Montana's not such a bad place..

I've been going through some of my old posts today... its always so interesting to read one's own thoughts from times past. Some of the stuff i wrote i really like upon rereading it.. lyrics and whatnot. i kinda wonder why its been so long since i've written anything. maybe i just don't have enough down time.

you know what? I miss my Friths. yeah. just thought I might let you know that... :/

you know what else? I'm ready to not be having rehearsals every Sunday. It's really hard to go to a church whose earliest service is 10 am when you have to be at rehearsal at 11:30. blech.

hahaha
so guess who slept through her alarm and was an hour and a half late for work this morning? yeah, me. I mean, it could just as easily have been Susan, but it was me. We got out of rehearsal exceptionally late last night and my body has been wanting for rest lately too, especially with this silly cold/thing my immune system is taking care of. So i guess my body just threw a fit and decided not to listen when my alarm went off this morning. I didn't wake up until Tiffanie woke up and was like "..Bekah? What are you doing here?" and I was like "OH, CRAP!!"
lol. so I'm working an extra hour and a half after my usual shift to make up. I'm here until 3:30. it's really weird not leaving at 2:00... I feel like I'm in detention or something, like i have to stay and talk to the teacher after all the other kids leave class :/ lol. I am grateful that they're letting me make up the time though, for sure. this is NOT to happen again.

emotions are confusing. Maybe that's why i try to just ignore them most of the time. "Emotions are footprints in the rain" ..interesting statement there. Good song though. Trainwreck by A Rotterdam November.
anyhow. yeah. confusing. Who needs 'em. and I don't wanta go up to some God-forsaken ranch in Montana.

Slow again

It's been really busy at work the last several days.. last week was crazy busy, with Sister Gloria on the Broadcast everyone wants to call in! When the youngsters are on their doesn't seem to be quite as much of a craze. No reflection on them of course.

*cough**cough*cough* ... *sneeze* *sneeze* ... *nose blow*
gross, right? that's been the last three days. today's infinitely better though. The last couple of days i basically kept coughing and sniffling and throat-clearing and nose-blowing and coughing and sneezing and coughing and everything just stayed the same. today I feel like my chest and throat and nose are actually clearing, quite a bit. I'm also drinking hot mint tea and that helps immensely. dumb sinuses... -.-

had a couple talks yesterday. cleared up some drama. no specifics. but it was beneficial :)

It is unreasonable that today is only Tuesday. I'm just saying. It ought to be at least Thursday. Seriously.

I was supposed to start my financial breakthrough kit yesterday. I didn't. I'm honestly making every effort not to procrastinate. I honestly am. sometimes things still have to be pushed back :/

I also watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog yesterday. (no, not wasting time. don't judge me on the order of my paragraphs) It was... interesting..

I wish more of my friends were bloggers. I'm not saying I want to go back to Xanga or anything... but it'd be nice to hear more people's thoughts from day to day. At least I think so.

<3

p.s.
almost to the 100th post. won't that be an occasion :p

All You Need is Love

Actually, all you need is FAITH and love. A little faith, and Love... and you're set. But good luck with the Love part without faith. ...just sayin'
(Hebrews 11:6)

Will you pray for me?

I don't really feel like blogging, lol. But I guess I oughta post something, for the sake of having some semblance of consistency.

Yesterday at prayer an interesting thought occurred to me. I'm super blessed to be at KCM, and witnessing the power of prayer and faith in action pretty much daily. Prayer works, and I see it all the time. God does move in peoples lives and answer the prayers of His saints, and it's so obvious to me who gets to be an active part of a huge network of faith-filled believers daily. So anyway, I got to thinking about all of those people who don't really have much faith in prayer.. they don't really believe, it seems, that God legitimately moves today the same way He did 2000 years ago. But the thing is, these same people who don't really pray, don't really believe that prayers will make a difference, even maybe scoff at those who do... these are many of the same people that say things like "could you be praying for me" or "keep such-and-such in your prayers.." or "I'm just a-hopin' and prayin'".... now, to me, that's just silly. Why say you're gonna pray if you're not? and if you are, why pray if it's not gonna do anything? I feel like your time would be better spent reading a book (or whatever). How silly though, to act like prayer and petition are the most normal things (or at least the most normal things to say) and then in the next breath act like believing that your prayers have real and effective power is just plumb crazy. I say THAT's just plumb crazy. and hypocritical too, a bit.
So really I guess my argument here is, I'm not weird for taking God at His word and treating Him like a real person who cares about me and is an active part in my life and praying like my prayers will make a difference... You're stupid for acting like you believe God when you don't, treating God like He's some ineffectual idea, and praying (or saying you're going to, or asking someone else to) empty words that you don't even believe will be heard. What kind of sense does that make??

