new blog is at http://chaelisays.wordpress.com/
check it out.
Living in My Mom's Car & Loving It
1 week ago
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Moses
So ever since the Lord led me over-so-graciously to Numbers, I'm really enjoying reading about Moses. He was a pretty great guy, and I love reading his exchanges with God. They were tight :)
It reminds me somewhat of sometimes I've heard Jesse Duplantis talk about his conversations with God.
^_^
It reminds me somewhat of sometimes I've heard Jesse Duplantis talk about his conversations with God.
^_^
Saturday, May 1, 2010
so.. I just learned a pretty huge lesson, about complaining. And as far as God's plan for your life, complaining is maybe the biggest thing you can do completely kill that.
So last night was rough. I felt very lonely, very left out, and very purposeless. What have I been accomplishing, being so far away from what I want to be doing. Never mind that on some level, I'm sure, I've been learning. And I've been complaining. Alot. And, funny thing, the more I complained about anything really, the worse that thing got. Only I was already making myself unhappy about it so until now I didn't even realize I was making it worse. It's amazing how blinding ungratefulness can be. and not in a good way.
But anyhow, so as I'm sitting there at 1:30 am, feeling sorry for myself and upset because I can't possibly see anything of value in anything I've been doing, and feeling like I have absolutely no one to lean on and share with while I'm in this horrifying limbo until I can feel like I'm making progress again, and angry at Mark for falling asleep when I was trying to talk about my feelings.... and eventually I just run out, of tears and of thoughts and of grievances, and I'm just so done with it all, and i can see this whole time how pitiful I'm being, and even how wrong I am, but it's like I can't help but just go on, because I'm too stubborn and lazy and whatever else to just open my Bible like I know from the beginning I needed to. So finally I do. And I'm not sure where to go, but I remember one reference, of all the references i've heard over and over again, only one comes to mind and i can't remember what it says but I go there: and it's Jeremiah 29:11. That's the verse I remembered. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a good future."
...perfect. Moments like that make me wonder how I ever lose sight of how much God loves me.
And then this morning I was reading in Numbers, Chapter 10&11, it's the tail end of the Israelite's journey to the edge of the promise land, and Moses sending the young men to go and explore, and they come back and they're all like "no, we're gonna die, wah wah wah."
Well there was ALOT of complaining going on. and so much was lost because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut and be greatful. Those Israelites were supposed to be the ones to go in and take the promised land that God had for them. And they lost that call on their life because they couldn't keep their eyes on the goal and keep from grumbling. After so much complaining, God finally said "Alright fine. You have such a problem with this? You don't want to walk through three years of uncomfortable journeying, in which you've wanted for nothing, so that I can put you in a land that's plentiful in every way for generations? Fine. You go back where you wanted to go, then. You just keep on complaining, and I'll get someone else to do it. Fine." They lost sight of what was before them, they stopped trusting that God had brought them where they were and was still leading them where He said He'd bring them, and they started complaining.
Lord help me if I ever go there again. I will never go there again. Forgive me Lord for being so impatient, and presumptuous, and ungrateful. From now on, I'm going to spend my time thankful, and trusting. period.
So last night was rough. I felt very lonely, very left out, and very purposeless. What have I been accomplishing, being so far away from what I want to be doing. Never mind that on some level, I'm sure, I've been learning. And I've been complaining. Alot. And, funny thing, the more I complained about anything really, the worse that thing got. Only I was already making myself unhappy about it so until now I didn't even realize I was making it worse. It's amazing how blinding ungratefulness can be. and not in a good way.
But anyhow, so as I'm sitting there at 1:30 am, feeling sorry for myself and upset because I can't possibly see anything of value in anything I've been doing, and feeling like I have absolutely no one to lean on and share with while I'm in this horrifying limbo until I can feel like I'm making progress again, and angry at Mark for falling asleep when I was trying to talk about my feelings.... and eventually I just run out, of tears and of thoughts and of grievances, and I'm just so done with it all, and i can see this whole time how pitiful I'm being, and even how wrong I am, but it's like I can't help but just go on, because I'm too stubborn and lazy and whatever else to just open my Bible like I know from the beginning I needed to. So finally I do. And I'm not sure where to go, but I remember one reference, of all the references i've heard over and over again, only one comes to mind and i can't remember what it says but I go there: and it's Jeremiah 29:11. That's the verse I remembered. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a good future."
...perfect. Moments like that make me wonder how I ever lose sight of how much God loves me.
And then this morning I was reading in Numbers, Chapter 10&11, it's the tail end of the Israelite's journey to the edge of the promise land, and Moses sending the young men to go and explore, and they come back and they're all like "no, we're gonna die, wah wah wah."
Well there was ALOT of complaining going on. and so much was lost because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut and be greatful. Those Israelites were supposed to be the ones to go in and take the promised land that God had for them. And they lost that call on their life because they couldn't keep their eyes on the goal and keep from grumbling. After so much complaining, God finally said "Alright fine. You have such a problem with this? You don't want to walk through three years of uncomfortable journeying, in which you've wanted for nothing, so that I can put you in a land that's plentiful in every way for generations? Fine. You go back where you wanted to go, then. You just keep on complaining, and I'll get someone else to do it. Fine." They lost sight of what was before them, they stopped trusting that God had brought them where they were and was still leading them where He said He'd bring them, and they started complaining.
Lord help me if I ever go there again. I will never go there again. Forgive me Lord for being so impatient, and presumptuous, and ungrateful. From now on, I'm going to spend my time thankful, and trusting. period.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Stifling
Lately I find my job stifling. Obviously the time constraints of my current employment have always been somewhat restrictive... but even more than that, you know?
Nobody talks about anything much, it seems like. I'm isolated alot of the time. Not only are we in our only silly little cubicles (for volume purposes, I understand) but we're also spread out, so that for most of the day I'm faced into a corner with no one within comfortable talking distance. Perhaps this is to maximize productivity. Well, we see here on my blog that I'm updating on the clock how well that is working :p.
Anyway. I think this job is just taxing for someone of my nature. I understand that the work we do every day makes a difference as a part of a very great cause... but it's still computer work. You know? Idk. Boo desk jobs. They're fine for people who somehow like the idea of sitting in the same place for hours at a time and staring at the inside of a building. I want windows. I want fresh air, and sunlight. Exercise would be nice too.
So Jacob applied for a youth pastor position at a church in CO. He and Grace seem really excited. I'm hoping that works out for them :) Seems like a really good fit for them, and no doubt they'd be happier there than they have been in TX. I would mostly hate working here if Jacob moved though. boo again. lol
So I read an article today about Sensory Perception Sensitivity. Studies suggest that this is a personality trait that a minority of people have. Basically, it means you process the world around you differently. Alot of times it displays itself in the form of shyness or introvertedness, or even eccentricity and sometimes social inhibitions and neuroticism. According to this article, that is. But I have to say, it makes alot of sense. Basically you're just super-sensitive to sensory input. SPS people tend to pay higher attention to detail, take in their surrounding, and be more greatly affected by their surroundings. They tend to be deep thinkers, deliberaters, take longer to finalize decisions, hold back in social settings and observe before "warming up", take a greater amount of time to themselves to process thoughts/events. They may be more conscientious, easily bored with frivolities like small talk, and [relatively]dramatically affected by things like crowds, noise, caffeine, and pain. Here's the link to the article if you'd like to read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36201866/ns/health-behavior/ns/health-behavior/
I'm pretty sure I'm SPS. Which might actually also have something to do with obsessive compulsive tendencies, maybe? Idk. The human mind is a wild and complex place.
Nobody talks about anything much, it seems like. I'm isolated alot of the time. Not only are we in our only silly little cubicles (for volume purposes, I understand) but we're also spread out, so that for most of the day I'm faced into a corner with no one within comfortable talking distance. Perhaps this is to maximize productivity. Well, we see here on my blog that I'm updating on the clock how well that is working :p.
Anyway. I think this job is just taxing for someone of my nature. I understand that the work we do every day makes a difference as a part of a very great cause... but it's still computer work. You know? Idk. Boo desk jobs. They're fine for people who somehow like the idea of sitting in the same place for hours at a time and staring at the inside of a building. I want windows. I want fresh air, and sunlight. Exercise would be nice too.
