judgement

i started writing today, and kept writing for some time...

passion unbridled is a downfall untold
though gravity seems weaker when you stop climbing
the fight can't be won when you stop fighting
if you don't play your hand,
like it or not you fold.

I'd rather have real problems
than ones of my own making
I'd rather be a martyr
than a masochist
still, with all that God has given me
I fabricate a mess to make
and shamefully i try to clean it up

somewhere deep inside my spirit sees
the prince of lies, he laughs at me
in hindsight i'm sure I saw it all
I let him set me up to fall
he came to take and instead I freely gave

Now all too late my blind eyes see
the prince of thieves, he laughs at me
how easy it is to let my guard down.
when all this time instead of sleep
behind my eyes was forming schemes
and nothing I would ever want to have found

easy come, easy go
perfection is a lofty goal
and worse when you give up on reaching for it
'cause easy come and easy go
is like the tide pull to and fro
it's worse when you've no anchor against the current

endless are these lamentations
guilt and regret, they scream damnations
unworthy now of everything I love
yet somewhere still a quiet voice
tells me gently through the noise
worthy is something that I never was

not when God made me in His own image
nor when Christ died to spare my life
and set me free from all damnation
and gave me too a purpose to live
in every little thing I've been given,
where was the time that I ever deserved?

but still my broken heart needs help
I threw it against the wall myself
and hurt thereby much more than only me.
I want to make this up to you
to somehow my devotion prove
to somewhere in me some redemption see

But how can I, when just this day
I've thrown another chance away
I threw it with my heart against the wall
they broke, and though I knew full well
I somehow couldn't stop myself
I let the beast out of it's fragile cage.

My God, my God, what's there to say?
cannot You take this pain away?
what's there or me but to abase myself at Your feet?
for though that seems so hard to bear
it's worse for me to linger here
every thing's wrong when I'm not by Your side.

there are things that I can do without
hopes and dreams, and rights and fears and doubts
take away my freedom, and my life.
when all is said and done, the truth
is all I really need is You
as long as we're together, everything else will be okay.
it'll be okay.

After all this time
You've never given up on me
and I've come to realize You never will
in my heart love whispers,
neither will he,
imperfections be as they will
life goes on, and God is God still.

<3

from years ago...

my mom found this school worksheet i did when i was six or seven and showed it to me... its pretty funny. It's one of those "about me" things that little kids do in elementary school. so i have couple pictures on there of me when i was like five or six or seven, and a family portrait from when i was three. the pictures are adorable. ok so here's what i wrote on the worksheet (caps are printed on the worksheet, quotations are what i wrote)

I AM SPECIAL
HI! MY NAME IS "Rebekah Michaele Melillo"
I LIKE ME BECAUSE "I'm tuff. and most people like me a lot."
MY FAVORITE...
BOOK "precious moments"
MOVIE "Aladin and the king of theves"
TV SHOW "super book"
FOOD "sweet potato"
COLOR "purple"
SEASON "Fall"

HOW I WOULD MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE:
( i drew a recycling sign) "recycle and feed the poor."
MY HOBBIES
(i drew a picture of a bicycle) "jumproping"
ONE WISH
"to have a Dudley dog." (dudley was thedog we had when i was like 2)

wild, huh? i was a clever 6-year-old :p

think twice.

so today is the Pro-LIFE day of Silent Solidarity. meaning basically, a bunch of people across the country are "giving up their voice for a day for those who don't have one," in an anti-abortion stand.
I'm silent today. and usually, i would take that as far as to not communicate at all to the greatest possible extent (meaning no blogging) but i was thinking about it and decided to blog while my mind is on the subject.
so since i have no red duct tape on which to write LIFE and place over my mouth for the day, i settled for making a shirt to showing what i'm silent for. On the front it says "As a former fetus, I oppose abortion." and on the back it says, "..because a person's a person, no matter how small. Pro-LIFE day of Silent Solidarity 2008." it's handy for explaining to people without talking why i'm not talking.

so, anyway, as i was in the bathroom earlier today, consciously not talking or singing (which is excessively uncommon for me), i started thinking. Not having a voice means so much more than not being able to communicate. Even on an interpersonal level, it means never being able to bless someone with your words or with a song. It means never being able to speak for yourself, and you're that much more easily ignored. Proverbially, it's being unable to make a difference; it's crippling. but even so much more than that... on a personal level. You can't sing along to your favorite song. you can't pray aloud, or voice your thoughts to God. Honestly i think not being able to sing is the biggest thing, way bigger than not being able to talk to anyone. that's relatively easy, unless you're focused on something else and let a word slip without thinking (i've done that a couple of times today). but having a song in your head that you want to just sing, but you can't because you're silent. and i'm choosing to be silent. what about the millions of babies that have been aborted, and no one on this earth will ever hear their song? that's huge.

yeah, maybe what i'm doing is "cute". maybe my t-shirt is witty. maybe some jokes using "pro-choice" advocates as the punch line are funny, but the issue is not. it's not cute, it's not funny, it's not passive, and it's not minor. I've heard people criticized because they base their voting solely on the issue of abortion... because it's "just one issue". well so is tax rates, and business reform. but it's not ridiculous to base your voting on one issue when the issue's your money, is it? no, it's only ridiculous when the issue is someone else's life.

so i guess to me even more than the concept of giving up my voice for the innocent children who dont get one, the lesson in this is think before you speak. think twice.