In other news, I still haven't got the character sketches for Bus Stop done. I'm going to knock out as many as possibly tonight.

Also, I went on a date the other night. It was fun :) Mark made us dinner and we watched a movie and ate by candle light and such clicheness. lol. Tiffanie pokes fun, but I think it was romantic. So yeah, good times :)

The day after an unpleasant one

Staff chapel this morning.. was really good. Pastor George talked about healthy relationships, especially families and marriages. Really good stuff. I heart Pastor George ^_^

...I want to get married... *sigh*

So rehearsal tonight... 7-10 pm. First normal rehearsal we've had so far, as far as length at least. We're doing alot of understudy work tonight, so I hope I'm ready for that :/ It's one thing to read lines with someone else on book, but it's another to try to remember them while doing blocking that I've only really half-learned so far... ugh. But I'm excited to finally be up on stage and working with people. We're also running alot of the Act III scenes between Bo and Cherie.. which means me and Jon... but we're both professionals. so no worries. yeah.

I need decorations for my desk at work. It looks pretty bland for the most part. Any suggestions?

Days of Refreshing

6:21. am. Tuesday.
I think I only got a few hours of sleep last night... well oh well. I'll be responsible tonight, how about that?

Started P90X yesterday.. first workout was Core Synergistics.
...
It. Kicked. My. Butt.
and I didn't realise it until i got up this morning, but my back is really sore. Oh boy.

So this week is the Days of Refreshing at EMIC... I got to go the the service yesterday morning.. omg. SO good ^_^ Keith Moore spoke on not letting your heart become hard. God's awesome of course and saved me a seat on the second row.. and I loved every minute of it. And I'm gonna listen to it again today. Keith Moore is such a good guy :) I really like him. As a teacher, he tends to be very straight-forward, and some people think that he can be very blunt and almost harsh sounding... and I mean yeah he's blunt alot of times, he doesn't sugar-coat, but he's gentle. He gave a slightly sobering call-you-out-on-the-carpet kind of message yesterday, and it probably made some people a little uncomfortable I guess.. but I thought he was very gentle with it. Very this-is-the-deal, now-heres-what-we-need-to-do. you know? that doesn't seem harsh to me...

I've had some melancholy moods lately.. because of the rain and some other things. I've tried to even write some prose or poetry a couple times, but the artsiness that usually comes with such melancholy seems to be in short supply. well, whatevs. :)

Disease (the Amplified version)

The subject came up in my mind this morning, through a series of thoughts that would be complicated to relate in text, of Ease. Gail, the Director of Bus Stop and teacher of my Acting class last semester talks about ease quite a bit. It's one of Michael Chekhov's "Four Brothers In Art," or BEEF: Beauty, Ease, Entirety, and Form. But she comments a lot and encourages her students and actors to be Easy, to move with ease, and not with a sense of disease. It makes sense, and I've seen the difference onstage. Lately though, God's been showing me more and more than every good and perfect thing comes from above-- which means basically that we have God to thank for any and every good thing, yes, but in apply-this-to-more-than-just-church terms to me means, every bit of "worldly" goodness, every solid practice and truthful principal, whoever says it and wherever it's found, leads back to a Biblical principal, and to God Himself.

I was thinking yesterday about a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson's School of Divinity Address: "If a man is at heart just, then in so far is he God; the safety of God, the immortality of God, the majesty of God do enter into that man with justice." I think that Mr. Emerson was a wonderful essayist and philosopher, and in this particular quote he puts forward [in a different sense] exactly the principle I'm observing. If there is good, then there is God. Jesus said no one is good but God... now I'm not trying to make the argument that therefore God is in everyone and so everyone is saved. I'm not talking salvation here. I'm saying that anywhere you see goodness, you're seeing the character of God. And I'm saying that everyone, and everything, be it religious, secular, outside the church or not, are illustrations of "Biblical" principles-- which are, in fact, the principles of nature, the principles of creation.

Take the concept of "Ease," for example. If you do things with a sense of ease rather than a struggling dis-ease, if you will, you will find that you perform better, that you feel better, that your body responds better. You are livelier, natural, believable. Disease, on the other hand is forced, a struggle, unnatural, uncomfortable, incredible, and generally unpleasant. This we can pretty basically observe. But why is that?