So Jacob applied for a youth pastor position at a church in CO. He and Grace seem really excited. I'm hoping that works out for them :) Seems like a really good fit for them, and no doubt they'd be happier there than they have been in TX. I would mostly hate working here if Jacob moved though. boo again. lol
So I read an article today about Sensory Perception Sensitivity. Studies suggest that this is a personality trait that a minority of people have. Basically, it means you process the world around you differently. Alot of times it displays itself in the form of shyness or introvertedness, or even eccentricity and sometimes social inhibitions and neuroticism. According to this article, that is. But I have to say, it makes alot of sense. Basically you're just super-sensitive to sensory input. SPS people tend to pay higher attention to detail, take in their surrounding, and be more greatly affected by their surroundings. They tend to be deep thinkers, deliberaters, take longer to finalize decisions, hold back in social settings and observe before "warming up", take a greater amount of time to themselves to process thoughts/events. They may be more conscientious, easily bored with frivolities like small talk, and [relatively]dramatically affected by things like crowds, noise, caffeine, and pain. Here's the link to the article if you'd like to read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36201866/ns/health-behavior/ns/health-behavior/
I'm pretty sure I'm SPS. Which might actually also have something to do with obsessive compulsive tendencies, maybe? Idk. The human mind is a wild and complex place.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Draw Your Own Conclusions
So I just got off the phone with a man who wanted to know whether or not a person can lose their salvation. Is it once saved, always saved, or can you become un-saved?
We don't actually carry any products that answer that question specifically. We have plenty of products on salvation, what it means, what it entails, how do you get it, what do you do with it, why do you need it... But a doctrinal question like that, not really our focus. And this guy was so focused on getting an answer from Kenneth Copeland about whether or not a person can lose their salvation and why, he was so convinced that surely we would have a teaching over such a profound question.
I tried to explain to him that we're not going to be able to give him a yes or no answer.. that's not what we're about. You're bordering on philosophy there, and we don't get into philosophy, or debates. Our purpose as a teaching ministry is not to debate. It's to bring Christians from milk to meat, to teach believers to grow and mature in the Word. And if you're focused on whether or not you can lose your salvation, you're not focused on maturing in the Word. You know? So I explained this to him and said, I don't think you're going to be able to get a yes or no answer from Kenneth Copeland. And he said Kenneth already answered the question, he'd already said it, I just want to know why, how does he know, or something like that.
There's no pleasing that sort of person. They already have their answer but they want more of an answer. He wanted to know where in the Bible it talks about it, etc etc. Well, then the proper course of action if he cared so much about this one theological question would be to take all of this time and effort he's putting into finding out what one man thinks about it, and put that time and energy into looking into the Word himself and finding out for himself what it says about it. You know? Some people just want you to answer all their questions for them. And I mean, it's wise to learn what you can from other people. sure. But not to depend on someone else's knowledge for your own learning and/or satisfaction.
You have all the same resources we do. It's just easier for you if we use them for you.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
From Glory to Glory
Have I used that title before? I bet I have... You know, I lose track.
What do you call the transition between a transition and a transition? Sounds like my life, I think. Always looking forward, always heading for something new.
Well, summer's coming up, and with it changed, no doubt. And choices already. I've been offered the job to Stage Manage for Dallas Young Artists again. And I'd really love to do it, but at the same time, earning money might need to be my priority this summer. I'm not sure I'll be able to pay things, you know, on the amount that they're offering. Well, anyway. If I can't do it, I suppose it's not the end of the world. So many options, and possibilities that I've been looking at lately. What am I going to do when I finish my Associates at Collin? Well there are a few things that I would like to do. I've been looking at a few degrees at FullSail University. Online Degrees, as it were... Ones that I think would fit and aid very nicely in these plans I have in this abstract head of mine. But i haven't looked into it and organized my thoughts enough just yet to really expound upon all that. Needless to say, there will definitely be some more looking in happening. :p
I wanna be done transitioning to transitioning. In fact I wanna be done transitioning, and just live somewhere for awhile. It's nice to be somewhere instead of in-between somewhere for a change.
What do you call the transition between a transition and a transition? Sounds like my life, I think. Always looking forward, always heading for something new.
Well, summer's coming up, and with it changed, no doubt. And choices already. I've been offered the job to Stage Manage for Dallas Young Artists again. And I'd really love to do it, but at the same time, earning money might need to be my priority this summer. I'm not sure I'll be able to pay things, you know, on the amount that they're offering. Well, anyway. If I can't do it, I suppose it's not the end of the world. So many options, and possibilities that I've been looking at lately. What am I going to do when I finish my Associates at Collin? Well there are a few things that I would like to do. I've been looking at a few degrees at FullSail University. Online Degrees, as it were... Ones that I think would fit and aid very nicely in these plans I have in this abstract head of mine. But i haven't looked into it and organized my thoughts enough just yet to really expound upon all that. Needless to say, there will definitely be some more looking in happening. :p
I wanna be done transitioning to transitioning. In fact I wanna be done transitioning, and just live somewhere for awhile. It's nice to be somewhere instead of in-between somewhere for a change.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
must do somethinggg
I'm feeling all unproductive at the moment. But it's because all of my deskwork is done and I won't be given anything more to do until 9:30... and I have all this energy and things racing around my mind that need to be taken care of but can't be right at this second.
My new phone is on it's way. But I need to call AT&T asap and make sure they're not going to bill me because there's a spot on my screen that's not a crack and they made it sound like it's not physical damage but I'm not sure I'm feeling all iffy about it and if it is then theyre going to charge me $200 for returning a non-warrantied phone, when if they'd been straight and told me no you need to make an insurance claim I'd only be paying $50. So I'd rather just pay the $50 if need be and not have to worry about them being all "no! you returned a smashed up phone!!" but of course if it is covered by warranty, I'd just as soon get a free new phone. So I need to call and make sure. Asap.
The other thing that I want to have out of the way but can't do anything about yet is my tax return... it's still not in yet, but they said it looks like it should still be coming in their system, so if i don't have it by tomorrow to call back and ask again. I'm a little upset about this... see previous references to our government and it's efficiency (or lack thereof). All I'm saying is, I wish that I was in the position to stop them from taking any more pockets of the economy, just for the sake of anything at all ever getting done. *sigh*
On a happier note, Mark and I rented Adventureland last night. Definitely not the best movie in the world, but hanging out was way fun. I don't remember the last time we had that good a time just watching a movie together. This makes me happy :)
<3
My new phone is on it's way. But I need to call AT&T asap and make sure they're not going to bill me because there's a spot on my screen that's not a crack and they made it sound like it's not physical damage but I'm not sure I'm feeling all iffy about it and if it is then theyre going to charge me $200 for returning a non-warrantied phone, when if they'd been straight and told me no you need to make an insurance claim I'd only be paying $50. So I'd rather just pay the $50 if need be and not have to worry about them being all "no! you returned a smashed up phone!!" but of course if it is covered by warranty, I'd just as soon get a free new phone. So I need to call and make sure. Asap.
The other thing that I want to have out of the way but can't do anything about yet is my tax return... it's still not in yet, but they said it looks like it should still be coming in their system, so if i don't have it by tomorrow to call back and ask again. I'm a little upset about this... see previous references to our government and it's efficiency (or lack thereof). All I'm saying is, I wish that I was in the position to stop them from taking any more pockets of the economy, just for the sake of anything at all ever getting done. *sigh*
On a happier note, Mark and I rented Adventureland last night. Definitely not the best movie in the world, but hanging out was way fun. I don't remember the last time we had that good a time just watching a movie together. This makes me happy :)
<3
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
side note
i've had this blog for two years this month.
to be perfectly honest, I don't think I ever really intended for it to last that long. I don't think I ever even thought that far into the future.
also, it's time to get into shape, for reals. I'm tired of fluctuating, it makes me feel flabby and insecure. Not to mention it's not useful to not be able to run long when yo're trying to keep up with the boys in sports. So starting today I'm doing like an hour of cardio every day. Get it!!
to be perfectly honest, I don't think I ever really intended for it to last that long. I don't think I ever even thought that far into the future.
also, it's time to get into shape, for reals. I'm tired of fluctuating, it makes me feel flabby and insecure. Not to mention it's not useful to not be able to run long when yo're trying to keep up with the boys in sports. So starting today I'm doing like an hour of cardio every day. Get it!!
Spring Fever
So that last post was a bit of a downer. An optimistic downer maybe, but still prety low. lol. Today's going to look up a bit.
My tax return is due today. It hasn't shown up yet, but I'm not going to freak about it unless it's still not here by tomorrow. That would be pretty not okay.
I still feel a bit of anxiety over money and debt issues. and by a bit, I mean.. sometimes it's really alot. I'm not much closer to paying off my car than I was before I took that awful crappy job at Pizza Hut. But I'm hanging in there, and mustering my faith for it. I don't really know how to use my faith for finances, but I suppose I'm in as good a time and place to learn as anyone could ask for,huh? May as well get started... Lord, help me...
so all this restlessness I've been feeling lately, that's been causing all this trouble, I realized this morning bears all the telltale characteristics of Spring Fever. It's a new season, everything's blossoming, and I feel like I'm not. I feel like things should be changing so it drives me crazy when they just stay the SAME. also, it's twitterpation season. As my old english prof used to say, "it's that season when you all break up with your boyfriends" lol. Except, despite occasional frustrations, I just like Mark more :) but even that has a little flavor of spring fever. Everything's blossoming, and i get all crazy and want to be together all the time, which can have kindof a smothering effect. Hey don't judge me this is my blog! I'm just being honest, embarrassing though it is...
