It's a fine line that I teeter between determined and depressed sometimes. The same fine line that I totter between motivated and melt-down. Last night was a melt-down. It's overwhelming sometimes to feel like I'm working so hard to get where I want to be, working toward the vision of my life that I'm clinging to... and feel like I'm still getting nowhere. It's like trying to swim across the pool, but you're just treading water. Swimming against the current I guess.. wow, that really is a good analogy! Anyway, last night was one of those nights where it just put me over the edge to hear about everybody auditioning and doing productions and starting classes.... It was just so frustrating. Why am I not doing those things? I'm not being ungrateful, really I'm not. I'm SO thankful for the life I have, and God has been so so good to me. It's just that, this isn't what He told me I was going to be doing. This isn't what He showed me. And I know, I'm being patient, I'm being faithful... but it still hurts. It literally breaks my heart to be doing mundane jobs from day to day, not creating anything. It will help when I'm making money.. At least that's a measurable progress, you know? Anyway. I had my spaz out, got it out of my system, and regained control of myself. I can do this, and do it well. And enjoy it. I refuse to miss out on the joy of life just because I have to take care of business for a bit.
On another note, I look super hott today ^_^ I'm wearing Jacob's tie (couldn't find mine this morning :/) and actually fixed myself up a bit... yeah. I look good :p
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