Loneliness is a feeling...

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” --Paul Tillich

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” -- Henry Rollins

"The moments when I feel inspired are the moments when I feel most alone." --Anonymous


So, I suppose not many people know that loneliness is something that I struggle with more than most things. Not that I struggle with it constantly, or think that I'm alone, in any respect. And most people would be pretty shocked to hear that I struggle with it at all I think.. I have a lot of good friends. I have even more acquaintances. I have a loving family who I can always go to, and Mark's family is like a second family to me, and his friends are there for me just as they would be for him. And of course, I have Mark. And even when I have none of these for the moment, I have Jesus. You know, that friend that sticks closer than a brother...

But I guess that's the part that I struggle with every now and then. It's difficult, when I feel lonely, to remember that I'm not alone, even for the moment. If you know me at all you might guess I'm an extremely social person. And there's a reason for that; people are my passion. I have three major passions in my life: God, people, and art. Love God, Love People, create. That is what I want to do with my life. However and whenever I can. The rest, and what comes of it, are details that I leave up to God. But my aim is to always do those three, and to do them more than I did yesterday. So it's not surprising that most of the time, I'm with people. If not surrounded by people, then spending time with someone.

I don't like to be by myself. I like to at least have someone else in the same place as me... I hate having the house to myself. Not for safety, or anything like that. Maybe for security? Or maybe I'm just used to having someone else there. I don't like all the driving I do because it's so solitary. I don't like to feel isolated. I don't like to feel disconnected. If I'm reading a book, I'd rather be in the same room as someone else than different rooms, even though we're not talking to each other and I get less reading done. Anyway..
The thing is that I've realized, whenever I'm alone for an extended period of time.. like more than a few hours... I kinda start to feel lonely. And if I let myself, I can even feel sad lonely. I mean it's just a silly feeling and I know that I'm just fine in all reality, but still.. I'd rather not have it. Ya know? So my goal-- which I already do but aim to do more-- is, whenever I feel lonely or I'm physically alone and I don't like it, to make it God-time instead of alone-time. To consciously, instead of wishing for someone to talk to or be with at the moment, talk to God, or praise and worship. It helps a lot, if I just do it. I shouldn't be so lenient with my feelings. I think I will work on that. Add it to my list :p