I'm ready for summer though. I'm ready to do things. I'm ready for experiences like DYA to be here for my to give my attentions to. I'm ready to not be in lewisville, or freaking fort worth. I'm ready to have a life where I don't have to plan hours ahead just to see anybody. I'm ready to be living my own life, doing things that make sense, not spending 90% doing things and going places that I don't have any interest in just because I'm stuck doing it!! please can I fast forward just three months? please??
you see what things are like inside my head right now? raging mad. Well you know what spring? you can take your feverish restlessness, and you can suck it. That's right. SUCK IT.
My tax return is due today. It hasn't shown up yet, but I'm not going to freak about it unless it's still not here by tomorrow. That would be pretty not okay.
I still feel a bit of anxiety over money and debt issues. and by a bit, I mean.. sometimes it's really alot. I'm not much closer to paying off my car than I was before I took that awful crappy job at Pizza Hut. But I'm hanging in there, and mustering my faith for it. I don't really know how to use my faith for finances, but I suppose I'm in as good a time and place to learn as anyone could ask for,huh? May as well get started... Lord, help me...
so all this restlessness I've been feeling lately, that's been causing all this trouble, I realized this morning bears all the telltale characteristics of Spring Fever. It's a new season, everything's blossoming, and I feel like I'm not. I feel like things should be changing so it drives me crazy when they just stay the SAME. also, it's twitterpation season. As my old english prof used to say, "it's that season when you all break up with your boyfriends" lol. Except, despite occasional frustrations, I just like Mark more :) but even that has a little flavor of spring fever. Everything's blossoming, and i get all crazy and want to be together all the time, which can have kindof a smothering effect. Hey don't judge me this is my blog! I'm just being honest, embarrassing though it is...
I'm ready for summer though. I'm ready to do things. I'm ready for experiences like DYA to be here for my to give my attentions to. I'm ready to not be in lewisville, or freaking fort worth. I'm ready to have a life where I don't have to plan hours ahead just to see anybody. I'm ready to be living my own life, doing things that make sense, not spending 90% doing things and going places that I don't have any interest in just because I'm stuck doing it!! please can I fast forward just three months? please??
you see what things are like inside my head right now? raging mad. Well you know what spring? you can take your feverish restlessness, and you can suck it. That's right. SUCK IT.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Happy Easter
All of the holidays seem to have been strange this year. Different, you know? Not all festive and effortless the way I tend to remember them. Not much happening... Not much sense of what anything is about. I don't think I like it.
This past weekend was in the same current. A large part of it was being preoccupied with relationship things. Mark and I seem to be having to work quite a bit to be on the same page lately. Every relationship has that, I suppose. Sometimes communication is better than others, sometimes things are easier than they will be other times. A hundred different factors are part of why things have been a bit of a struggle. There's alot of things to work on. But I suppose there always are.
The one thing that makes me feel more peaceful about it though, even when things are hard, is knowing that neither of us are just going to give up. Over the past 9 months, there have been a few opportunities for both of us to just walk away, cut our losses or whatever you want to call it. Say enough is enough and that we don't want to try anymore. Saturday was one of those chances. Either of us could have walked away and said that making things work is just hard and I don't want to try anymore. But I know that I'll never make that choice. When you love someone, it's worth working through the tough parts to make your life together better. When you love someone, it's worth sticking with them just to be with them. And to be completely honest.. when you love someone.. there's not much of a choice sometimes. You're going to love them, whether it's hard or not.
That's about where I'm at, I guess.
<3
This past weekend was in the same current. A large part of it was being preoccupied with relationship things. Mark and I seem to be having to work quite a bit to be on the same page lately. Every relationship has that, I suppose. Sometimes communication is better than others, sometimes things are easier than they will be other times. A hundred different factors are part of why things have been a bit of a struggle. There's alot of things to work on. But I suppose there always are.
The one thing that makes me feel more peaceful about it though, even when things are hard, is knowing that neither of us are just going to give up. Over the past 9 months, there have been a few opportunities for both of us to just walk away, cut our losses or whatever you want to call it. Say enough is enough and that we don't want to try anymore. Saturday was one of those chances. Either of us could have walked away and said that making things work is just hard and I don't want to try anymore. But I know that I'll never make that choice. When you love someone, it's worth working through the tough parts to make your life together better. When you love someone, it's worth sticking with them just to be with them. And to be completely honest.. when you love someone.. there's not much of a choice sometimes. You're going to love them, whether it's hard or not.
That's about where I'm at, I guess.
<3
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Aprils foolishness
I missed the read-through for Angels, Inc. I really wanted to go, but it was on Sunday night, and it didn't start until 11 pm. It's hard enough to be at work at 6 on Monday morning without being up until 2 am the night before. So I skipped. Sad day. Rehearsals start next weekend though, and that I am excited about.
Last day at Pizza Hut was a doosey. I have freedom now, and it's lovely :) Tuesday I hung out with Matt after work, and Wednesday I was completely lazy and took a nap. Glorious.
As of this coming Tuesday, when I get my tax return, my credit card will be completely paid off (Praise the Lord!!) and my new, strict, savings-oriented budget will officially kick in. It's not that I didn't give myself much money to spend, it's just that I'm strictly going to spend only the amount that I gave myself. yep :) I'm excited for this new system. I've got one more check from Pizza hut coming in that will kick off my new and improved savings regimen, and it's all uphill from there! There's still kindof a big dark void beyond May when Angels Inc closes, but we'll cope with that when we get there, eh? I'm trying to be trusting and not stress about it now. I need a little more reinforcement though.
So today begins April. What the heck? I'm loving spring, enjoying it immensely, and at the same time looking forward to next spring when I'll be able to go for morning runs and see the sun rise and actually appreciate all of it and not be cooped up inside so much. And not be in Lewisville -.- lol. I really am really really looking forward to moving to Plano. yay :) But more on those plans as they develop.
Nothing planned for April Fools today. I'm just waiting to see what Mark has up his sleeve though. hrmmm
This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Last day at Pizza Hut was a doosey. I have freedom now, and it's lovely :) Tuesday I hung out with Matt after work, and Wednesday I was completely lazy and took a nap. Glorious.
As of this coming Tuesday, when I get my tax return, my credit card will be completely paid off (Praise the Lord!!) and my new, strict, savings-oriented budget will officially kick in. It's not that I didn't give myself much money to spend, it's just that I'm strictly going to spend only the amount that I gave myself. yep :) I'm excited for this new system. I've got one more check from Pizza hut coming in that will kick off my new and improved savings regimen, and it's all uphill from there! There's still kindof a big dark void beyond May when Angels Inc closes, but we'll cope with that when we get there, eh? I'm trying to be trusting and not stress about it now. I need a little more reinforcement though.
So today begins April. What the heck? I'm loving spring, enjoying it immensely, and at the same time looking forward to next spring when I'll be able to go for morning runs and see the sun rise and actually appreciate all of it and not be cooped up inside so much. And not be in Lewisville -.- lol. I really am really really looking forward to moving to Plano. yay :) But more on those plans as they develop.
Nothing planned for April Fools today. I'm just waiting to see what Mark has up his sleeve though. hrmmm
This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Monday, March 22, 2010
What's the Story, Morning Glory?
In an unrelated note to the rest of the blog, that title is actually a quote from Bye-Bye Birdie... a musical that I actually don't like at all. I rather dislike it in fact. It's quite awful.
So, today's my first day back from Spring Break vacation. No, technically I don't have a spring break since I'm not technically in school at the moment... but Mark does, and so does everyone else, so I took the week off of work to go out of town with them. We went to Corpus Christi. It was great fun :) I didn't take nearly enough pictures. :(
Sow e got back from Corpus late Wednesday night... then thurs-fri we had a day-at-the-lake/campout/everybody crash in Lindsey's room adventure. lol. That was also fun, albeit cold. Mark had his first experience on a jetski :)
of course, thursday friday and sunday I still had to work at Pizza Hut. Friday I turned in my two weeks notice. Now I know what you're thinking, "already? but you just started!"
Yes I know. And generally I'll stick it out a bit more, but there are enough factors in favor of quitting in this case that I don't think it's worth it to work low-paying three-hour shifts at a job I don't like. Yesterday I went in, and Leanne, the head cook, said "I heard you gave your two weeks notice, Rebekah" And I said "yeah." She said "Well that's..." And Richard, the second manager, says "good for you. I'd get out of this hellhole if I could, too!" and Leanne said "Pssht. me too."
...I think that's a pretty good indication that I don't really want to work there. Lol. So next Saturday I believe is my last day. I think. Not really sure. He may schedule me a few more days after that. I kinda hope not. But we'll see.
