judgement

i started writing today, and kept writing for some time...

passion unbridled is a downfall untold
though gravity seems weaker when you stop climbing
the fight can't be won when you stop fighting
if you don't play your hand,
like it or not you fold.

I'd rather have real problems
than ones of my own making
I'd rather be a martyr
than a masochist
still, with all that God has given me
I fabricate a mess to make
and shamefully i try to clean it up

somewhere deep inside my spirit sees
the prince of lies, he laughs at me
in hindsight i'm sure I saw it all
I let him set me up to fall
he came to take and instead I freely gave

Now all too late my blind eyes see
the prince of thieves, he laughs at me
how easy it is to let my guard down.
when all this time instead of sleep
behind my eyes was forming schemes
and nothing I would ever want to have found

easy come, easy go
perfection is a lofty goal
and worse when you give up on reaching for it
'cause easy come and easy go
is like the tide pull to and fro
it's worse when you've no anchor against the current

endless are these lamentations
guilt and regret, they scream damnations
unworthy now of everything I love
yet somewhere still a quiet voice
tells me gently through the noise
worthy is something that I never was

not when God made me in His own image
nor when Christ died to spare my life
and set me free from all damnation
and gave me too a purpose to live
in every little thing I've been given,
where was the time that I ever deserved?

but still my broken heart needs help
I threw it against the wall myself
and hurt thereby much more than only me.
I want to make this up to you
to somehow my devotion prove
to somewhere in me some redemption see

But how can I, when just this day
I've thrown another chance away
I threw it with my heart against the wall
they broke, and though I knew full well
I somehow couldn't stop myself
I let the beast out of it's fragile cage.

My God, my God, what's there to say?
cannot You take this pain away?
what's there or me but to abase myself at Your feet?
for though that seems so hard to bear
it's worse for me to linger here
every thing's wrong when I'm not by Your side.

there are things that I can do without
hopes and dreams, and rights and fears and doubts
take away my freedom, and my life.
when all is said and done, the truth
is all I really need is You
as long as we're together, everything else will be okay.
it'll be okay.

After all this time
You've never given up on me
and I've come to realize You never will
in my heart love whispers,
neither will he,
imperfections be as they will
life goes on, and God is God still.

<3