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Moses

So ever since the Lord led me over-so-graciously to Numbers, I'm really enjoying reading about Moses. He was a pretty great guy, and I love reading his exchanges with God. They were tight :)

It reminds me somewhat of sometimes I've heard Jesse Duplantis talk about his conversations with God.

^_^

so.. I just learned a pretty huge lesson, about complaining. And as far as God's plan for your life, complaining is maybe the biggest thing you can do completely kill that.

So last night was rough. I felt very lonely, very left out, and very purposeless. What have I been accomplishing, being so far away from what I want to be doing. Never mind that on some level, I'm sure, I've been learning. And I've been complaining. Alot. And, funny thing, the more I complained about anything really, the worse that thing got. Only I was already making myself unhappy about it so until now I didn't even realize I was making it worse. It's amazing how blinding ungratefulness can be. and not in a good way.

But anyhow, so as I'm sitting there at 1:30 am, feeling sorry for myself and upset because I can't possibly see anything of value in anything I've been doing, and feeling like I have absolutely no one to lean on and share with while I'm in this horrifying limbo until I can feel like I'm making progress again, and angry at Mark for falling asleep when I was trying to talk about my feelings.... and eventually I just run out, of tears and of thoughts and of grievances, and I'm just so done with it all, and i can see this whole time how pitiful I'm being, and even how wrong I am, but it's like I can't help but just go on, because I'm too stubborn and lazy and whatever else to just open my Bible like I know from the beginning I needed to. So finally I do. And I'm not sure where to go, but I remember one reference, of all the references i've heard over and over again, only one comes to mind and i can't remember what it says but I go there: and it's Jeremiah 29:11. That's the verse I remembered. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a good future."
...perfect. Moments like that make me wonder how I ever lose sight of how much God loves me.
And then this morning I was reading in Numbers, Chapter 10&11, it's the tail end of the Israelite's journey to the edge of the promise land, and Moses sending the young men to go and explore, and they come back and they're all like "no, we're gonna die, wah wah wah."
Well there was ALOT of complaining going on. and so much was lost because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut and be greatful. Those Israelites were supposed to be the ones to go in and take the promised land that God had for them. And they lost that call on their life because they couldn't keep their eyes on the goal and keep from grumbling. After so much complaining, God finally said "Alright fine. You have such a problem with this? You don't want to walk through three years of uncomfortable journeying, in which you've wanted for nothing, so that I can put you in a land that's plentiful in every way for generations? Fine. You go back where you wanted to go, then. You just keep on complaining, and I'll get someone else to do it. Fine." They lost sight of what was before them, they stopped trusting that God had brought them where they were and was still leading them where He said He'd bring them, and they started complaining.

Lord help me if I ever go there again. I will never go there again. Forgive me Lord for being so impatient, and presumptuous, and ungrateful. From now on, I'm going to spend my time thankful, and trusting. period.

Stifling

Lately I find my job stifling. Obviously the time constraints of my current employment have always been somewhat restrictive... but even more than that, you know?
Nobody talks about anything much, it seems like. I'm isolated alot of the time. Not only are we in our only silly little cubicles (for volume purposes, I understand) but we're also spread out, so that for most of the day I'm faced into a corner with no one within comfortable talking distance. Perhaps this is to maximize productivity. Well, we see here on my blog that I'm updating on the clock how well that is working :p.

Anyway. I think this job is just taxing for someone of my nature. I understand that the work we do every day makes a difference as a part of a very great cause... but it's still computer work. You know? Idk. Boo desk jobs. They're fine for people who somehow like the idea of sitting in the same place for hours at a time and staring at the inside of a building. I want windows. I want fresh air, and sunlight. Exercise would be nice too.

So Jacob applied for a youth pastor position at a church in CO. He and Grace seem really excited. I'm hoping that works out for them :) Seems like a really good fit for them, and no doubt they'd be happier there than they have been in TX. I would mostly hate working here if Jacob moved though. boo again. lol

So I read an article today about Sensory Perception Sensitivity. Studies suggest that this is a personality trait that a minority of people have. Basically, it means you process the world around you differently. Alot of times it displays itself in the form of shyness or introvertedness, or even eccentricity and sometimes social inhibitions and neuroticism. According to this article, that is. But I have to say, it makes alot of sense. Basically you're just super-sensitive to sensory input. SPS people tend to pay higher attention to detail, take in their surrounding, and be more greatly affected by their surroundings. They tend to be deep thinkers, deliberaters, take longer to finalize decisions, hold back in social settings and observe before "warming up", take a greater amount of time to themselves to process thoughts/events. They may be more conscientious, easily bored with frivolities like small talk, and [relatively]dramatically affected by things like crowds, noise, caffeine, and pain. Here's the link to the article if you'd like to read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36201866/ns/health-behavior/ns/health-behavior/

I'm pretty sure I'm SPS. Which might actually also have something to do with obsessive compulsive tendencies, maybe? Idk. The human mind is a wild and complex place.