This coming sunday is going to be a bigish day. Mark and I are taking our parents (And granny) out to Chili's for dinner, because they've never met. They all seemed a little apprhensive about it at first, until we told them that no, we don't have any big news to share or anything like that. We just think we oughta get the parents together, since we've been dating for about 9 months and they've never met at all. But after that they seemed to ease up a bit :p I'm looking forward to it... I think it'll be fun :)
Then after that there's the Angels, Inc. read-through. I'm not looking forward to how late it's gonna be, but I am looking forward to the read-through, I suppose. Oh but I haven't told you about that yet. Ah well, this post is already quite full. Another time :)
<3
So, today's my first day back from Spring Break vacation. No, technically I don't have a spring break since I'm not technically in school at the moment... but Mark does, and so does everyone else, so I took the week off of work to go out of town with them. We went to Corpus Christi. It was great fun :) I didn't take nearly enough pictures. :(
Sow e got back from Corpus late Wednesday night... then thurs-fri we had a day-at-the-lake/campout/everybody crash in Lindsey's room adventure. lol. That was also fun, albeit cold. Mark had his first experience on a jetski :)
of course, thursday friday and sunday I still had to work at Pizza Hut. Friday I turned in my two weeks notice. Now I know what you're thinking, "already? but you just started!"
Yes I know. And generally I'll stick it out a bit more, but there are enough factors in favor of quitting in this case that I don't think it's worth it to work low-paying three-hour shifts at a job I don't like. Yesterday I went in, and Leanne, the head cook, said "I heard you gave your two weeks notice, Rebekah" And I said "yeah." She said "Well that's..." And Richard, the second manager, says "good for you. I'd get out of this hellhole if I could, too!" and Leanne said "Pssht. me too."
...I think that's a pretty good indication that I don't really want to work there. Lol. So next Saturday I believe is my last day. I think. Not really sure. He may schedule me a few more days after that. I kinda hope not. But we'll see.
This coming sunday is going to be a bigish day. Mark and I are taking our parents (And granny) out to Chili's for dinner, because they've never met. They all seemed a little apprhensive about it at first, until we told them that no, we don't have any big news to share or anything like that. We just think we oughta get the parents together, since we've been dating for about 9 months and they've never met at all. But after that they seemed to ease up a bit :p I'm looking forward to it... I think it'll be fun :)
Then after that there's the Angels, Inc. read-through. I'm not looking forward to how late it's gonna be, but I am looking forward to the read-through, I suppose. Oh but I haven't told you about that yet. Ah well, this post is already quite full. Another time :)
<3
Friday, March 12, 2010
Politics and Puzzles.. and Muzzles....
I'm just going to copy and paste an IM convo that Jacob and I had about politics. It's not much, and not that intense, don't worry. Just my opinion. I don't feel good about what the White House is pushing for right now. I'm sure he's got the best of intentions, but he needs to check himself.
ok here we go...
rebekah says:
shakes head
Jacob says:
why's that?
rebekah says:
i think Obama is getting a little too big for his britches
Jacob says:
sadly, i havent been keeping up with politics
rebekah says:
and biting off an awful lot to chew
i havent much either, just read an article or two on whats going on with the health reform bill
i must say, i disapprove.
Jacob says:
hey, good news out of LA. a federal court reversed itself on the Pledge of Allegiance, that it doesnt impead religious freedom in schools... Since 2002 most schools took out "Under God"
but they can put it back in now!
rebekah says:
awesome!
probably because i went to school in texas, but i never realised it had been taken out. we always said it
Jacob says:
so what dont you like about the health care bill... i'll tell you one thing i dont... I aint paying for anyone's abortion!
rebekah says:
that's the main thing
Jacob says:
me too
rebekah says:
well i mean i disapprove of government healthcare in general, if not on principle then even based solely on the efficiency of everything else the government runs. (DPS anyone?)
Jacob says:
social security anyone?
rebekah says:
based on experience, processes that have to go through the government are at least twice as frustrating and time-consuming as private institutions, and the reason for that is that unlike the private sector, the government doesn't have to strive to always be improving, and there are too many people in the government bogging down updates, policy changes, and improvements
Jacob says:
true dat!
rebekah says:
I'm not comfortable with those characteristics being applied to health care, whether they can pay for it or not. I'm all about making sure that everyone can get the treatment they need to the best of our ability, but I'm not about being irresponsible about it.
i also think that social security has had a huge negative impact on our now-lower class. yes it helps them get by, but it tends to keep them at getting-by. What would happen if we applied that to medicine as well?
mostly i just think it's not the government's job. if the government wants to found organizations to finance medical treatment and promote awareness, that's fully within their rights a privileges. But taking over 1/3 of the American economy is not. Plainly speaking.
all that being said, my real problem with the news on this bill is that theyre pushing so hard to pass it with out any regard to legitimate concerns like the abortion provisions. They're rushing a decision when they should be concerned that such a substantial part of congress has serious misgivings.
you don't "do it now and fix it later"-- you do it right the first time. I don't know how or where the govt got the idea that it's ok to pass a sloppy and objectionable law with the promise or intention of "fixing it later" that's bull.
Jacob says:
thats politics dear!
look i dont think that health care should be completely on the shoulders of the government or the private sector... I think that with certain governmental mandations as to profit margins on the pharmecutical companies will make the overall price of healthcare go down and accessible to most people. Did you know that a viagra pill is about $2-$5/pill? It cost Phizer like $.27 to make it. thats like
1000% profit! which causes the doctors office to charge more, and the patient to pay more.
there is a medium with government having a small hand in it...
the government was set up to govern, not dictate.
rebekah says:
right
Jacob says:
there are issues here that are far beyond health care... its an overall mindset that needs to change... go back to what the nation was founded on and why we started the nation in the first place.
rebekah says:
spoken like a true republican
Jacob says:
hahaha!
i get it from my Paw Paw
i'm actually a leaning constitutionalist...
rebekah says:
personally I don't see anything wrong with that in the case of viagra. It's not an imperative treatment, it's not essential. No one's life or well-being is depending on it, so I don't see anything wrong with making a profit there
Jacob says:
agreed. just an example
but that goes for most pills...
rebekah says:
I mean it goes for my dermatology treatment too
Jacob says:
whats wrong is that the ones that are "life saving" are hiked up even more because there is more of a demand for them...
rebekah says:
at the same time, that's what insurance is for. And if you can't afford insurance, you probably shouldn't be spending money on spending more time gettin' it on
excuse my language >_<
Jacob says:
hahaha!
thats another issue altogether! we can get into that when we have more time......
rebekah says:
right. see, and THAT is what should be regulated by the government. Advise by unbiased medical professionals. in an ideal world that is
Jacob says:
yep!
i totally agree with that!
rebekah says:
right right
i gotta get back to work >_>
ok here we go...
rebekah says:
shakes head
Jacob says:
why's that?
rebekah says:
i think Obama is getting a little too big for his britches
Jacob says:
sadly, i havent been keeping up with politics
rebekah says:
and biting off an awful lot to chew
i havent much either, just read an article or two on whats going on with the health reform bill
i must say, i disapprove.
Jacob says:
hey, good news out of LA. a federal court reversed itself on the Pledge of Allegiance, that it doesnt impead religious freedom in schools... Since 2002 most schools took out "Under God"
but they can put it back in now!
rebekah says:
awesome!
probably because i went to school in texas, but i never realised it had been taken out. we always said it
Jacob says:
so what dont you like about the health care bill... i'll tell you one thing i dont... I aint paying for anyone's abortion!
rebekah says:
that's the main thing
Jacob says:
me too
rebekah says:
well i mean i disapprove of government healthcare in general, if not on principle then even based solely on the efficiency of everything else the government runs. (DPS anyone?)
Jacob says:
social security anyone?
rebekah says:
based on experience, processes that have to go through the government are at least twice as frustrating and time-consuming as private institutions, and the reason for that is that unlike the private sector, the government doesn't have to strive to always be improving, and there are too many people in the government bogging down updates, policy changes, and improvements
Jacob says:
true dat!
rebekah says:
I'm not comfortable with those characteristics being applied to health care, whether they can pay for it or not. I'm all about making sure that everyone can get the treatment they need to the best of our ability, but I'm not about being irresponsible about it.
i also think that social security has had a huge negative impact on our now-lower class. yes it helps them get by, but it tends to keep them at getting-by. What would happen if we applied that to medicine as well?
mostly i just think it's not the government's job. if the government wants to found organizations to finance medical treatment and promote awareness, that's fully within their rights a privileges. But taking over 1/3 of the American economy is not. Plainly speaking.
all that being said, my real problem with the news on this bill is that theyre pushing so hard to pass it with out any regard to legitimate concerns like the abortion provisions. They're rushing a decision when they should be concerned that such a substantial part of congress has serious misgivings.
you don't "do it now and fix it later"-- you do it right the first time. I don't know how or where the govt got the idea that it's ok to pass a sloppy and objectionable law with the promise or intention of "fixing it later" that's bull.