<3

The Black-and-White Ball

Planning is now underway! I'm so excited.... it'll be my first big birthday party really, since I didn't have a sweet sixteen.... and fitting too, I think, since I'll be turning 18 this year. I'm so excited!!!

ok, so here's the invitation. bring a friend!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Summer Song

beautiful.


Spread the blanket on top, and I’ll turn off the lights
And we’ll gaze at the stars
With you by my side, the moon set to the right
It’s incomparable so far

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Two years ago, I had no idea that you were so perfect
As we wait so long, until we join hands
You make the wait worth it

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Now years down the road
Still hasn’t gotten old to sit and laugh the day away
There’s one thing you should know
My love for you grows even more every day

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling in love

And the day that I finally can take you home
There’s no way that I’m ever, ever letting go
We’ll be ok, though miles may separate
There’s no space between our hearts
And this day, I choose to keep loving you
As if it were a choice, I can’t stop falling…

I haven’t stopped falling in love

Spread the blanket on top, and I’ll turn off the lights..

(Summer Song, by Wavorly)



perfect.

So this is the story...

i'm driving to school, right
i'm actually a tad ahead of schedule for once, and i'm pretty psyched about actually getting to my 10 am class on time for a change. so i'm cruising along, thinking about important things, like God, and my favorite people, nd my less favorite people, and my plans to move out next year, and work today, and my plans for the weekend....
so theres nobody in the lane ahead of me and everyone in the lane to the right of me is going about 5 mph slower than me.... odd... i realize only too late that on the other side of that lane is a cop standing around havin' a gay ol' time pulling people over. and of course he points at me and motions for me to pull over. great
so i pull over and he takes his happy time following me over to where i pulled over. liscense and insurance... blah dee blah dee blah.
do you know what the speed limit is?
- i think its 45
its 40. do you know how fast you were going?
- probably closer to 55
exactly 55. do you have an emergency?
- no, just school
are you late for class?
- not as of right now... at least i WASN'T...
please remain in the vehicle, i'll be right back
...
.....
.......
at this point i'm still holding out some remote hope for a warning, but not too much. i was after all doing 55 in a 40. so yeah, i got a ticket. not the end of the world, right? so i kinda decided to keep that frame of mind and be optimistic about it... no super-big deal, i'll survive, there's a first (and a last) time for everything... etc.
but then i told my mom, and she got scared, and said, "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!" I begged and pleaded with her day after day. But she packed my suite case and send me on my way. She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'. First class, yo this is bad Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright. But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think sow I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air.`Well, the plane landed and when I came out`There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out`I ain't trying to get arrested`I just got here I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared. I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'.. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later', I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

michael w smith

so, i'm not sure if i've ever mentioned this before, but..
i freaking love michael w smith's music
his lyrics are amazing. and i could do without the 90's synthesizer thing he's got going on in alot of his stuff, but his compositions are brilliant. beautiful

so i put michael w smith on my list of top 5 artists of all time.

where did this come from, you ask? well, actually, i've just spent at least 30 minutes looking through an archive of his lyrics for a song that has the line "there's a saying, your home is where your heart is. my heart believes it's true."
....didnt find it. i coulda sworn that was michael w smith though. :/
hrmm. well if anybody has any ideas about that one, be sure to let me know!

hopefully i'll be learning some mws pieces on guitar in the near future. i'm sure i'll report on that if/when that happens :D

g'night all

<3

oh hey, p.s.
this is michael w smith's newest music video.... its pretty darn good... i cried >.<

briefly

i'm uber tired so this probably wont be a long post. i wanted to post SOMETHING though, jsut because i havent in awhile

i've been busy... work, school, homework, God, family, collin, life.... not necessarily in that order.
i decided i'm tired of school. or at least collin county. its a little bit lame. and by lame i mean boring. and lame. yeah. almost half-way through the semester...... oi.

lots of frustration about stuff lately. cant really expound cuz it would take me awhile to get those thoughts in order and i really am intending to be in bed within the next five minutes. the point pretty much being, God and i have some straightening out to do.

work is fun. i love my job. :D

pizza hut's stuffed crust pizza is good. the patriots are not having a good season. the cowboys played awfully and barely beat cincinatti today.
i learned a couple of new songs on beth. "Strong Enough" by stacie orrico and "Take My Life" by third day among them. i freakin love that song. its alot easier than i thought it might be too

and now i'm tired. i havent really been getting adequate sleep lately, and partially due to that my immune system has been struggling a bit today. so it's early unconsciousness for me

i promise to write something more relevant next time

<3