In the Bible, and the New Testament especially, we see a lot of references to "peace" and "rest" always as something to obtained, maintained, received. It's a goal to be reached, more or less; it's what we want. Ps 37:37 says "Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright; for the end of that man is peace." On the flip-side, we have words from Jesus like, "Don't worry about tomorrow", "blessed are the peace-makers" and Paul saying "Cast your burdens on the Lord".. etc. basically, peace = good. Worry/burden/antipeace = bad. I'm seeing a connection here with the whole ease = good, disease = bad concept. So I did a word study on "disease."

Here's a few synonyms for Disease:
distress, or uneasiness of mind-- caused by fear of danger or misfortune.
anxiety
Travail (painfully difficult or burdensome work; toil)
grief
calamity
Psalms' use of "Disease" is confusing, but it's along these same lines..
debility, enervation (to deprive of force or strength; destroy the vigor of; weaken)
enfeeble
ailment (physical or mental disorder)

...how interesting that even though many times it is a physical sickness or disorder (out of order), it just as often (or more) is more mental, and spiritual. And several times in the Bible, wherever the word "disease" is used, it's preceded by the word "evil." (evil disease)
so I think we can all agree that disease = bad, and much more than just physical sickness. It encompasses striving, toiling, sadness, misfortune, pain (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), disability, weakness, dis-order...

Now here's the fun part. In Matt 4 & 9 (among others) it says that Jesus healed ALL manner of disease (i.e., restoring ease.) Hey, buddy! Let's go through that one more time.. that means He put a stop to striving and toiling (vain effort for something that God's already done), restored JOY instead of sadness, fixed calamities and misfortunes (unfortunate events causing discomfort), relieved pain (physical, mental, emotional AND spiritual), created ability where there was disability, supplied strength where there was weakness, restored order where things had gotten out-of-order. I mean, if that doesn't just make you wanna sing... then read one more chapter. Because in Matt 10 He gave the disciples (and.. I'M a disciple) "power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and ALL manner of Disease."
Heyyy... you know what that means?

That means I don't just move with ease on stage... I don't just abide in peace, and in God's rest..
I create ease. I get rid of ALL manner of dis-ease, everywhere I go. 'Cause I'm with Jesus. Whew! Gail didn't know she was preaching a sermon when she said to move with ease....

C.M. Dill

Cass wrote a crazy-awesome note on facebook. You should check it out if you haven't already.

I haven't learned my lines yet for Bus Stop :/
And basically, I have until Friday to be off-book. Good times.

worked out lightly yesterday... enough that i felt fatigue when I was done but I wasn't exhausted. And enough that I can feel a little soreness in certain places now, but I'm still able to walk :)

My coffee this morning is extra-sweet. But I'm okay with that.

You know, I realized the other day that.. I miss my friends. I don't see most of them very much anymore. I see the people I work with, and the people I'm in a show with... and I mean I see Mark and Traci and some DYA kids quite a bit... and I live with Tiffanie but I don't really see her all that much lol. I haven't hung out with Sam or Whitney or Autumn or Daniel or Joel or Ariel or Heather or Hucks or Quinton or Sarah or.................
I mean alot of times it's because of location and distance, and I suppose that can't be helped or held against me. (And I didn't even mention my west tx and out-of-state friends..) But most of it's just due to scheduling. I mean, I do what I gotta do and I'm more or less resigned to the fact that there's no way around that affecting my social life... but still. I miss my friends. Somebody want to hang out this weekend? I can put my homework off for a few hours... :)

couple quotes from cass's recent work to end this post..

"Love is absolute, all-consuming, all-encompassing. It is wilder than a violent cylcone, gentler than an evening breeze. Love is louder than a volcanic eruption and as silent as the depths of space." -C.M. Dill

"This is our essence: mine and Yours. You are a supernova of passion, and when You found me I was redefined." -C.M. Dill

Ariele Beriyah

Hah. So that to-do list, from my last post? yeah, didn't exactly work out as planned. I got a minimal amount of reading done for class.. I still have the rental.. I didn't get home until everybody was leaving the apartment already.. the double date was fun, albeit shorter than I had anticipated. lol. Script? yeah.... not so much. We'll get some work done on that tonight.

But all in all, twas a good day. I got to sleep late, relax around the house for a bit, chill with the sistas...
My nephew is really smart. Did you know that? Like, as smart as I was at his age... though with ever so slightly less reserved behavior. (I feel like that was an awkward phrase, but I'm not going to change it.)