Jacob says:
thats politics dear!
look i dont think that health care should be completely on the shoulders of the government or the private sector... I think that with certain governmental mandations as to profit margins on the pharmecutical companies will make the overall price of healthcare go down and accessible to most people. Did you know that a viagra pill is about $2-$5/pill? It cost Phizer like $.27 to make it. thats like
1000% profit! which causes the doctors office to charge more, and the patient to pay more.
there is a medium with government having a small hand in it...
the government was set up to govern, not dictate.
rebekah says:
right
Jacob says:
there are issues here that are far beyond health care... its an overall mindset that needs to change... go back to what the nation was founded on and why we started the nation in the first place.
rebekah says:
spoken like a true republican
Jacob says:
hahaha!
i get it from my Paw Paw
i'm actually a leaning constitutionalist...
rebekah says:
personally I don't see anything wrong with that in the case of viagra. It's not an imperative treatment, it's not essential. No one's life or well-being is depending on it, so I don't see anything wrong with making a profit there
Jacob says:
agreed. just an example
but that goes for most pills...
rebekah says:
I mean it goes for my dermatology treatment too
Jacob says:
whats wrong is that the ones that are "life saving" are hiked up even more because there is more of a demand for them...
rebekah says:
at the same time, that's what insurance is for. And if you can't afford insurance, you probably shouldn't be spending money on spending more time gettin' it on
excuse my language >_<
Jacob says:
hahaha!
thats another issue altogether! we can get into that when we have more time......
rebekah says:
right. see, and THAT is what should be regulated by the government. Advise by unbiased medical professionals. in an ideal world that is
Jacob says:
yep!
i totally agree with that!
rebekah says:
right right
i gotta get back to work >_>
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Robin's a fool.
She didn't cast Mark.
He was pretty upset about it, but I think he had a right to be. It's tough dealing with that kind of disappointment. And in the theatre world, these things are never really justifiable or explainable. It's all in the director's eye. She she made it a heck of a decision for her, that's for sure. I wonder how long it will take her to realise that Mark could have brought something to this show that her current cast never will. Oh sure, her choice will be the stereotypical gay guy that everyone's expecting, and he'll be able to mimic the movie well enough and get across the point that he's playing his lover or whatever.. who cares. Anyone can do that. But I rather doubt there will be any more dimension to the character than that. Then again, you never know. He might surprise me. Just because Mark would have been fathoms better doesn't mean he won't be good right? I should probably give him a chance.
In other news, Jon Christie is putting together another production and has already offered both Mark and me parts. Not sure which parts yet, as the script is not quite finished. I think I might take him up on that offer though, despite time constraints and whatnot. We shall see.
So here are the things I want to get started on/done this week, if possible:
- scrapbook and some starter scrap-booking stuff (just the basics, minimum spending :)
- disposable cameras for spring break (and whatever else)
- painting #2; #1 turned out pretty good, and I've had a couple more ideas for some simple-yet-cool paintings bouncing around for awhile. I'm going to try and start that this afternoon.
- job apps/ info about portfolios and maybe getting started in some modeling. I don't know how realistic that option is, but it's worth a try isn't it? And there's no time like the present to get a move on it...
In health-related thoughts, I've stopped taking my vitamins. I think this practice needs to reconvene asap. But I'm starting to shape up again :) I've been working out but I think I need to step it up a bit more. I'm going to find an intense cardio workout that I can aim for about 3 times a week with. I think Susan has a good one :) Depending on the results, another 2-week veggie fast might be called for. I don't like the feeling of just eating carbs all the time.
ok. done combing through my thoughts and thinking through my fingers. this post didn't have much of a purpose but for me to get these thoughts out and look at them. anywho, enjoy :)
He was pretty upset about it, but I think he had a right to be. It's tough dealing with that kind of disappointment. And in the theatre world, these things are never really justifiable or explainable. It's all in the director's eye. She she made it a heck of a decision for her, that's for sure. I wonder how long it will take her to realise that Mark could have brought something to this show that her current cast never will. Oh sure, her choice will be the stereotypical gay guy that everyone's expecting, and he'll be able to mimic the movie well enough and get across the point that he's playing his lover or whatever.. who cares. Anyone can do that. But I rather doubt there will be any more dimension to the character than that. Then again, you never know. He might surprise me. Just because Mark would have been fathoms better doesn't mean he won't be good right? I should probably give him a chance.
In other news, Jon Christie is putting together another production and has already offered both Mark and me parts. Not sure which parts yet, as the script is not quite finished. I think I might take him up on that offer though, despite time constraints and whatnot. We shall see.
So here are the things I want to get started on/done this week, if possible:
- scrapbook and some starter scrap-booking stuff (just the basics, minimum spending :)
- disposable cameras for spring break (and whatever else)
- painting #2; #1 turned out pretty good, and I've had a couple more ideas for some simple-yet-cool paintings bouncing around for awhile. I'm going to try and start that this afternoon.
- job apps/ info about portfolios and maybe getting started in some modeling. I don't know how realistic that option is, but it's worth a try isn't it? And there's no time like the present to get a move on it...
In health-related thoughts, I've stopped taking my vitamins. I think this practice needs to reconvene asap. But I'm starting to shape up again :) I've been working out but I think I need to step it up a bit more. I'm going to find an intense cardio workout that I can aim for about 3 times a week with. I think Susan has a good one :) Depending on the results, another 2-week veggie fast might be called for. I don't like the feeling of just eating carbs all the time.
ok. done combing through my thoughts and thinking through my fingers. this post didn't have much of a purpose but for me to get these thoughts out and look at them. anywho, enjoy :)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
like a speeding bullet
This week's gone by pretty quickly. Which is a welcome change from recent happenings, a bit. Now that I'm finally busy, or at least occupied, things have a sort of rhythm again and it's nice. It's easier to enjoy what I'm doing when I'm doing something. And it's easier to not mind not particularly enjoying something if I've got something to look forward to, ya know? So I'm happy :) God is good.
Spring break is coming up!!
And, although I'm not taking classes and therefore don't myself technically have a spring break... I'm celebrating anyway. I'm going on vacation with Mark and Chelsea and Collin. I could think of other people I'd rather go with, but they're cool and they're the ones who want to go, so we're gonna go with the flow :) I'm so excited. It will be cheap, but super fun, and a much-needed break for all involved. The plan is to head down to Corpus Cristi for a few days, hit the beach, do some hot tubbing, and some much needed relaxing! I can't wait. ^_^
So Mark had Cruel Intentions auditions this week... we'll find out in a few hours who got cast... He did so well though. Everyone said he was wonderful, and I saw the raw cut of his monologue, before he perfected it. It was good. He was really good. Robin's a fool if she doesn't cast him.
Oh, but I so wish I could have auditioned. It was rough working at Pizza hut whilst everyone else was at auditions. Sitting this season out has been hard. But I made the decision to put school and theatre (career, basically...) on the back-burner until I have things taken care of financially. There have been some unexpected expenses this year, and some of them were real doosies. But not to worry! I'm trusting that it is all taken care of, and some things have already come together to get this debt completely wiped out. :) I'm expecting my tax return by the end of the month, and that will make a big difference :) And then, working double and with a little help I'll be able to make hopefully at least 2 extra car payments each month, which should really speed up the process. I'm really optimistic about this. Sure Pizza Hut is pretty lame so far, but as soon as I get back from spring break, and maybe even before, I'm on the hunt again for a better replacement :)
Tiffanie's started scrapbooking...
I think I just might jump on that band wagon... you know, I already take pictures at all the shows I do. I think perhaps I should start documenting them :) and I can add in some other fun/significant experiences... I think I'm gonna do it. And keep the cost to a minimum while I'm at it ;)
I'm sure I have more thoughts I could catch up with, but this post's getting a bit long, so we'll leave it here. Besides, I need to get to work. Lots to do!
Until tomorrow, then.
<3
Spring break is coming up!!
And, although I'm not taking classes and therefore don't myself technically have a spring break... I'm celebrating anyway. I'm going on vacation with Mark and Chelsea and Collin. I could think of other people I'd rather go with, but they're cool and they're the ones who want to go, so we're gonna go with the flow :) I'm so excited. It will be cheap, but super fun, and a much-needed break for all involved. The plan is to head down to Corpus Cristi for a few days, hit the beach, do some hot tubbing, and some much needed relaxing! I can't wait. ^_^
So Mark had Cruel Intentions auditions this week... we'll find out in a few hours who got cast... He did so well though. Everyone said he was wonderful, and I saw the raw cut of his monologue, before he perfected it. It was good. He was really good. Robin's a fool if she doesn't cast him.
Oh, but I so wish I could have auditioned. It was rough working at Pizza hut whilst everyone else was at auditions. Sitting this season out has been hard. But I made the decision to put school and theatre (career, basically...) on the back-burner until I have things taken care of financially. There have been some unexpected expenses this year, and some of them were real doosies. But not to worry! I'm trusting that it is all taken care of, and some things have already come together to get this debt completely wiped out. :) I'm expecting my tax return by the end of the month, and that will make a big difference :) And then, working double and with a little help I'll be able to make hopefully at least 2 extra car payments each month, which should really speed up the process. I'm really optimistic about this. Sure Pizza Hut is pretty lame so far, but as soon as I get back from spring break, and maybe even before, I'm on the hunt again for a better replacement :)
Tiffanie's started scrapbooking...
