly going to spend only the amount that I gave myself. yep :) I'm excited for this new system. I've got one more check from Pizza hut coming in that will kick off my new and improved savings regimen, and it's all uphill from there! There's still kindof a big dark void beyond May when Angels Inc closes, but we'll cope with that when we get there, eh? I'm trying to be trusting and not stress about it now. I need a little more reinforcement though.

So today begins April. What the heck? I'm loving spring, enjoying it immensely, and at the same time looking forward to next spring when I'll be able to go for morning runs and see the sun rise and actually appreciate all of it and not be cooped up inside so much. And not be in Lewisville -.- lol. I really am really really looking forward to moving to Plano. yay :) But more on those plans as they develop.

Nothing planned for April Fools today. I'm just waiting to see what Mark has up his sleeve though. hrmmm

This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.