So I still want to get a motorcycle. I feel that would be perfectly reasonable-- smart, even. idk. I want one. It's that feeling when you thought something was going to happen a certain way or you were going to do something and it didn't happen that way but then you're still like, "well.. i still think its going to happen that way" and then laterit does. yeah. something like that.

Speaking of vehicles, I've named the saturn. Ariele Beriyah. Both are Hebrew... Ariele I find fitting to the look and feel of the car, based mostly on the sound of the name. It means lion of God, and is synonymous with Jerusalem in the old testament. I changed the spelling of course... Ariele looks more graceful than Ariel. Beriyah (Bri for short) mean "new thing". It's a good name for her :)

so today I have work until 2, work out after work (aiming to be done by 2:30, or at least out of the parking lot by 2:45) thus day one of my embarkment toward impeccable health and fitness. After that, head home & finish any reading for class tonight that I havent by that point, and Mark's gonna meet me at my apartment and follow me over to the car rental place in my car so I can finally get rid of that silly lily rental and be driving my own car :D

Alright. no exceptionally interesting thoughts today... but there's an update. enjoy :)

Labor Day :D

so, today is Labor Day. Praise the Lord! I can use it, for sure.
SO rehearsals this weekend went very well... I'm actually behaving like an understudy now (meaning most of what I do is watch and take notes, lol) so the rehearsals are not as active for me as when we were doing character work. But I'm still learning quite a bit and have just as much outside-rehearsal work to do. At times I feel like I could be dramaturging this play. lol.

so today, I am
Taking the rental up to DFW and dropping it off (because all of the local branches are closed today)
Naming my new car
Getting caught up on reading and assignments for this week
Going over script and doing yet more research for Bus Stop (of course)
Hanging out at the apartment with some friendsss
Double date tonight lol

yay Labor Day ^_^

We Got This Crate of Soaps In...

So it's just occurred to me—
I’m reading brother Kenneth’s prophecy from oct. 2008, on our "Marching orders".. basically like 4 simple points to staying in the Blessing. Good stuff. If you haven't read or heard it, you can view it at http://www.kcm.org/sites/kcm.org/files/cck/prophecy/field_prophecy_attachment/Kenneth_Copeland_Prophecy_pay_attention_0.pdf Anyway, it occurred to me that a lot of my friends would probably place under the category of crazy the notion of not paying any attention based on political and economical action, as the government’s concerned. But I mean, that’s exactly what we’re supposed to do. I mean, as applies to our own business, basically there’s no reason to much acknowledge what the government does and doesn’t do. Makes perfect sense from a faith standpoint. Like a jigsaw puzzle with four fun pieces! :p And then it just kindof works out, what we see of it.
Idk, I just thought of it in that light I suppose because yesterday Mark and I were talking about politics.. and it’s interesting how we can have essentially the same sensibilities and objectives, and yet such fundamentally different viewpoints. Mainly we were discussing the issue of socialized healthcare. But anyway, so I suppose my mind was on politics a bit, and there are a lot of people I know who think it doesn’t make sense to depend on God for economic stability and support. Like, I guess it just doesn’t occur to them. So it’s interesting (and, in a way, a little thrilling) to be able to say to them, “well, I know it doesn’t make sense to you rationally, but just listen to what I say, disagree if you want, but watch what I do and see how it plays out.” I mean, like the car thing. It’s one thing for me to tell God, between Him and me, “ok God. Now, You said You’d supply all of my needs.. and this is definitely a need.. so I trust You to do that.” And a little bit more of a thing to say before other people, “I have this need, and God said He’d take care of it, so He’s gonna. Watch and see.” It’s scary if you think that whatever happens is going to be a reflection on you. But how many times in the Bible did God say he would do something (esp for the Israelites) for His own namesake, as a testament to Him as God, not them as the people. How many times did Moses call God out and say, “Listen, You said You’d [do this] so it’s your own reputation on the line, whether we deserve it or not.” So I mean, I feel like I’m within my respectful rights to hold that up and be like, “You said You’d do this. So I’m gonna let You do it. It’s on You, and if You do it, then it’s on You and I’ll tell people. And if You don’t do it, then its on You and I’ll tell people.” Honestly, I didn’t say that second part. But I did say basically, I’m doing what You told me to do, so if I’m doing anything wrong then You better let me know and I’ll fix it because otherwise You get all the credit either way. I mean, my initial reaction is to kindof recoil and be like, “I don’t know if I can hold God to the line like that..” but then, why not? It’s nothing more than taking Him at His Word.. which is faith.
So… I’m kindof excited. Because I know a lot of people who understand with a visual example what they don’t understand without. You know? It’s exciting to realize that you are proof that when you act on what you believe (when what you believe is the Word of God), you’re taken care of. And those things that you said that might not make sense to someone who’s not seeing the whole picture play out right in front of them (and you). And the you can be like “see, even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it works. So maybe you should pay attention ;)”