I think I just might jump on that band wagon... you know, I already take pictures at all the shows I do. I think perhaps I should start documenting them :) and I can add in some other fun/significant experiences... I think I'm gonna do it. And keep the cost to a minimum while I'm at it ;)
I'm sure I have more thoughts I could catch up with, but this post's getting a bit long, so we'll leave it here. Besides, I need to get to work. Lots to do!
Until tomorrow, then.
<3
Monday, February 8, 2010
I'm not putting things off, I'm just not getting them done yet.
Ugh. Please refer to Jan 6th's post -.-
So I know I said I'd review The Rally. And I know also that I haven't actually done it yet. I'm still going to review it. However, when I saw it, I saw the first edit cut... it's been edited quite a bit more, but I've not seen the fully edited presentation. I think it would be unfair of me to review the unfinished product. I will say that I went to see it with high hopes and less optimistic expectations, and the film landed closer to my expectations than my hopes. I will also say that Kenneth Copeland played his role exceptionally well. More to come, when I see the movie when it comes out.
So I've got about an hour and a half left here at work, and then I was supposed to go put in more job apps at the restaurants around Lewisville. Idk if that's going to happen today, for a few reasons. Not the least of them being that I dont feel or look all that great.It might just have to wait until tomorrow.
More later :)
So I know I said I'd review The Rally. And I know also that I haven't actually done it yet. I'm still going to review it. However, when I saw it, I saw the first edit cut... it's been edited quite a bit more, but I've not seen the fully edited presentation. I think it would be unfair of me to review the unfinished product. I will say that I went to see it with high hopes and less optimistic expectations, and the film landed closer to my expectations than my hopes. I will also say that Kenneth Copeland played his role exceptionally well. More to come, when I see the movie when it comes out.
So I've got about an hour and a half left here at work, and then I was supposed to go put in more job apps at the restaurants around Lewisville. Idk if that's going to happen today, for a few reasons. Not the least of them being that I dont feel or look all that great.It might just have to wait until tomorrow.
More later :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Hard Thing
So I just read an article about a 13-yr-old girl who has lipodystrophy, which makes her look about 50. It's a disorder where the lipid layer beneath the skin breaks down and is unable to support the skin, but the skin keeps growing, often at a faster than normal rate, causing wrinkling, sagging, etc-- effects one normally sees with age.
That's a hard enough thing.. that a young girl has to deal with that in day to day life. But that's not what really bothered me most about the whole situation.
As you read on, the article explains that lipodystrophy is an extremely rare (only 2000 people globally have it) hereditary disorder, passed from parent to child. In this case, mother to child. The girl's mother has four children, and three of them have the disorder. That's 2% of the entire lipodystrophic population in one family. Very sad, yes. Would I have chosen to have children rather than adopt, knowing there's a very high chance of them having the same disorder that has made my life complicated and extremely difficult? No. I wouldn't. But that's not my right to say for anyone else. The girl's mother has had a very hard life, largely because of this disorder, and has according to the article been through a "string of bad relationships." ...Which, in the end, translates to: all four of her children have different fathers, and their fathers are not in their lives. They now live on public assistance. Now, I realize that this is a sadly common situation. And in my opinion, the fact that she has lipodystrophy does not make it any better or worse. But it's very, very sad. Their condition, particularly this 13-yr-old's (which is a more accute case than any of the others) can be helped (not cured as far as we know, but covered up) with plastic surgery and facial treatments. Now, that's not the most healthy choice and it certainly doesn't make everything better. But for a thirteen-yr-old girl who just wants to have a life? It's something. But it's not even an option in their minds, because the family is on PA.
This whole story makes me rage on the inside. It's the devil taking what isn't his from God's people. It's people living in ignorance, and especially the young children who aren't being taught that THEY'RE WORTH SO MUCH. That little girl is beautiful, whether her skin looks old or not. But nobody tells her that. She gets teased at school to the point that she doesn't like to get up in the morning, and her mother just wallows and feels sorry for her. She doesn't encourage her, she doesn't help her... Her mother has the same disorder and because she's spent her whole life feeling sorry for herself and devaluing herself, that's the same way that she treats her children. And I'm not judging her life because no, I can't imagine what she's gone through, and ESPECIALLY if she didn't have the Lord to lean on... I only wish she knew, how much she could help her kids. Yes, I think it's irresponsible to have 4 kids by different fathers period. Let alone when their fathers won't be there for them. Let alone when you can't support them. Let alone when you know they'll have severe disorders when they're born. I don't think that's okay. Hard life or not, when you have a child, your own needs and wants take a back seat. Period.
But when you have kids... wouldn't you strive, to make a life for them? To encourage them and tell them that they can do anything they want? ESPECIALLY if there's something in their life that makes it harder than the average person, like this disorder. Wouldn't you tell them every day, wouldn't you teach them, that that can't hold them back unless they let it? That it makes them stronger, that they're beautiful, that they can do anything another person can if they want it badly enough? And that God loves them.... I'd tell them. Even if I didn't believe it I'd tell them. I'd make sure they knew. No one should have to get up in the morning feeling like no one in the world loves them, and that they're not worth seeing.
That's a hard enough thing.. that a young girl has to deal with that in day to day life. But that's not what really bothered me most about the whole situation.
As you read on, the article explains that lipodystrophy is an extremely rare (only 2000 people globally have it) hereditary disorder, passed from parent to child. In this case, mother to child. The girl's mother has four children, and three of them have the disorder. That's 2% of the entire lipodystrophic population in one family. Very sad, yes. Would I have chosen to have children rather than adopt, knowing there's a very high chance of them having the same disorder that has made my life complicated and extremely difficult? No. I wouldn't. But that's not my right to say for anyone else. The girl's mother has had a very hard life, largely because of this disorder, and has according to the article been through a "string of bad relationships." ...Which, in the end, translates to: all four of her children have different fathers, and their fathers are not in their lives. They now live on public assistance. Now, I realize that this is a sadly common situation. And in my opinion, the fact that she has lipodystrophy does not make it any better or worse. But it's very, very sad. Their condition, particularly this 13-yr-old's (which is a more accute case than any of the others) can be helped (not cured as far as we know, but covered up) with plastic surgery and facial treatments. Now, that's not the most healthy choice and it certainly doesn't make everything better. But for a thirteen-yr-old girl who just wants to have a life? It's something. But it's not even an option in their minds, because the family is on PA.
This whole story makes me rage on the inside. It's the devil taking what isn't his from God's people. It's people living in ignorance, and especially the young children who aren't being taught that THEY'RE WORTH SO MUCH. That little girl is beautiful, whether her skin looks old or not. But nobody tells her that. She gets teased at school to the point that she doesn't like to get up in the morning, and her mother just wallows and feels sorry for her. She doesn't encourage her, she doesn't help her... Her mother has the same disorder and because she's spent her whole life feeling sorry for herself and devaluing herself, that's the same way that she treats her children. And I'm not judging her life because no, I can't imagine what she's gone through, and ESPECIALLY if she didn't have the Lord to lean on... I only wish she knew, how much she could help her kids. Yes, I think it's irresponsible to have 4 kids by different fathers period. Let alone when their fathers won't be there for them. Let alone when you can't support them. Let alone when you know they'll have severe disorders when they're born. I don't think that's okay. Hard life or not, when you have a child, your own needs and wants take a back seat. Period.
But when you have kids... wouldn't you strive, to make a life for them? To encourage them and tell them that they can do anything they want? ESPECIALLY if there's something in their life that makes it harder than the average person, like this disorder. Wouldn't you tell them every day, wouldn't you teach them, that that can't hold them back unless they let it? That it makes them stronger, that they're beautiful, that they can do anything another person can if they want it badly enough? And that God loves them.... I'd tell them. Even if I didn't believe it I'd tell them. I'd make sure they knew. No one should have to get up in the morning feeling like no one in the world loves them, and that they're not worth seeing.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
How Long Can A Man Go Without Eating Before He Starves?
How long can a performer go without performing before she suffocates?
How long can I stay away from the stage before I break?
How long? How much can I take? I feel like Hercules, trying to swim through the river of the dead to reach Meg before he dies. Either I'll reach my goal, grasp my desire and feel immortality; or I'll just.. die. Every time I see someone else doing a production.. even one that I have no real desire to do... I crack just a little, and go a little more numb once the dull ache wears away after a few days. No one ever talks about this side of passion.. the hard side...
Oh, every time we say goodbye... I cry, a little...
Every time we say goodbye... I sigh, a little..
Every time...
Every time we say goodbye, I die, a little..
Every time we say goodbye.. I wonder why a little....
