useless sleep

have you ever had one of those nights where you feel like you close your eyes and then the next thing you know your alarm is going off?
good morning america, i know how you feel!
that happened to me this morning. my alarm went off and i had had dream after dream back-to-back about apparently nothing worth remembering and then i woke up thinking "7:00 already?? what the crap, did i even sleep??"

yeah. i'm foreseeing a nap in the near future. yeah.

alright. i guess i ought to leave you with at least a little bit of a deeper thought for the day. so i found the most beautiful name and fully intend to use it, maybe when i have a daughter? well.... idk. i used to say i'm never having kids but have since come to admit that i'm obviously having kids eventually.. so i was like ... ok, ONE kid. but now, i think i have to have at least 2 because i have names for 2 girls! and i'd like to have a boy too.... oh goodness ok before i get carried away..

so the name for my first girl i want to be Bryna Jedidah. both are hebrew... Bryna means strength and Jedidah means beloved. but the other day, i latched onto the most gorgeous name for a girl! it's Charis.
Charis is the greek word for grace, but really it means so much more than that. i had looked it up in my study time while studying a passage dealing with God's grace, and the translation of the word is:

• graciousness of manner
• divine influence upon the heart & its reflection upon the life
• acceptable, benefit, favor, gift, grace, joy, liberality (liberation), thanks, or thanks-worthy.

seriously... amazing much? i'm in love with this name. i think the "a" is supposed to be more of a soft "o" sound, like in "drama" ... but i like it better long, like in Karen. so the name will be "Kar-riss". Charis.

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Impatience

Hope and loss blossom together within me
the heat of the tears on my cheeks
reflects that of my burning core

what is to be gained, and what is to be lost
no one can tell
Like the screenplay of a plot only the director knows

who can tell?
who can see what is given, what is born?
what is borne?

you cannot know how your words
cut straight to the heart
sever the fine line between my hope and my reality

so carelessly named, my right against my request
surely you know
surely he must know

How can something so relevant be so distant?
Lord, please don't dismiss me
don't let abandon become something i dread

surely You didn't create a fit You mean to leave empty
surely You wouldn't leave Your promise for so long
it must be soon...
perhaps it must not be soon

forgive my errors
correct my impatience
life is for You alone to fill
and deepesr heartache You alone have known

selfishness consumes - time is lost
and my consciousness is overrun
more than mere feelings,
this soul needs must be tamed

keep my heart pure Lord
let me not lack discipline

I am Yours
my life is for You
my heart is Your right
my days are in Your hands
and Your time will be my time

Only speak to me,
and soothe this heart
Father and Lover, i need you now.

<3

psalm 95

wrote this toward the end of the burn service last night... arranged it, more like. we were basically jamming so i can remember the melody i sang and thats about it. idk what the guys were playing, but the progression was something like E - B - C#m - A.
the moral of the story? God = Awesome.

come
let us bow down in worship
come let us kneek down
before the Lord our Maker
He is our God
we are His people

Today
hear His voice
don't harden your heart
sing a new song, praise His name
He is our God
we are His people

For the Lord is the great God
King above all gods

so let us sing for joy
let us shout out loud
for our salvation
the Lord our God

let us come
before Him with thankful hearts
with humble hearts
extol Him with music and song
the Rock on which I stand
the Rock on which I stand

for the Lord is the great God
King above all gods
He is our God
we are His people

Oh Lord--
Oh Lord,
be the King of my heart


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hello, my name is:

just a little opener, for anyone who would like to feel like they know me before they begin reading my deeply-felt thoughts and whatnot.

first of all, when posting nearly anything on the internet, i find capitalization quite tedious, and almost always forbear the effort of making sure all of my punctuation is perfectly correct. so do your best to ignore that if you can. if you can't... well i suppose you can complain but i won't really care.

i may sometimes post things from another webpost i've made, past or present. likewise, i may sometimes relate a post from a friend of mine or something that i come across that i find interesting, or i may invite a friend to make their own post on here... always giving credit where credit is due of course.

alright, so a little bit about myself and my blog: i'm a youngin, admittedly. not yet technically an adult, sometimes i feel too old for my age, and sometimes i feel too young for my life. then again, it's part of who i am i suppose. i may be young, but i have the world at my fingertips and life in front of me. God has given me a glimpse of the vision for my life, and right now i'm just giving my all to chase that, following after God and drawing closer to Him. i'd rather be passionate about the wrong thing than complacent about the right thing.. meaning i don't do things half-way! it's all or nothing, baby. and while this alot of times makes me a bit opinionated, my goal is to learn and to grow, so i do my best to stay open to correction and humility.
ummm... i consider myself a half-hippie. i'm so not about sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.. at all. BUT i am about being wild and expressing yourself in new and genuine ways. i'm very attached to my hygene though... hence half-hippie. i'm all for taking care of yourself, and the world around you however you can, and living in peace.
the foundation of everything i believe.. while some people think this is a hippie ideal it's totally not; it's a biblical truth and that is that everything is (or should be) based on LOVE, that Love is powerful, and Love ultimately is the answer. period. As one very good friend of mine put it, "we make all of our actions out of God's love; God's love is the inspiration."


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