Alright.. I probably should return that box of soap… :/

Afterword from Cass: "A definitely agree. God never tells us to do anything He isn’t also willing to do. He says we are accountable for the words of our mouths. Therefore, so is HE!! He goes to and fro throughout the world looking for someone who is willing to put pressure on His Word. Some one He can show Himself faithful to. That’s the Glorious Church we keep hearing about. One who is willing to stake everything on God’s word and let Him show off to the world on their behalf. Very, Very exciting."

Can It Be Saturday Now?

It's Friday. yay. that means the weekend is tomorrow, for most people. for me it means the weekend is 17 hrs away yet. And counting.

rehearsal tonight... I'm really not prepared. Hopefully by then I will be but... well we'll see. It's been a bit of a rough week, and I really did not get to do as much work during the week as I would have liked. So today I guess I get to play catch-up. yay. Or maybe I'll spend most of the rehearsal writing down blocking. That'd be ok with me too.

4 o'clock seemed to come unreasonably early this morning. I mean really. I woke up and all I could think was "nooooo.. more sleeeeep. pleeeeassse." yes, I'm very whiney when I'm tired. Nonetheless, here I is at Kenneth Copeland Ministries, alert and ready to be dishin' out some Word.Honestly, though, I'm predicting a highly caffeinated day. and like twelve hours of sleep tomorrow. yeah.

Update on the car situation: God is good, and I love my daddy, and I'm provided for :) ..at considerably less than I was anticipating, too. Did I mention that God is good? I mean, it's no motorcycle... but never fear. that possibility is still there ;)

RIP Sylvia

so Colorado was wonderful. Lots of hiking, and relaxing, and nature, and a little bit of shopping... it was nice :) honestly though, by the end of the week I was ready to get back to the real world!

Collin theatre held the first auditions of the season for Bus Stop and Life Stories: A Musical Revue. I auditioned for Bus Stop, and got cast as an understudy. I really didn't expect to get called back, to be perfectly honest. I completely blanked in my prelim audition... yikes. But I got called back, and I didn't make the original cast, but I'm understudying for Cherie. Which I'm happy with. :)

Life has been hectic the last couple of weeks. Between work, class, rehearsal, outside character work and this ridiculous reading schedule my british lit prof is imposing, I'm having to work hard not to let my Word time and my sleep time go by the wayside. Weekends help alot with the sleeping part. Work helps with the Word part, though I do try not to let it depend on having time at work. Honestly though, sometimes at work is the only time that I get to my Bible in a day. It happens.

So Sylvia (my car) has been decommissioned. Her life was cut short :(
what happened was, Sunday night there was a police chase and the guy running from the cops hit my car, which was parked outside of my apartment. It was a shock to my system, but I made arrangements to get it taken care of and everything (with help). Yesterday the insurance people told us that it's been totalled. So basically... I'm out of a car for the moment. I have a rental until Monday, and I have two AMAZING friends who have already offered to let me borrow their car until I can get one of my own. I'm not worrying. I mean, yesterday, I definitely had a bit of a meltdown. The mourning for my car mixed with the "what am I going to do?" sentiment mixed with the "I was already trying to keep up this is not a good time for a change in plans" mixed with Lord even knows what else all kindof melded into a *fun* little crying spree. Naturally I had no desire to drive to school and flunk a British Lit quiz in that condition, so basically I skipped class and went to Mark's house and blubbered for awhile. Then I did my homework and sat down and wrote out all of what I have to work with, and we finished Defensive Driving (finally), and the world seemed a little lighter. Praise the Lord for good friends.

The bottom line is really, my hands have been emptier than this before; God took care of me then, and He'll do it again. Besides, He said He would provide all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus-- so now He gets to follow through on that. I mean I'm not being cocky and I'm not saying, "God, you better do this for me!" I'm just saying.. He said He would. So now He has to. It's His name that's on the line, really. So I can't wait to see what He gives me ^_^