Every time .
How long can I stay away from the stage before I break?
How long? How much can I take? I feel like Hercules, trying to swim through the river of the dead to reach Meg before he dies. Either I'll reach my goal, grasp my desire and feel immortality; or I'll just.. die. Every time I see someone else doing a production.. even one that I have no real desire to do... I crack just a little, and go a little more numb once the dull ache wears away after a few days. No one ever talks about this side of passion.. the hard side...
Oh, every time we say goodbye... I cry, a little...
Every time we say goodbye... I sigh, a little..
Every time...
Every time we say goodbye, I die, a little..
Every time we say goodbye.. I wonder why a little....
Every time .
Friday, January 22, 2010
Rant
So I just looked at the cast list for Little Women.
And I'm a little Miffed.
So I'm going to blog about it :)
The thing that irks me is, the production cast for Little Women is more than half Community Members-- not students. I think there are like 3 or 4 students cast, total. And it's a student production! At a college! I understand that some of them are not as strong as the Community Members, but guess what? That's because the Community Members are alumni! I'm really disappointed with Brad and Mark. I kinda just think that's not right. It's not like they didn't have anything to work with. (Ok, for the part of Laurie they kindof didn't have anything to work with, student-wise. That I'll give them.) Well, anyway.. I disagree. That's all.
And I'm a little Miffed.
So I'm going to blog about it :)
The thing that irks me is, the production cast for Little Women is more than half Community Members-- not students. I think there are like 3 or 4 students cast, total. And it's a student production! At a college! I understand that some of them are not as strong as the Community Members, but guess what? That's because the Community Members are alumni! I'm really disappointed with Brad and Mark. I kinda just think that's not right. It's not like they didn't have anything to work with. (Ok, for the part of Laurie they kindof didn't have anything to work with, student-wise. That I'll give them.) Well, anyway.. I disagree. That's all.
Reported Meltdown.. screw global warming.
It's a fine line that I teeter between determined and depressed sometimes. The same fine line that I totter between motivated and melt-down. Last night was a melt-down. It's overwhelming sometimes to feel like I'm working so hard to get where I want to be, working toward the vision of my life that I'm clinging to... and feel like I'm still getting nowhere. It's like trying to swim across the pool, but you're just treading water. Swimming against the current I guess.. wow, that really is a good analogy! Anyway, last night was one of those nights where it just put me over the edge to hear about everybody auditioning and doing productions and starting classes.... It was just so frustrating. Why am I not doing those things? I'm not being ungrateful, really I'm not. I'm SO thankful for the life I have, and God has been so so good to me. It's just that, this isn't what He told me I was going to be doing. This isn't what He showed me. And I know, I'm being patient, I'm being faithful... but it still hurts. It literally breaks my heart to be doing mundane jobs from day to day, not creating anything. It will help when I'm making money.. At least that's a measurable progress, you know? Anyway. I had my spaz out, got it out of my system, and regained control of myself. I can do this, and do it well. And enjoy it. I refuse to miss out on the joy of life just because I have to take care of business for a bit.
On another note, I look super hott today ^_^ I'm wearing Jacob's tie (couldn't find mine this morning :/) and actually fixed myself up a bit... yeah. I look good :p
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Half Wednesday, Half Friday
So today's Thursday. But it doesn't seem like a Thursday. Yesterday felt like a Thursday, and today feels like it should be a Friday. And yet, it's structured just like a Wednesday, and considering I haven't got much to look forward to event-wise and the weekend's not here yet, it also feels like a Wednesday. So It's Friday, and Wednesday, but not Thursday. Now to some it might make sense that a Thursday is like a split between a Wednesday and a Friday; it's half-way between the two, right? Not at all. This Thursday is all Wednesday and all Friday, in the same way that Jesus is all God and all Man. I know, right? Don't worry. You'll recover.
So the annual invitation-only Ministers' Conference is going on this week at KCM, and Its quite the hubbub. Everybody who's anybody is there :p I was even there, for a couple of days, working registration. It was exciting :) And it's always nice to get out of my cubicle for a little while and get some fresh air :p
I cooked dinner last night for Mark and me.. and Tiffanie too, but she ended up not being home, lol. I made Famous Butter Baked Chicken (which turned out AMAZING, though I say it myself), and green bean casserole (which I made wrong but it still turned out pretty good), and mashed potatoes (instant, cause Mark likes that kind.. blech) and Garlic Facaccio bread. Alright alright, I bought the bread. But it was pretty tasty :) And chocolate chip cookies for dessert.. Walmart brand :p yummm. I'm pretty proud of myself. And it was fun. I felt all wifey :p
I got my car back yesterday. It sounds kinda funny so it might have to go back to the shop again... I hope not. Still haven't got that second job. Hunting has been on hold until I got Ariele back. Monday I start for real putting myself out there at all the restaurants and places in Lewisville around my apt. Gotta make that dough! And, I've got a feeling I'm not gonna last much longer without something to distract myself. Mark and Tiffanie and everyone else has started school now, and rehearsals are starting for Rumors at LCT and Little Women at CTC... It's going to be bad enough being artistically and socially starved for the next months without adding sitting around at home to my to-do list. I'd rather not have time to think about it. I'd rather spend my time trying to catch up with an over-filled plate than pining for what I would rather have on it. My resolve has been made, and there's no going back. You know what that means.. head-first, full speed ahead!
<3
So the annual invitation-only Ministers' Conference is going on this week at KCM, and Its quite the hubbub. Everybody who's anybody is there :p I was even there, for a couple of days, working registration. It was exciting :) And it's always nice to get out of my cubicle for a little while and get some fresh air :p
I cooked dinner last night for Mark and me.. and Tiffanie too, but she ended up not being home, lol. I made Famous Butter Baked Chicken (which turned out AMAZING, though I say it myself), and green bean casserole (which I made wrong but it still turned out pretty good), and mashed potatoes (instant, cause Mark likes that kind.. blech) and Garlic Facaccio bread. Alright alright, I bought the bread. But it was pretty tasty :) And chocolate chip cookies for dessert.. Walmart brand :p yummm. I'm pretty proud of myself. And it was fun. I felt all wifey :p
I got my car back yesterday. It sounds kinda funny so it might have to go back to the shop again... I hope not. Still haven't got that second job. Hunting has been on hold until I got Ariele back. Monday I start for real putting myself out there at all the restaurants and places in Lewisville around my apt. Gotta make that dough! And, I've got a feeling I'm not gonna last much longer without something to distract myself. Mark and Tiffanie and everyone else has started school now, and rehearsals are starting for Rumors at LCT and Little Women at CTC... It's going to be bad enough being artistically and socially starved for the next months without adding sitting around at home to my to-do list. I'd rather not have time to think about it. I'd rather spend my time trying to catch up with an over-filled plate than pining for what I would rather have on it. My resolve has been made, and there's no going back. You know what that means.. head-first, full speed ahead!
<3
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Naptime: The usual time for taking a nap.
Is it bad to be needing a nap at 6:00 a.m.? because, I kinda do. sleep last night was less than excellent. Was woken up a few times, and it was the kind when someone wakes you up from a really deep sleep when you were in the middle of a dream, and then your dream somehow mixes with your cognizance and everything is just really confusing and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. And I was having a weird dream to begin with. I want to say it involved Mark's car being made out of chicken. Or something... idk. It was pretty crazy.
Anyway... I was gonna update about recent happenings and whatnot.. but I'm SO tired. Don't have the energy. Maybe tomorrow.
<3
zzzzzzzZZzZZZZZZZZZZ
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Loneliness is a feeling...
“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” --Paul Tillich
“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” -- Henry Rollins
"The moments when I feel inspired are the moments when I feel most alone." --Anonymous
So, I suppose not many people know that loneliness is something that I struggle with more than most things. Not that I struggle with it constantly, or think that I'm alone, in any respect. And most people would be pretty shocked to hear that I struggle with it at all I think.. I have a lot of good friends. I have even more acquaintances. I have a loving family who I can always go to, and Mark's family is like a second family to me, and his friends are there for me just as they would be for him. And of course, I have Mark. And even when I have none of these for the moment, I have Jesus. You know, that friend that sticks closer than a brother...
But I guess that's the part that I struggle with every now and then. It's difficult, when I feel lonely, to remember that I'm not alone, even for the moment. If you know me at all you might guess I'm an extremely social person. And there's a reason for that; people are my passion. I have three major passions in my life: God, people, and art. Love God, Love People, create. That is what I want to do with my life. However and whenever I can. The rest, and what comes of it, are details that I leave up to God. But my aim is to always do those three, and to do them more than I did yesterday. So it's not surprising that most of the time, I'm with people. If not surrounded by people, then spending time with someone.
I don't like to be by myself. I like to at least have someone else in the same place as me... I hate having the house to myself. Not for safety, or anything like that. Maybe for security? Or maybe I'm just used to having someone else there. I don't like all the driving I do because it's so solitary. I don't like to feel isolated. I don't like to feel disconnected. If I'm reading a book, I'd rather be in the same room as someone else than different rooms, even though we're not talking to each other and I get less reading done. Anyway..