Draw Your Own Conclusions

So I just got off the phone with a man who wanted to know whether or not a person can lose their salvation. Is it once saved, always saved, or can you become un-saved?

We don't actually carry any products that answer that question specifically. We have plenty of products on salvation, what it means, what it entails, how do you get it, what do you do with it, why do you need it... But a doctrinal question like that, not really our focus. And this guy was so focused on getting an answer from Kenneth Copeland about whether or not a person can lose their salvation and why, he was so convinced that surely we would have a teaching over such a profound question.

I tried to explain to him that we're not going to be able to give him a yes or no answer.. that's not what we're about. You're bordering on philosophy there, and we don't get into philosophy, or debates. Our purpose as a teaching ministry is not to debate. It's to bring Christians from milk to meat, to teach believers to grow and mature in the Word. And if you're focused on whether or not you can lose your salvation, you're not focused on maturing in the Word. You know? So I explained this to him and said, I don't think you're going to be able to get a yes or no answer from Kenneth Copeland. And he said Kenneth already answered the question, he'd already said it, I just want to know why, how does he know, or something like that.

There's no pleasing that sort of person. They already have their answer but they want more of an answer. He wanted to know where in the Bible it talks about it, etc etc. Well, then the proper course of action if he cared so much about this one theological question would be to take all of this time and effort he's putting into finding out what one man thinks about it, and put that time and energy into looking into the Word himself and finding out for himself what it says about it. You know? Some people just want you to answer all their questions for them. And I mean, it's wise to learn what you can from other people. sure. But not to depend on someone else's knowledge for your own learning and/or satisfaction.

You have all the same resources we do. It's just easier for you if we use them for you.

From Glory to Glory

Have I used that title before? I bet I have... You know, I lose track.

What do you call the transition between a transition and a transition? Sounds like my life, I think. Always looking forward, always heading for something new.

Well, summer's coming up, and with it changed, no doubt. And choices already. I've been offered the job to Stage Manage for Dallas Young Artists again. And I'd really love to do it, but at the same time, earning money might need to be my priority this summer. I'm not sure I'll be able to pay things, you know, on the amount that they're offering. Well, anyway. If I can't do it, I suppose it's not the end of the world. So many options, and possibilities that I've been looking at lately. What am I going to do when I finish my Associates at Collin? Well there are a few things that I would like to do. I've been looking at a few degrees at FullSail University. Online Degrees, as it were... Ones that I think would fit and aid very nicely in these plans I have in this abstract head of mine. But i haven't looked into it and organized my thoughts enough just yet to really expound upon all that. Needless to say, there will definitely be some more looking in happening. :p

I wanna be done transitioning to transitioning. In fact I wanna be done transitioning, and just live somewhere for awhile. It's nice to be somewhere instead of in-between somewhere for a change.

must do somethinggg

I'm feeling all unproductive at the moment. But it's because all of my deskwork is done and I won't be given anything more to do until 9:30... and I have all this energy and things racing around my mind that need to be taken care of but can't be right at this second.

My new phone is on it's way. But I need to call AT&T asap and make sure they're not going to bill me because there's a spot on my screen that's not a crack and they made it sound like it's not physical damage but I'm not sure I'm feeling all iffy about it and if it is then theyre going to charge me $200 for returning a non-warrantied phone, when if they'd been straight and told me no you need to make an insurance claim I'd only be paying $50. So I'd rather just pay the $50 if need be and not have to worry about them being all "no! you returned a smashed up phone!!" but of course if it is covered by warranty, I'd just as soon get a free new phone. So I need to call and make sure. Asap.
The other thing that I want to have out of the way but can't do anything about yet is my tax return... it's still not in yet, but they said it looks like it should still be coming in their system, so if i don't have it by tomorrow to call back and ask again. I'm a little upset about this... see previous references to our government and it's efficiency (or lack thereof). All I'm saying is, I wish that I was in the position to stop them from taking any more pockets of the economy, just for the sake of anything at all ever getting done. *sigh*

On a happier note, Mark and I rented Adventureland last night. Definitely not the best movie in the world, but hanging out was way fun. I don't remember the last time we had that good a time just watching a movie together. This makes me happy :)

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