The thing is that I've realized, whenever I'm alone for an extended period of time.. like more than a few hours... I kinda start to feel lonely. And if I let myself, I can even feel sad lonely. I mean it's just a silly feeling and I know that I'm just fine in all reality, but still.. I'd rather not have it. Ya know? So my goal-- which I already do but aim to do more-- is, whenever I feel lonely or I'm physically alone and I don't like it, to make it God-time instead of alone-time. To consciously, instead of wishing for someone to talk to or be with at the moment, talk to God, or praise and worship. It helps a lot, if I just do it. I shouldn't be so lenient with my feelings. I think I will work on that. Add it to my list :p
Monday, January 11, 2010
Another Long Weekend
Well. Monday morning. And can I say, for once I am really looking forward to working 5 full days this week. No days off, no days called in, no vacation, or snow days.. Don't want 'em. Just five long days of good hard work-- that's what I'm looking for.
So last Wednesday I went straight home from work and passed out. Thursday I got up, not particularly excited about getting out of bed, but ready to make it a better day than Wednesday. I got about 5-10 min down the road, hit an ice patch, slid into the car that had already hit the ice patch (didn't hit hard, but enough to scratch up his front bumper a bit), and slid to a stop on the side of the road where I waited about 2 hours for a tow truck. The next two days consisted mainly of being overwhelmed, haggling about prices via my dad, getting yelled at by said dad for being young and naive and irresponsible and not having a clue about whats going on in the world around me (and wrecking his car again), figuring things out and getting my thoughts straight for a moment every now and then, then I'd have another load dumped on me and we'd go through that whole cycle again. At least that's what it felt like.
So I stayed the weekend at Mark's parents' because I didn't want to be by myself and Tiffanie was at her parents'. And, of course, I didn't have a car. lol. They were very kind and generous to let me hang around, but I think by the end of the weekend we were all ready for me to go home again. lol. Mark's mom is letting Mark drive her car though, so that I can drive Mark's car (Checkers) until Ariele is back on her feet. err.. wheels.
In the end everything is taken care of very reasonably for me. I have a little more debt now that needs to be paid off very soon, but God will take care of that just like He took care of this. And nobody was hurt through the whole ordeal, and I'm thankful for that as well. So, crisis resolved, life lesson learned, overall damage.. minimal :)
Can I say, (of course I can, it's my blog :p) .. It's alot easier to go through something when you're not doing it alone. Yes I know that God will always take care of me and the bottom line is to trust Him because He's the one that will work it out, rather than trusting in a person, and I've trusted Him all by myself and I know that He will be faithful whether I have a person next to me to stand with me or not. But can I just say, it's so much better when there's someone there to hold your hand and remind you that everything is going to be okay, and you know you're not doing it by yourself. I think that Mark (and all of the other people that were wonderful and supportive and ready to be selflessly helpful in any way they could) was a part of God's provision. Yes, He provided for the car, and the arrangements until the car is back on the road, and will provide everything I need for my funds to be comfortably paid in full.. but He also provided, and will continue to provide, the people to help me along the way. And for that I am most thankful. Amen.
<3
Addendum: I would like to add, Smuckers' Uncrustables are wonderful. That is all.
So last Wednesday I went straight home from work and passed out. Thursday I got up, not particularly excited about getting out of bed, but ready to make it a better day than Wednesday. I got about 5-10 min down the road, hit an ice patch, slid into the car that had already hit the ice patch (didn't hit hard, but enough to scratch up his front bumper a bit), and slid to a stop on the side of the road where I waited about 2 hours for a tow truck. The next two days consisted mainly of being overwhelmed, haggling about prices via my dad, getting yelled at by said dad for being young and naive and irresponsible and not having a clue about whats going on in the world around me (and wrecking his car again), figuring things out and getting my thoughts straight for a moment every now and then, then I'd have another load dumped on me and we'd go through that whole cycle again. At least that's what it felt like.
So I stayed the weekend at Mark's parents' because I didn't want to be by myself and Tiffanie was at her parents'. And, of course, I didn't have a car. lol. They were very kind and generous to let me hang around, but I think by the end of the weekend we were all ready for me to go home again. lol. Mark's mom is letting Mark drive her car though, so that I can drive Mark's car (Checkers) until Ariele is back on her feet. err.. wheels.
In the end everything is taken care of very reasonably for me. I have a little more debt now that needs to be paid off very soon, but God will take care of that just like He took care of this. And nobody was hurt through the whole ordeal, and I'm thankful for that as well. So, crisis resolved, life lesson learned, overall damage.. minimal :)
Can I say, (of course I can, it's my blog :p) .. It's alot easier to go through something when you're not doing it alone. Yes I know that God will always take care of me and the bottom line is to trust Him because He's the one that will work it out, rather than trusting in a person, and I've trusted Him all by myself and I know that He will be faithful whether I have a person next to me to stand with me or not. But can I just say, it's so much better when there's someone there to hold your hand and remind you that everything is going to be okay, and you know you're not doing it by yourself. I think that Mark (and all of the other people that were wonderful and supportive and ready to be selflessly helpful in any way they could) was a part of God's provision. Yes, He provided for the car, and the arrangements until the car is back on the road, and will provide everything I need for my funds to be comfortably paid in full.. but He also provided, and will continue to provide, the people to help me along the way. And for that I am most thankful. Amen.
<3
Addendum: I would like to add, Smuckers' Uncrustables are wonderful. That is all.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Just Shoot Me
Dear God, why did You have to make me a woman?? I'm kindof mad at you for that.
Dear uterus, it's okay, I hate you too.
Dear muscles, please calm down. Let's be rational.
Dear world, do not speak to me. This is not the time.
Dear face, it's okay. I understand.
Dear mom, you were so wrong. for real.
Dear Tylenol... where art thou?
Dear uterus, it's okay, I hate you too.
Dear muscles, please calm down. Let's be rational.
Dear world, do not speak to me. This is not the time.
Dear face, it's okay. I understand.
Dear mom, you were so wrong. for real.
Dear Tylenol... where art thou?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Still Resolving :)
I've decided that New Year's resolutions can be made through the end of January and still be considered New Year's resolutions. lol. Mostly because I'm still feeling out new "resolutions".. things that I want to change or aim for in 2010.
So here we are, January 4, and I'm back at work. Still looking for a night job, but my expectations have changed somewhat. Rather than aiming to find a full-time job immediately and taking a full schedule of classes this semester, I'm looking for full-time or part-time at night (maybe waiting tables? it's not my first choice, but it's a possibility...) and planning on staying at KCM awhile longer. School can wait for one more semester, and I can be back full-steam next year without the pressure of debts and extra bills. So this is my get-myself-together semester. And, in the meantime, I can still work on design stuff, music, and hobbies.. maybe make some videos. :)
It wasn't my first choice course of action.. but that's alright. I'm still happy with it. For now.
And now, for the first time, I stop and think, "man. where did 2009 go?" Alot really did happen. And it wasn't a short year, at least for me. But half of it I hardly remember, or I can hardly believe it was the same me that lived those months. Ya know? And I can practically see 2010 going by in the blink of an eye. First the days are planned, then the weeks, then the months, and as I go through with things it's like the whole year is planned away and then finished off. But I trust God to make it more than that. He always does. With the Lord, my days will mean something, my weeks accomplish something, my months serve a purpose, and my year not go to waste. I'm excited. And I have no real idea of what to expect. But I'm thankful to be here for it, and to have people I love here with me for it. eeee! ^_^
So here we are, January 4, and I'm back at work. Still looking for a night job, but my expectations have changed somewhat. Rather than aiming to find a full-time job immediately and taking a full schedule of classes this semester, I'm looking for full-time or part-time at night (maybe waiting tables? it's not my first choice, but it's a possibility...) and planning on staying at KCM awhile longer. School can wait for one more semester, and I can be back full-steam next year without the pressure of debts and extra bills. So this is my get-myself-together semester. And, in the meantime, I can still work on design stuff, music, and hobbies.. maybe make some videos. :)
It wasn't my first choice course of action.. but that's alright. I'm still happy with it. For now.
And now, for the first time, I stop and think, "man. where did 2009 go?" Alot really did happen. And it wasn't a short year, at least for me. But half of it I hardly remember, or I can hardly believe it was the same me that lived those months. Ya know? And I can practically see 2010 going by in the blink of an eye. First the days are planned, then the weeks, then the months, and as I go through with things it's like the whole year is planned away and then finished off. But I trust God to make it more than that. He always does. With the Lord, my days will mean something, my weeks accomplish something, my months serve a purpose, and my year not go to waste. I'm excited. And I have no real idea of what to expect. But I'm thankful to be here for it, and to have people I love here with me for it. eeee! ^_^
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
